So I noticed something peculiar on the weekend, and especially so in the first quarter. The players kept losing complete track of the ball. Or were otherwise slower to the ground-ball contests, or not coming to meet it at its furthest point when marking. I think it bounced off May’s head at one stage, and someone even looked like they may have stepped on it (a la Glenn McGrath in that fateful warm-up calamity before the 2005 Ashes test at Edgbaston – or ‘No-edge-baston’ as I now like to call it, considering Kasprowicz didn’t even get any bat on it).*

Anyway, it’s been kind of bugging me since, because I couldn’t work it out. Like what, are half the players suddenly going blind? And then finally it hit me. I checked the BOM’s light-meter readings for Melbourne for the afternoon of Saturday the 3rd of July and sure enough, they were 22 percent below the annual average. To make it worse, in typical AFL fixturing favouring their pet expansion sides, we were coming off a night match under lights, while GWS had the 1pm fixture the week before – just six days this side of the hibernal solstice. 

Basically, we were doomed by the gloom before even the first bounce, and it obviously took us three quarters before our eyes could fully adjust. My question is, why weren’t the lights put on at the MCG for the match? Like I get global warming and all, but surely it’s preferable the league find emissions savings elsewhere rather than undermine the integrity of the competition with one team clearly more disadvantaged by the poor visibility than the other. I dunno, maybe somehow melt the old balls down rather than deflating all that used air back into the atmosphere? 

The second thing I want to know then – who is responsible for sending us out in that blurry indigenous round guernsey when all you have to do is look out the window and realise our players are going to have trouble seeing each other in the dark and would be crying out for better contrast? I’m guessing it was Alan Richardson rather than the AFL on this one, or at least he should be the one to take responsibility. Already the week before we kept handpassing it straight to Essendon players due to the red flash of their sashes, like some bull in a Chinese shop.

The thing is, how can we be expected to consistently perform if our colours aren’t consistent and the AFL keeps scheduling us in overcast day clashes against teams whose pupils have already had the chance to adjust in a match environment the week prior? Have you ever walked from the bright sunlight into the shade before? Now imagine that, but while also trying to pick out a dark-coloured egg-shaped ball bouncing through the air while Shane Mumford’s coming at you, possibly the most fearsome enforcer to ever play the game?  

All in all, we haven’t won a day match since back in Autumn, and it’s clear our form slump is related to having to play football in winter and likely some issues around melatonin loads (we should maybe tap Clarry for any management suggestions?). The upside though, while we can’t expect any fairness from Gillon and his cronies, this year’s Toyota AFL Finals Series in scheduled to commence in the first week of spring, with historical light-meter reading data for Melbourne suggesting that time of year to be generally brighter than in winter.

*By the by, I met Michael Kasprowicz once when he was a celebrity judge at a regional charity cooking contest. I tried looking for a suitable opening to deploy my ‘no-edge-baston’ pun, and seriously mangled it when I said ‘no-eggs-basting’ when one of the contestants made a crème brule. It’s true in a sense, traditional Italian recipes usually don’t call for basting the eggs, but he didn’t really get how it related to him and then kind of silently indicated that as a judge he had better concentrate on the competition. 

You're weird. I like it.

have you been at the cooking sherry

When i saw the title i thought this was going to be another hysterical chicken little thread. Thank heavens for small mercies

2 hours ago, Skuit said:

but he didn’t really get how it related to him and then kind of silently indicated that as a judge he had better concentrate on the competition. 

“SECURITY!!!!”

2 hours ago, Skuit said:

So I noticed something peculiar on the weekend, and especially so in the first quarter. The players kept losing complete track of the ball. Or were otherwise slower to the ground-ball contests, or not coming to meet it at its furthest point when marking. I think it bounced off May’s head at one stage, and someone even looked like they may have stepped on it (a la Glenn McGrath in that fateful warm-up calamity before the 2005 Ashes test at Edgbaston – or ‘No-edge-baston’ as I now like to call it, considering Kasprowicz didn’t even get any bat on it).*

Anyway, it’s been kind of bugging me since, because I couldn’t work it out. Like what, are half the players suddenly going blind? And then finally it hit me. I checked the BOM’s light-meter readings for Melbourne for the afternoon of Saturday the 3rd of July and sure enough, they were 22 percent below the annual average. To make it worse, in typical AFL fixturing favouring their pet expansion sides, we were coming off a night match under lights, while GWS had the 1pm fixture the week before – just six days this side of the hibernal solstice. 

Basically, we were doomed by the gloom before even the first bounce, and it obviously took us three quarters before our eyes could fully adjust. My question is, why weren’t the lights put on at the MCG for the match? Like I get global warming and all, but surely it’s preferable the league find emissions savings elsewhere rather than undermine the integrity of the competition with one team clearly more disadvantaged by the poor visibility than the other. I dunno, maybe somehow melt the old balls down rather than deflating all that used air back into the atmosphere? 

