You may be new to Demonland and are unsure how to proceed or have been here for a while but still don't feel confident about posting on the gameday threads.  I have prepared the following guide to make it easier for everybody to have their say while fitting in with the mood of the board.

First thing you must do is take your angry pills and ensure that you post in a negative, pessimistic, illogical and reactionary manner.  Defeatist is good, as is hysterical over-reaction, whining and sooking.  Don't forget to assume the worst and always look for the dark cloud around every silver lining.

As a memory aid, it helps to keep in mind the Five C's:  criticise, complain, catastrophise, carp and castigate.

For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.

Here are some scenarios that may occur during the game and suggested responses.

• Other team kicks the first goal of the match.  "Game over"  "We're screwed"
• Other team wins the match.  "Season over"  "We're screwed"  "Sack the coach"  "The players are drinking their own bathwater"
• Player X has quiet game.  "Recruiting blunder"  "Should have picked player Y"  "Trade him"  "Send him back to Casey"  "Delist"
• Player start limping.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Sack fitness/medical staff"  "Bring back Burgo"
• Player goes down into rooms.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Will never play again"  "Bring back Burgo"
• MFC player involved in incident.  "It's Melbourne, they'll suspend him for multiple weeks"
• Opposition player involved in incident.  "It's not Melbourne, he'll get off"
• Player misses shot at goal.  "Such inaccuracy is typical"  "Who's the forward coach?"  "This will cost us a Grand Final"
• Melbourne kicks 3 or 4 goals clear.  "We'll go to sleep now and rest on our laurels"
• Melbourne wins.  "Should have won by more"  "Percentage will cost us top spot"  
• Poster is happy with win.  "Stop embracing mediocrity"  "We're getting ahead of ourselves"  
• MFC is losing the free kick count.  "AFL/umpires/broadcasters are corrupt"  "They're biased against us"
• MFC is winning the free kick count.  Do NOT comment under any circumstances.

7 minutes ago, Demonstone said:

You may be new to Demonland and are unsure how to proceed or have been here for a while but still don't feel confident about posting on the gameday threads.  I have prepared the following guide to make it easier for everybody to have their say while fitting in with the mood of the board.

First thing you must do is take your angry pills and ensure that you post in a negative, pessimistic, illogical and reactionary manner.  Defeatist is good, as is hysterical over-reaction, whining and sooking.  Don't forget to assume the worst and always look for the dark cloud around every silver lining.

As a memory aid, it helps to keep in mind the Five C's:  criticise, complain, catastrophise, carp and castigate.

For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.

Here are some scenarios that may occur during the game and suggested responses.

• Other team kicks the first goal of the match.  "Game over"  "We're screwed"
• Other team wins the match.  "Season over"  "We're screwed"  "Sack the coach"  "The players are drinking their own bathwater"
• Player X has quiet game.  "Recruiting blunder"  "Should have picked player Y"  "Trade him"  "Send him back to Casey"  "Delist"
• Player start limping.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Sack fitness/medical staff"  "Bring back Burgo"
• Player goes down into rooms.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Will never play again"  "Bring back Burgo"
• MFC player involved in incident.  "It's Melbourne, they'll suspend him for multiple weeks"
• Opposition player involved in incident.  "It's not Melbourne, he'll get off"
• Player misses shot at goal.  "Such inaccuracy is typical"  "Who's the forward coach?"  "This will cost us a Grand Final"
• Melbourne kicks 3 or 4 goals clear.  "We'll go to sleep now and rest on our laurels"
• Melbourne wins.  "Should have won by more"  "Percentage will cost us top spot"  
• Poster is happy with win.  "Stop embracing mediocrity"  "We're getting ahead of ourselves"  
• MFC is losing the free kick count.  "AFL/umpires/broadcasters are corrupt"  "They're biased against us"
• MFC is winning the free kick count.  Do NOT comment under any circumstances.

Very helpful, thank you. Any tips about what I should say about the coach?

4 minutes ago, He de mon said:

Very helpful, thank you. Any tips about what I should say about the coach?

