Commentary "gems"

[Bitter but optimistic 21,560]

Jack Dyer early in the 76 or 78 Grand Final

"Scores are level either side can win this!"

Jack Dyer was a legend - The Captain and the Major - best commentary ever. These suckers today go nowhere near him!

[FarNorthernD 5,848]

Favourite commentary call.

September 1987 after winning 5 on the trot to close out the season including West Coast, Collingwood and that famous round 22 win over Footscray (who would have made the final 5 if they beat us at home). Then a 100 point win over North and a 70 point win over the Swans in the first two finals. A young Tim Lane on the ABC wondered excitedly "And who can stop them?" At that time I didn't think anyone could and I don't think he did either.

[Vagg 2,422]

I'm mystified as to why Fox Footy have hired Sandy Roberts to sit in the studio, while the band of fools continue to grate on our ears from the game. Why on earth isn't Sandy being put to work doing what he does best -- commentate games...???

Still reckon Gerard Whateley is the best of the current commentators. He actually tells you what's happening in the game, while most of the other fools are too busy yapping about anything and everything other than what's happening in the game.

[Undeeterred 2,890]

I'm mystified as to why Fox Footy have hired Sandy Roberts to sit in the studio, while the band of fools continue to grate on our ears from the game. Why on earth isn't Sandy being put to work doing what he does best -- commentate games...???

Still reckon Gerard Whateley is the best of the current commentators. He actually tells you what's happening in the game, while most of the other fools are too busy yapping about anything and everything other than what's happening in the game.

My guess is he doesn't want to commentate anymore...

[rjay 24,099]

I like the intent of this thread but game commentary gems generally pass quickly. Although Jack Dyer did give some memorable comments to future generations. It is not so much game commentary that concerns me as so called analysis. This is where the real [censored] raise their heads. And in this , I have to acknowledge the master [censored].

Robbo sweeps all before him in this competition. He brutalises the English language, he has limited practical football knowledge and he is a suckhole.

This fool, thankfully, does not commentate on games - yet he perfectfully exemplifies media stupidity

I call him the Molly Meldrum of football.

[S.R.J 418]

I hate it when certain commentators call it a "bounce Down" FFS it drives me nuts

[Redleg 38,186]

Today's commentary is usuaully full of matey, useless drivel.

[Whispering_Jack 28,096]

Today's commentary is usuaully full of matey, useless drivel.

We have a thread on Demonland that precisely resembles this.

[Bossdog 2,002]

All I require from commentators is....Who has it....Who kicked it.....Who marked it....who kicked the goal

I don't need to know the ins and outs of every forward play, who was in the defensive zone What they should have done and why

And the 'War Room' the theory is just crape if the ball bounces the other way

just commentate the game ....We don't need the special comments experts explaining why a player picked his nose.

[chook fowler 18,452]

Robbo is a bogan - never says anything insightful and talks in circles - sort of like a bad politician. As for his use of language -a disgrace " youse this, youse that" Tries to be one of the boys rather than a good, objective journalist.

I feel better for that rant - very therapeutic.

[SaberFang 7,141]

"Last roll of the dice. "

Bruce [censored] McAvaney. He needs to be muted.

Edited March 30, 2014 by Lamashtu

[Mr Steve 3,820]

A very good ordinary player. He went were the balls not.

[Mr Steve 3,820]

"Retaliate first"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"I only have two words for you men - believe in yourselves"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"If you are not in bed by 12 o'clock, go home"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"Tell him he is John Coleman and send him back on"
- Jack Dyer, when told by medical staff that a concussed player 'did not know who he is'

"Any time Carlton scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."
- Lou Richards

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to sail through the air for even longer."
- Peter Landy

"I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them ... knock on wood."
- Jason Akermanis, Brisbane

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen"
- Tony Shaw

"Apart from their goals, St Kilda was scoreless in that opening quarter"
- Eddie McGuire

"It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target"
- Brian Taylor

"They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around"
- John (Sam) Newman

"More football later, but first let's see the first half highlights from the Essendon v Collingwood game"
- Peter Landy

"Kicked wide of the goal with such precision"
- Sandy Roberts

"Wakelin conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen"
- Rodney Eade

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Kevin Sheedy on James Hird

"It's basically the same, just darker."
Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'
Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

"I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first."
Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season

"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"
Dermott Brereton

"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."
Mark Williams

"He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."
Dermott Brereton

"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored."
Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
Luke Darcy

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical."
Dermott Brereton

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious."
Adrian Anderson

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Andrew Demetriou

"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
Terry Wallace

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
Dermott Brereton

[hardtack 10,185]

I recall one commentator many years ago (can't recall who) that was momentarily possessed by the spirit of the good Reverend Spooner while describing the beautiful punt kick he had just witnessed.