The second thing I want to know then – who is responsible for sending us out in that blurry indigenous round guernsey when all you have to do is look out the window and realise our players are going to have trouble seeing each other in the dark and would be crying out for better contrast? I’m guessing it was Alan Richardson rather than the AFL on this one, or at least he should be the one to take responsibility. Already the week before we kept handpassing it straight to Essendon players due to the red flash of their sashes, like some bull in a Chinese shop.

The thing is, how can we be expected to consistently perform if our colours aren’t consistent and the AFL keeps scheduling us in overcast day clashes against teams whose pupils have already had the chance to adjust in a match environment the week prior? Have you ever walked from the bright sunlight into the shade before? Now imagine that, but while also trying to pick out a dark-coloured egg-shaped ball bouncing through the air while Shane Mumford’s coming at you, possibly the most fearsome enforcer to ever play the game?  

All in all, we haven’t won a day match since back in Autumn, and it’s clear our form slump is related to having to play football in winter and likely some issues around melatonin loads (we should maybe tap Clarry for any management suggestions?). The upside though, while we can’t expect any fairness from Gillon and his cronies, this year’s Toyota AFL Finals Series in scheduled to commence in the first week of spring, with historical light-meter reading data for Melbourne suggesting that time of year to be generally brighter than in winter.

*By the by, I met Michael Kasprowicz once when he was a celebrity judge at a regional charity cooking contest. I tried looking for a suitable opening to deploy my ‘no-edge-baston’ pun, and seriously mangled it when I said ‘no-eggs-basting’ when one of the contestants made a crème brule. It’s true in a sense, traditional Italian recipes usually don’t call for basting the eggs, but he didn’t really get how it related to him and then kind of silently indicated that as a judge he had better concentrate on the competition. 

So much to unpack. 
Love your work.?

3 hours ago, Skuit said:

like some bull in a Chinese shop.

That’s a new take on an old saying. Deliberately?

4 hours ago, Skuit said:

Now I did notice the gloom, just thought it was my eyes and was blaming the surgeon for using Chinese plastic cataracts. It wAs all blurred.either my tears or my lenses  the demon drink had nothing to do with it , still getting over it another game we came unprepared,

The beauty of Demonland is the people like @Skuit who delve into deep analysis, that not even the boffins at Champion Data(tm) would contemplate. This is why I love this place - perhaps this could have been in the Game Plan, Tactics, all that Jazz thread? ?

 

5 hours ago, Skuit said:

My question is, why weren’t the lights put on at the MCG for the match?

They were, I think they came on during the first quarter.

Hey Skuit,

I wish you'd pressed "Kaspa" on whether he hit it. It didn't look like it to me. But I'll never forgive Ponting for sending them in.

Actually, the question was whether his gloved hand was on the bat when(?if) the ball hit it.

Have you met Craig McDermott at any cooking shows? I want to know whether that ball from (?Walsh) hit his helmet or his bat when we lost by one run in 1996.

Edited July 6, 20213 yr by Jumping Jack Clennett
clarification

I think @Skuit is 100% correct - the lights came on at the ground towards the end of the 2nd quarter (I remember showing my daughter they were now on), from that point we kicked 5.8 to the giants 3.4. Goody even said it was a game of 2 halves, lights off-lights on!

19 minutes ago, Jumping Jack Clennett said:

Hey Skuit,

I wish you'd pressed "Kaspa" on whether he hit it. It didn't look like it to me. But I'll never forgive Ponting for sending them in.

Actually, the question was whether his gloved hand was on the bat when(?if) the ball hit it.

Have you met Craig McDermott at any cooking shows? I want to know whether that ball from (?Walsh) hit his helmet or his bat when we lost by one run in 1996.

And I’d like a please explain for this…

Top 5 demonland poster @Skuit

I liked "bull in a Chinese shop".  

I can visualise bowls of noodles and chopsticks flying through the air and patrons flying through windows. ?

8 hours ago, Skuit said:

So I noticed something peculiar on the weekend, and especially so in the first quarter. The players kept losing complete track of the ball. Or were otherwise slower to the ground-ball contests, or not coming to meet it at its furthest point when marking. I think it bounced off May’s head at one stage, and someone even looked like they may have stepped on it (a la Glenn McGrath in that fateful warm-up calamity before the 2005 Ashes test at Edgbaston – or ‘No-edge-baston’ as I now like to call it, considering Kasprowicz didn’t even get any bat on it).*

Anyway, it’s been kind of bugging me since, because I couldn’t work it out. Like what, are half the players suddenly going blind? And then finally it hit me. I checked the BOM’s light-meter readings for Melbourne for the afternoon of Saturday the 3rd of July and sure enough, they were 22 percent below the annual average. To make it worse, in typical AFL fixturing favouring their pet expansion sides, we were coming off a night match under lights, while GWS had the 1pm fixture the week before – just six days this side of the hibernal solstice. 

