You may be new to Demonland and are unsure how to proceed or have been here for a while but still don't feel confident about posting on the gameday threads. I have prepared the following guide to make it easier for everybody to have their say while fitting in with the mood of the board.
First thing you must do is take your angry pills and ensure that you post in a negative, pessimistic, illogical and reactionary manner. Defeatist is good, as is hysterical over-reaction, whining and sooking. Don't forget to assume the worst and always look for the dark cloud around every silver lining.
As a memory aid, it helps to keep in mind the Five C's: criticise, complain, catastrophise, carp and castigate.
For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.
Here are some scenarios that may occur during the game and suggested responses.
Other team kicks the first goal of the match. "Game over" "We're screwed"
Other team wins the match. "Season over" "We're screwed" "Sack the coach" "The players are drinking their own bathwater"
Player X has quiet game. "Recruiting blunder" "Should have picked player Y" "Trade him" "Send him back to Casey" "Delist"
Player start limping. "We're screwed" "Out for season" "Sack fitness/medical staff" "Bring back Burgo"
Player goes down into rooms. "We're screwed" "Out for season" "Will never play again" "Bring back Burgo"
MFC player involved in incident. "It's Melbourne, they'll suspend him for multiple weeks"
Opposition player involved in incident. "It's not Melbourne, he'll get off"
Player misses shot at goal. "Such inaccuracy is typical" "Who's the forward coach?" "This will cost us a Grand Final"
Melbourne kicks 3 or 4 goals clear. "We'll go to sleep now and rest on our laurels"
Melbourne wins. "Should have won by more" "Percentage will cost us top spot"
Poster is happy with win. "Stop embracing mediocrity" "We're getting ahead of ourselves"
MFC is losing the free kick count. "AFL/umpires/broadcasters are corrupt" "They're biased against us"
MFC is winning the free kick count. Do NOT comment under any circumstances.