Bananabender reviews the Gabba game

[Demonland 73,140]

Our correspondent travelled a long way to make it to last night's game and he's not happy ...

PANTSED by Bananabender

It was not for the first time this year that the Demons turned up for a game of football unprepared. A little under thirty minutes into their "home" match they were scoreless, trailed the 13th placed Brisbane Lions by 41 points and had been well and truly pantsed for at least the second time in the day.

The first "pantsing" came when the team arrived in Brisbane and it was discovered that the property steward had mistakenly packed a set of white away shorts for the game. Given that this was only the seventh year in a row that Melbourne had "sold out" a "home" match to play at the Gabba, you would have thought the organization could have gotten such a simple task as choice of attire right?

I travelled from Far North Queensland with two other Demon supporters, departing in the early hours of Friday the Thirteenth and arriving only hours before the game. Despite the fact that we're all a bunch of uncouth slobs, we managed to pack our supplies almost perfectly. We had the ciggies in the glove box, the tinnies packed in the esky sitting down back in the station wagon and the only thing any one of us forgot was Moose's toothbrush and that's more or less superfluous anyway on account of him not being used to regular brushing and the fact that he lacks quite a few teeth anyway. At least he remembered to bring his only pair of matching thongs for the journey!

But for a so-called professional football club to come out in that fashion is an unforgivable lapse. If the people running the team are confused, then what can you expect from the players?

Don’t try to answer that question. It's rhetorical!

In any event, we got exactly the confusion we should expect after that in the form of the second "pantsing".

This came in the manner in which the team was so completely outplayed in every facet of the game that the fat lady sitting in the row in front of me began warbling well before the siren mercifully ended the first quarter. At the time when she started limbering up her vocal chords, the Demons had still not troubled the scorer while the Lions had put six goals five behinds on the board thanks to four from Jonathan Brown who out muscled an embarrassed Brad Miller to the tune of four goals.

That wasn't entirely Miller's fault because the Brisbane midfield was pretty much dominant and, if the on ballers didn't push the ball forward with immediacy, then their defence was in total control so it didn't matter very much; the Demons were simply swamped. By some miracle however, they managed to finally get the ball to another Brown (Nathan) for a goal late in the first term. Hallelujah!

I mustn't be too harsh on the Demons. They did have a young side on the park and a coach who was in control of a team at this level for only the second time up against a wily veteran who has been doing his thing for two decades and four premiership flags. Before that, he was a champion player for a long time - possibly the best of them all. In the event, Melbourne's lack of winning experience and its overall lack of preparation showed out on the night.

Riley certainly can't be held responsible for the team's horrendous injury list or the way the team has been prepared this year. It's been well publicised that the Demons went through a pre season that saw most of the players lose weight and reduce their skinfolds in order to bring out the athleticism required to play the game. I have to believe on what I saw that the experiment was ill founded. The theory appears to overlook the fact that, despite the efforts of the rules committee, the game still requires an element of muscle and physicality that simply isn't evident among most of the Melbourne players. If Brad Miller is supposed to be a key position player, then he'll inevitably come up against a brute like Jonathan Brown at some stage. His pre season training certainly hasn't equipped him for that task. Nor did that training add any pace to the side because the Demons were generally outrun for most of the night. And then you have to question why there are so many players out with soft tissue injuries.

There are some areas however, that the coach is responsible for and I question his slow reaction time to Brisbane's initial onslaught. Melbourne has been slow to start most of the year (recent examples are the Richmond and Essendon games) but I didn't see much of an effort to close up the game until we were into the second quarter. And the space in front of the leading Brown was more or less open for most of the evening.

Then there was the poor discipline on the field with Aaron Davey, Colin Sylvia and youngster Michael Newton all losing their cool at times. Such things are unacceptable and Riley needs to deal with them before things really get out of hand.