[Bombay Airconditioning 5,996]

"Retaliate first"- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"I only have two words for you men - believe in yourselves"- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"If you are not in bed by 12 o'clock, go home" - Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"Tell him he is John Coleman and send him back on" - Jack Dyer, when told by medical staff that a concussed player 'did not know who he is'

"Any time Carlton scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."- Lou Richards"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to sail through the air for even longer." - Peter Landy"I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them ... knock on wood."- Jason Akermanis, Brisbane"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen" - Tony Shaw"Apart from their goals, St Kilda was scoreless in that opening quarter" - Eddie McGuire"It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target" - Brian Taylor"They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around" - John (Sam) Newman"More football later, but first let's see the first half highlights from the Essendon v Collingwood game"- Peter Landy"Kicked wide of the goal with such precision"- Sandy Roberts"Wakelin conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen"- Rodney Eade

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Kevin Sheedy on James Hird

"It's basically the same, just darker." Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

"I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first."Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season

"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"Dermott Brereton

"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."Mark Williams

"He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."Dermott Brereton

"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."Luke Darcy

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." Dermott Brereton

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious."Adrian Anderson

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."Andrew Demetriou

"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."Terry Wallace

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."Dermott Brereton

Some bloody classics in there. They remind me "Ferris Buelers Day Off"

Me Rooney- What's the score?

Kitchen hand-Nothing, nothing

Mr Rooney- Who's winning?

Kitchen hand-(pauses).....the bears.

[Grapeviney 9,034]

"Retaliate first"

- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"I only have two words for you men - believe in yourselves"

- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"If you are not in bed by 12 o'clock, go home"

- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series

"Tell him he is John Coleman and send him back on"

- Jack Dyer, when told by medical staff that a concussed player 'did not know who he is'

"Any time Carlton scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."

- Lou Richards

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to sail through the air for even longer."

- Peter Landy

"I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them ... knock on wood."

- Jason Akermanis, Brisbane

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen"

- Tony Shaw

"Apart from their goals, St Kilda was scoreless in that opening quarter"

- Eddie McGuire

"It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target"

- Brian Taylor

"They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around"

- John (Sam) Newman

"More football later, but first let's see the first half highlights from the Essendon v Collingwood game"

- Peter Landy

"Kicked wide of the goal with such precision"

- Sandy Roberts

"Wakelin conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen"

- Rodney Eade

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Kevin Sheedy on James Hird

"It's basically the same, just darker."

Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'

Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

"I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first."

Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season

"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"

Dermott Brereton

"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."

Mark Williams

"He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."

Dermott Brereton

"We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored."

Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

Luke Darcy

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical."

Dermott Brereton

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious."

Adrian Anderson

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

Andrew Demetriou

"I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

Terry Wallace

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

Dermott Brereton

Sorry to burst the bubble but 90 per cent of these are fake.

If you have a look at the link I supplied on the first page to the soccer commentary, you will see that most of these have been lifted directly from the UK and re-attributed to local commentators.

http://www.footballs...emanballs01.htm

Edited March 30, 2014 by Grapeviney

[The Song Formerly Known As 6,479]

Dermie calling everything a "set play" is frustrating.
He'd call taking a dump a "set play", i swear to god.
Some things just happen by luck, chance, opportunity or too much curry.

[Left Field 313]

For me the problem with Dwayne Russell is threefold.

1. He is condescending.

2. He adds no insight to what you can see yourself and

3. He now has an increasingly irritating commentary pattern when a goal is kicked. It goes like this (a) describe the play in increasingly excited tones as a scoring opportunity presents itself (b) go to yelling volume when they shoot then pause for 3-5 seconds then © a single descriptor laced with hyperbole (often "Stunning" or "Freakish" or the like) and then (d) 3-5 seconds more silence followed by the special comments guy talking about some aspect of the build up at normal volume. Seriously - vomit.

[45HG 1,539]

...

"Amazing!"

"Not in your wildest dreams!"

"Can he kick it... You bet he can."

Get me a bucket.

[Sir Why You Little 35,138]

This is exactly why i cannot fork out money to Foxtel (apart from Rupert)...the standard is just that bad.

Seeing Mark Robinson on screen is a hideous thought.

Drunken fool

[rjay 24,099]

Good old Dwayne, watching a bit of the game today he keeps on calling Mayes, Paparone and Redden, Aish amongst others.

[Pates 9,541]

Matthew Campbell is probably the one that infuriates me the most. Unfortunately it's not that he comes up with comments that make you shake your head but it's the way he commentates the flow of the game.

In terms of "gems", Bruce has to have that market cornered. Just pull out any obvious statement or statistic is his mode and his love affair with certain players just makes you want to mute the TV!

[45HG 1,539]

In terms of "gems", Bruce has to have that market cornered. Just pull out any obvious statement or statistic is his mode and his love affair with certain players just makes you want to mute the TV!

Such as Friday night's - "has any 32 year old ever had a bigger impact in his second game at his second club?!?!?" - huh?

[chook fowler 18,452]

Split the indifference is pretty good.

[La Dee-vina Comedia 16,534]

I recall one commentator many years ago (can't recall who) that was momentarily possessed by the spirit of the good Reverend Spooner while describing the beautiful punt kick he had just witnessed.

That was Garry Lyon on 3AW providing special comments when Rex Hunt was calling.

I'm prepared to do a deal with Channel 7. They can keep their commentary team if I can choose the directors and producers. Who thinks it's a good idea to have close ups during play so you can't see what's happening, a MegaWall which has no meaning or purpose and a huge battery of statistics available but barely used?