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Sensational News!

Demonstone
in Melbourne Demons

Featured Replies

Posted

Boy oh boy!  Wowee!  I almost spat out my cornflakes when I came across this news item in The Daily Bugle this morning.

It's absolutely incredible!  I can scarcely believe it...

I hope it's OK by the mods if I reproduce the article in full.

 

In what is believed to be a first in world sport, Melbourne Football Club is on the verge of sacking its entire coaching staff and replacing them with a group of fans from their website Demonland.

This innovative and radical move would save Melbourne millions of dollars and shore up their financial position in perpetuity.

An anonymous source from within the club says that they have long valued and admired the collective judgement and football wisdom of Demonland posters and that it would make sense to make use of their talents, particularly when it would cost nothing at all.

CEO Gary Pert has refused to comment publicly, but insiders claim that he sees this move as a game changer that would put Melbourne ahead of the curve.

When contacted for comment, under siege coach Simon Goodwin stared into the middle distance while absentmindedly scratching his left leg before saying in a flat voice "The reality bus is full of learnings and I've recognised for some time that Demonland posters know much more about this coaching caper than I ever will.  I could see their involvement bringing about instant and ongoing success for the team."

Our source can also reveal that List Manager Tim Lamb has conceded that his position was redundant given the collective expertise on tap and was looking forward to Melbourne cutting out all the deadwood on the list and winning every trade period in future.

Recruiting guru Jason Taylor is said to be equally enthused and was overheard saying that he was looking forward to the parade of champions that would be drafted from here on and that the Demons would never pick another spud with the experts in charge.

President Glen Bartlett has privately conceded that the entire football department is on notice, with the possible exception of the boot studder, the doorman and the bloke who cuts up the oranges at three quarter time.

The Selection Committee is also expected to be given their marching orders and be replaced by a poster who has not been identified but is believed to live in the vicinity of Werribee and who has agreed to take on the task of weekly team selection on the proviso that the side is printed IN UPPER CASE.

While this amazing news has been greeted with widespread enthusiasm from the Demonland faithful, a cautionary note has been sounded by one long-time fan who wished to remain anonymous but agreed that he was an Old Dee and said that he was pessimistic that these changes would help and predicted that Melbourne would never be any good.

Melbourne Football Club remain tight-lipped about this visionary proposal with a formal announcement expected to be made at a supporters function to be held on 1st April at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club in King Street.

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    Well done demonstone, if the goal was to have us spitting out our coffee all over ourselves you’ve succeeded.

    Edited by Dee Zephyr

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    Your finest work yet Demonstone

    The AFL should consider choosing its umpires from Demonland posters as well. There’s no question the quality of umpiring decisions would increase exponentially. And no doubt our DL umpiring experts will be only too willing to put their hands up for the job.

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    I agree that this article should be kept in perpetuity as the first page of the Demonland website. Demonstone, clearly, "you have the wisdom of ages". Well done and thankyou!

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    4 hours ago, demonstone said:

    Boy oh boy!  Wowee!  I almost spat out my cornflakes when I came across this news item in The Daily Bugle this morning.

    It's absolutely incredible!  I can scarcely believe it...

    I hope it's OK by the mods if I reproduce the article in full.

     

    In what is believed to be a first in world sport, Melbourne Football Club is on the verge of sacking its entire coaching staff and replacing them with a group of fans from their website Demonland.

    This innovative and radical move would save Melbourne millions of dollars and shore up their financial position in perpetuity.

    An anonymous source from within the club says that they have long valued and admired the collective judgement and football wisdom of Demonland posters and that it would make sense to make use of their talents, particularly when it would cost nothing at all.

    CEO Gary Pert has refused to comment publicly, but insiders claim that he sees this move as a game changer that would put Melbourne ahead of the curve.

    When contacted for comment, under siege coach Simon Goodwin stared into the middle distance while absentmindedly scratching his left leg before saying in a flat voice "The reality bus is full of learnings and I've recognised for some time that Demonland posters know much more about this coaching caper than I ever will.  I could see their involvement bringing about instant and ongoing success for the team."

    Our source can also reveal that List Manager Tim Lamb has conceded that his position was redundant given the collective expertise on tap and was looking forward to Melbourne cutting out all the deadwood on the list and winning every trade period in future.

    Recruiting guru Jason Taylor is said to be equally enthused and was overheard saying that he was looking forward to the parade of champions that would be drafted from here on and that the Demons would never pick another spud with the experts in charge.

    President Glen Bartlett has privately conceded that the entire football department is on notice, with the possible exception of the boot studder, the doorman and the bloke who cuts up the oranges at three quarter time.

    The Selection Committee is also expected to be given their marching orders and be replaced by a poster who has not been identified but is believed to live in the vicinity of Werribee and who has agreed to take on the task of weekly team selection on the proviso that the side is printed IN UPPER CASE.

    While this amazing news has been greeted with widespread enthusiasm from the Demonland faithful, a cautionary note has been sounded by one long-time fan who wished to remain anonymous but agreed that he was an Old Dee and said that he was pessimistic that these changes would help and predicted that Melbourne would never be any good.

    Melbourne Football Club remain tight-lipped about this visionary proposal with a formal announcement expected to be made at a supporters function to be held on 1st April at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club in King Street.

    There is talk that Saty read this article and immediately had a coronary. 

     

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    This is fantastic!

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    Can I start by saying that I wont play favourites OR Love childs. Staright down the line perform,...... or your OUT?

    Edited by picket fence

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    1 minute ago, picket fence said:

    Can I start by saying that I wont play favourites OR Love childs. Staright down the line perform...... ir your OUT?

    But Clarry will not be dropped under any circumstances 

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    1 minute ago, In Harmes Way said:

    But Clarry will not be dropped under any circumstances 

    Brcause Clarry is untouchable? just call me "the Ruthless P.F"

    Edited by picket fence

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    9 hours ago, demonstone said:

    This innovative and radical move would save Melbourne millions of dollars and shore up their financial position in perpetuity.

    An anonymous source from within the club says that they have long valued and admired the collective judgement and football wisdom of Demonland posters and that it would make sense to make use of their talents, particularly when it would cost nothing at all. 

    Get stuffed, I command a high price for this level of wisdom and insight

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    On 3/27/2021 at 12:52 PM, chook fowler said:

    Old Dee and Pickett have been chosen to mentor Charlie Spargo 

    What cruel punishment you suggest cf. 

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    Any more than 10 witches hats on the oval at one time and we have a problem..

    Take it to the bank.

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    Play them all as mids.

    Get ball and move it down the paddock, with everyone within a 60 meter radius.

    Make it like an NRL game.

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    Play them all in the backline. Except for Pickett, who will tear through any hole and opponents to snag goal after goals.

    Maybe put Ben Brown in our goal square when he comes back.

     

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