Must always ask yourself "is he the right guy?"

5 minutes ago, He de mon said:

Very helpful, thank you. Any tips about what I should say about the coach?

Go to Simon Goodwin thread.😀😀😀

9 minutes ago, He de mon said:

Any tips about what I should say about the coach?

It depends on how the team is going at the time.

If we're losing - "Is he the right man for the job?"  "Doesn't have a Plan B"  "Spends too much time drinking and gambling with the players"  "Scratches his left leg too much in press conferences"

If we're winning - No comment required.  It's the players who win games, after all.

If you are replying to the reply of a reply of a reply of a reply of a reply ......of a reply give me a break and do not use the word 'He'.  Use the effing players name and no obscure nick names please.

(This applies to all postings).

FMD

13 minutes ago, Jontee said:

If you are replying to the reply of a reply of a reply of a reply of a reply ......of a reply give me a break and do not use the word 'He'.  Use the effing players name and no obscure nick names please.

(This applies to all postings).

FMD

Yes, Jontee! I’m so over having to go back to pick up the breadcrumbs. 

Player X has a quiet game : Definitely leaving at seasons end

1 hour ago, Demonstone said:

For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.

This’d be funny if it wasn’t true. ☹️

I have a Guide to Reading the Match Day posts. 

It bears a striking similarity to Demonstone's Guide on Posting to the Luke Jackson thread. ie. Don't.

16 minutes ago, sue said:

I have a Guide to Reading the Match Day posts. 

It bears a striking similarity to Demonstone's Guide on Posting to the Luke Jackson thread. ie. Don't.

I'm too busy actually watching the game to post.

[player x] is not smiling? clearly wants to be traded

How many flags will it take to get rid of these pathetic responses?

For me it is one. After 57 years it will now sustain me to the end.

 

theres a couple of other major problems:

Player X smiled pregam, during game or aftergame = Definitley Leaving, probably to Freo for $$$$$

Player Y didn't smile at all = homesick, definitely leaving, probably to freo for massive $$$

Player Z Scratched his left [censored] = were really screwed, anyone thats any good gets offered massive $$$ to go to Freo

 

Melbourne Kicks a goal : Lady in the cheer squad has a big head 🙂

Player drafted using future picks kicks winning goal : The club will regret this

Player drafted using future picks misses kicking winning goal : I told you so

Melbourne wins : Would have won by more if we had a permanent home base in the MCG precinct

 

Am I allowed to be a bit serious and ask that the opposition team be called by its real name or real nickname? The faux naming linking the opposition with a past event or a deliberate misspelling probably seemed amusing when we were 13 years old*, but today... really?

*If you are 13 years old, go ahead. You're excused.  

Down by two goals in the 1st quarter: "We lost it at the selection table"

4 minutes ago, La Dee-vina Comedia said:

Am I allowed to be a bit serious and ask that the opposition team be called by its real name or real nickname?

True. I'm totally over "Peptides", "Essendrug", "Meth Coast" and "Filth". And the teeth jokes. Boring.

Be like Clarry ... be decent, nice and give them a hand up!

And just imagine what it was like in 2013!!! 😄

There are impassioned and ineloquent comments aplenty today. Back then it was like the Thunderdome in the eponymous Mad Max movie!

I stopped participating, or will occasionally pop in during a quarter break if things are going okay. The over the top catastrophising just does my head in.

I made a promise to myself this year that I would stay away from game day threads...

Its like a drug, you have the urge too go in and post when you've got that adrenalin hit but you know it's for the beef of your health.

Surprisingly pretty close to the mark.

7 hours ago, Demonstone said:

You may be new to Demonland and are unsure how to proceed or have been here for a while but still don't feel confident about posting on the gameday threads.  I have prepared the following guide to make it easier for everybody to have their say while fitting in with the mood of the board.

First thing you must do is take your angry pills and ensure that you post in a negative, pessimistic, illogical and reactionary manner.  Defeatist is good, as is hysterical over-reaction, whining and sooking.  Don't forget to assume the worst and always look for the dark cloud around every silver lining.

