Collingwood Jokes

[gOLLy 401]

Q: Whats the difference between a park bench and a Collingwood supporter?

A: A park bench can support a family of four!

Fire away I need a collection.

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

Why do Collingwood fans stink?

So blind people can hate them, too.

How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make

excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done

his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out.

What's the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre?

A cactus has pricks on the outside

Joffa took his 8 year old son to a Pies Game. At half time, an opposition supporter called one of the Pies cheersquad a transvestite, prompting Joffa's son to ask him 'dad, what's a transvestite?', to which Joffa replied, 'Go ask your mum, he'll know'.

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'

5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.

9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'

10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.

11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.

12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.

16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

[GawnWithTheWind 604]

scooter, that is some fine work there

[Striker475 696]

10,000 Collingwood supporters meet in Eddyhad Stadium for a "We Are Not Stupid" convention.

Eddy Mc Everywhere addresses the crowd "We are all here today to prove to the world that we are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please". To loud applause Joffa gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

Eddy asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds Joffa says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Pies supporters start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

Eddy says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance".

So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?"

Eddy looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.

Everyone is disheartened and Joffa starts crying.

But then the 10,000 supporters begin to yell and wave their hands

shouting "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Eddy, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, "What is 2 plus 2?"

Silence hangs over the stadium.

Joffa closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Black & White crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...................

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

[Demon_spurs 1,853]

Striker that was great, I told it to a Collingwood supporter, but he didn't get it

[Demon_spurs 1,853]

If you see a Collingwood supporter on a bicycle don't swerve to hit him....It could be your bicycle

[Bimbo 940]

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins

A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?

A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?

A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?

A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?

A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?

A.. What you looking at?

Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman!

Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?

A. Because a Lexus has four seats.

Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?

A. Big Mac please.

[Dappa Dan 2,188]

Got a grudge there scooter?

[Bimbo 940]

Mick Malthouse was caught by a speed camera. "I'll do anything for 4

points," he said...

Q: What has thirty-six legs and can't climb a ladder?

A: Collingwood

Q: What goes black and white, black and white, black and white, boom?

A: Collingwood falling down the ladder.

Did you hear about the MP who was found dead wearing a Collingwood

jumper? They had to dress him in women's underwear to save his family

from embarrassment.

Q: Which Pie is likely to win this year's Copeland Trophy?

A: Four 'n' Twenty

Q: What is Eddie McGuire's best chance at a new flag?

A: When Australia becomes a republic.

Q: What do you call two Collingwood supporters driving their car off a

cliff?

A: A tragedy...at least 5 could fit in the car.

Q: What have you got when a Collingwood supporter is buried up to its

neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: What is the difference between a Collingwood supporter and a park

bench/family pizza?

A: The park bench/family pizza can support/feed a family.

Christmas time among collingwood fans was a sad time, they were going to

do a nativity scene at a collingwood fan day. sadly, they couldnt find 3

wise men or a virgin.

Q: Whats the problem with having the faces collingwood footy players on

stamps?

A: People wont know what side to spit on

[Bimbo 940]

Just reality

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

What do you call a pregnant Collingwood fan? A dope carrier

What's the difference between Eddie McGuire and god? God doesn't think he's Eddie McGuire

A female collingwpod supporter is getting married. The night befOre the wedding her mother says to the bride "Now, tomorrow night On your honeymoon, your new husband would be wanting to put his most prized posseion in the place you do wee wees." The bride to be says "what, is he gonna put his moccasins in the sink?"

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

Got a grudge there scooter?

What gave you that impression, dappa. Haha

[Suzanna 72]

Love them all.

[Kento80 83]

Two people on this forum have just become my favourite people....... gOLLy and Scooter Mcgavin, please take a bow. And keep em comin!

Honourable mentions must also go out to Striker475, Demon_spurs and Bimbo

[Beetle 4,660]

What's the first question asked at every Collingwood Football Club trivia night?

"what the f&@k are you looking at?"

[rhaz 342]

[TheoX 1,222]

Q. Why is it so hard to solve a murder in the Collingwood Cheer Squad

A. Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records.

[Beetle 4,660]

What's the most popular form of protection during sex fir Collingwood supporters?

Bus shelters

[MrMoose 262]

Q. How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Collingwood?

A. Because if it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a TEETHBRUSH!

Q. Why do kids hate barracking for the filth?

A. Because the tooth fairy only comes once!

[TheoX 1,222]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Collingwood and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Collingwood fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,” she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Richmond fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.

"Mary, why are you a Richmond fan?" My mum and dad were born and raised in Richmond, so my mum is a Richmond fan and my dad is a Richmond fan, and so I'm a Richmond fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Richmond fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Collingwood fan."

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

This one is just for you Kento

What's the difference between Mick malthouses post match press conference and child birth? Ones an extremely painful, Almost unbearable experience. The other is just having a baby

[Mydee 288]

Q: Whats the difference between a park bench and a Collingwood supporter?

A: A park bench can support a family of four!

Fire away I need a collection.

100,000 members and one tooth between them

[Mydee 288]

Q: Whats the difference between a park bench and a Collingwood supporter?

A: A park bench can support a family of four!

Fire away I need a collection.

There was a cave in in the mine where the seven dwarfs laboured. Snow White hurried to the mine and all that could be heard was a faint rendition of Good Old Collingwood Forever.

"Thank Goodness Dopey's Ok", said Snow White.

[Sir Why You Little 37,046]

That was Fabulous....a 20 minute continual laugh!! Excellent stuff guys.

A few of those will make it to my Facebook Page on monday morning!!

Set the Tone for the day.