Basically, we were doomed by the gloom before even the first bounce, and it obviously took us three quarters before our eyes could fully adjust. My question is, why weren’t the lights put on at the MCG for the match? Like I get global warming and all, but surely it’s preferable the league find emissions savings elsewhere rather than undermine the integrity of the competition with one team clearly more disadvantaged by the poor visibility than the other. I dunno, maybe somehow melt the old balls down rather than deflating all that used air back into the atmosphere? 

The second thing I want to know then – who is responsible for sending us out in that blurry indigenous round guernsey when all you have to do is look out the window and realise our players are going to have trouble seeing each other in the dark and would be crying out for better contrast? I’m guessing it was Alan Richardson rather than the AFL on this one, or at least he should be the one to take responsibility. Already the week before we kept handpassing it straight to Essendon players due to the red flash of their sashes, like some bull in a Chinese shop.

The thing is, how can we be expected to consistently perform if our colours aren’t consistent and the AFL keeps scheduling us in overcast day clashes against teams whose pupils have already had the chance to adjust in a match environment the week prior? Have you ever walked from the bright sunlight into the shade before? Now imagine that, but while also trying to pick out a dark-coloured egg-shaped ball bouncing through the air while Shane Mumford’s coming at you, possibly the most fearsome enforcer to ever play the game?  

All in all, we haven’t won a day match since back in Autumn, and it’s clear our form slump is related to having to play football in winter and likely some issues around melatonin loads (we should maybe tap Clarry for any management suggestions?). The upside though, while we can’t expect any fairness from Gillon and his cronies, this year’s Toyota AFL Finals Series in scheduled to commence in the first week of spring, with historical light-meter reading data for Melbourne suggesting that time of year to be generally brighter than in winter.

*By the by, I met Michael Kasprowicz once when he was a celebrity judge at a regional charity cooking contest. I tried looking for a suitable opening to deploy my ‘no-edge-baston’ pun, and seriously mangled it when I said ‘no-eggs-basting’ when one of the contestants made a crème brule. It’s true in a sense, traditional Italian recipes usually don’t call for basting the eggs, but he didn’t really get how it related to him and then kind of silently indicated that as a judge he had better concentrate on the competition. 

You know Skuit I was sitting on the dead wing and I could not see what was happening on the far side of the ground and yes it was gloomy. Give us night games anytime.!!!!!

Could be something in this.

Can't recall what time the Adelaide loss was played but our other two losses were during the gloom of the day.

Perhaps we have a few vampires on our team.

As left field as ENYAW's legendary Value of Pick 2 thread from 2013, yet with 100 times more self awareness, 100 percent better spelling and grammar and an absence of the overwhelming 'what the **** did I just read?' feel to it that post had. ??

 

You've put too much thought into it.
All boils down to one thing.
Players have other exploits in mind.
It's snow season .... Duh.

Edited July 7, 20213 yr by Fork 'em

I had to sit in the Southern Stand after our ticketing email from the club came through late. Couldn't see anything for the sun in my eyes until it dipped just under the roof of the MCC with 10 minutes left. 

Yes but that was later in the day when the sun ventured out.

5 hours ago, ProperDee said:

I can visualise bowls of noodles and chopsticks flying through the air

Bull in a china shop has nothing to do with race or nationality. This version is bordering on racist and is such a cliche. 

14 minutes ago, Fanatique Demon said:

Bull in a china shop has nothing to do with race or nationality. This version is bordering on racist and is such a cliche. 

Bordering on racist ..... 
So you're bordering on being offended on behalf of others?

Edited July 7, 20213 yr by Fork 'em

Fanatique Demon……..Really? Thanks for that lesson in a very common metaphor. (It originated in the Fables of Aesop incidentally)
 

Skuit said “Chinese shop” and I ran with that thinking it was humourous.  FWIW my wife is Chinese and I speak fluent Mandarin having lived and worked in that country for many years. I’m the last person to aim racist remarks at the Chinese.

Why are people so keen to bring race into every comment and argument when often the writer/speaker has no intention of bringing racial commentary into the text/conversation? The spontaneity of humour has suffered due to the extreme sensitivity of some people and I feel sad about that. If I caused you offence however, I apologise.

Oh yeah. I speak French too. Your name should read Démon Fanatique if we are going to be picky about “correctness”. ?

 

Edited July 7, 20213 yr by ProperDee

Okaaay. I just read that thread. 
 

Edited July 7, 20213 yr by WalkingCivilWar
So stunned by ENYAW’s thread that I quoted Colin twice