As a memory aid, it helps to keep in mind the Five C's:  criticise, complain, catastrophise, carp and castigate.

For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.

Here are some scenarios that may occur during the game and suggested responses.

• Other team kicks the first goal of the match.  "Game over"  "We're screwed"
• Other team wins the match.  "Season over"  "We're screwed"  "Sack the coach"  "The players are drinking their own bathwater"
• Player X has quiet game.  "Recruiting blunder"  "Should have picked player Y"  "Trade him"  "Send him back to Casey"  "Delist"
• Player start limping.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Sack fitness/medical staff"  "Bring back Burgo"
• Player goes down into rooms.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Will never play again"  "Bring back Burgo"
• MFC player involved in incident.  "It's Melbourne, they'll suspend him for multiple weeks"
• Opposition player involved in incident.  "It's not Melbourne, he'll get off"
• Player misses shot at goal.  "Such inaccuracy is typical"  "Who's the forward coach?"  "This will cost us a Grand Final"
• Melbourne kicks 3 or 4 goals clear.  "We'll go to sleep now and rest on our laurels"
• Melbourne wins.  "Should have won by more"  "Percentage will cost us top spot"  
• Poster is happy with win.  "Stop embracing mediocrity"  "We're getting ahead of ourselves"  
• MFC is losing the free kick count.  "AFL/umpires/broadcasters are corrupt"  "They're biased against us"
• MFC is winning the free kick count.  Do NOT comment under any circumstances.

Pretty much covered off everything. 

Player x misses a few set shots - "Player x needs to practice their goal kicking" (With the inference that AFL teams and players never train or practice) 

7 hours ago, Demonstone said:

You may be new to Demonland and are unsure how to proceed or have been here for a while but still don't feel confident about posting on the gameday threads.  I have prepared the following guide to make it easier for everybody to have their say while fitting in with the mood of the board.

First thing you must do is take your angry pills and ensure that you post in a negative, pessimistic, illogical and reactionary manner.  Defeatist is good, as is hysterical over-reaction, whining and sooking.  Don't forget to assume the worst and always look for the dark cloud around every silver lining.

As a memory aid, it helps to keep in mind the Five C's:  criticise, complain, catastrophise, carp and castigate.

For added fun, you might like to pick out a whipping boy and make sure to pot him at every opportunity.

Here are some scenarios that may occur during the game and suggested responses.

• Other team kicks the first goal of the match.  "Game over"  "We're screwed"
• Other team wins the match.  "Season over"  "We're screwed"  "Sack the coach"  "The players are drinking their own bathwater"
• Player X has quiet game.  "Recruiting blunder"  "Should have picked player Y"  "Trade him"  "Send him back to Casey"  "Delist"
• Player start limping.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Sack fitness/medical staff"  "Bring back Burgo"
• Player goes down into rooms.  "We're screwed"  "Out for season"  "Will never play again"  "Bring back Burgo"
• MFC player involved in incident.  "It's Melbourne, they'll suspend him for multiple weeks"
• Opposition player involved in incident.  "It's not Melbourne, he'll get off"
• Player misses shot at goal.  "Such inaccuracy is typical"  "Who's the forward coach?"  "This will cost us a Grand Final"
• Melbourne kicks 3 or 4 goals clear.  "We'll go to sleep now and rest on our laurels"
• Melbourne wins.  "Should have won by more"  "Percentage will cost us top spot"  
• Poster is happy with win.  "Stop embracing mediocrity"  "We're getting ahead of ourselves"  
• MFC is losing the free kick count.  "AFL/umpires/broadcasters are corrupt"  "They're biased against us"
• MFC is winning the free kick count.  Do NOT comment under any circumstances.

I decided to play a drinking game one week.  Every time a poster said the umpiring is corrupt or there is a conspiracy against us I had to take a shot.

Ended up at the Alfred

Right, I think I got it, but can someone explain when and how to use the 'spud' reference please.