Perhaps the most obvious problem however, was the one-dimensional nature of the forward line. The team seemed focussed on going to Robbo who was well covered by an extra man dropping back into his region. Melbourne's delivery to him was appalling so it wasn't difficult for the Lions defenders to swoop on the ball and move it from defence to attack with consummate ease. The Demons badly needed another avenue to goal but unfortunately, this was only opened up in junk time in the final quarter when a number of goals to different individuals made things look a bit more respectable.

There wasn't much for the fans to be happy about but I suppose young blokes like Brock McLean (the standout for mine), Sylvia, Nathan Jones, Matthew Bate, Colin Garland, Lynden Dunn, James Frawley, Chris Johnson, Paul Johnson and Newton all learned a valuable lesson on what's required to succeed at this level. However, they still have a long way to go.

Of the more experienced players, Jeff White, Paul Wheatley, Nathan Brown and Nathan Carroll (when moved onto Brown) played their hearts out but that's not enough when your team's being pantsed.

The club's lack of professionalism was demonstrated when only a few of the younger players were introduced to the waiting crowd of fans at the after game function. The young blokes were good but that's not good enough. The senior players should have fronted the fans if only for a few minutes. Some of these fans have waited a long time for their team to come to this part of the world. Others travelled a long way to see the game. They deserved to have been treated with a bit more respect by the club and by the team.

But what do you expect from an outfit that displayed such an appalling lack of professionalism as was shown to the football world both on and off the field last night? The only thing that's left to be said is that whatever review the club undertakes now that the season's "done and dusted" will need to be a lot more far reaching than just the coaching position if its 150th anniversary year is to be both successful and memorable. Meanwhile, despite the fact that the boys and I have nothing to celebrate this morning, we're going to spend the day working on demolishing the contents of our esky if for nothing else than to forget everything that happened last night.

Melbourne 1.0.6 3.4.22 5.8.38 12.10.82

Brisbane Lions 6.5.41 7.12.54 14.14.98 18.18.126

Goals

Melbourne Davey 4 White 2 Brown Godfrey Jones McLean Robertson Sylvia

Brisbane Lions Brown 6 Copeland 3 Brennan 2 Adcock Drummond Leuenberger McGrath Notting Power Rischitelli

Best

Melbourne McLean Brown White Wheatley Davey Sylvia

Brisbane Lions Brown Power Lappin Copeland Drummond

Changes

Cameron Bruce (hamstring) replaced in the selected side by Colin Garland

Injuries

Nil

Reports

Joel Macdonald (Brisbane Lions) for wrestling in the third quarter.

Colin Sylvia (Melbourne) for wrestling in the third quarter.

Umpires Ellis Nicholls Pannell

Crowd 22,708 at the Gabba

[Goodvibes 3,596]

The only thing that's left to be said is that whatever review the club undertakes now that the season's "done and dusted" will need to be a lot more far reaching than just the coaching position if its 150th anniversary year is to be both successful and memorable. Meanwhile, despite the fact that the boys and I have nothing to celebrate this morning, we're going to spend the day working on demolishing the contents of our esky if for nothing else than to forget everything that happened last night.

I'll drink to that - mainly because I'm a great believer in the hair of the dog philosophy.

Thanks for the report Bananabender. It was a tough night, but hardly unexpected.

[Demonland 73,140]

I'll drink to that - mainly because I'm a great believer in the hair of the dog philosophy.

Thanks for the report Bananabender. It was a tough night, but hardly unexpected.

I've just received an SMS from Bananabender which I think is in response to your post. It reads:-

"Shit, we forgot the dog!"

[Goodvibes 3,596]

I've just received an SMS from Bananabender which I think is in response to your post. It reads:-

"[censored], we forgot the dog!"

Don't ever forget the dog!! Ahhh the fortunes of both the Dees and the throbbing hangovers of the QLD faithful can hopefully only improve from here.

[rumpole 522]

There are some areas however, that the coach is responsible for ...

I agree. The Riley honeymoon is over and while perhaps it might be unfair to pick at him in the circumstances, I don't think his coaching aspirations beyond round 22 were given a boost last night.

[Nasher 33,617]

I agree. The Riley honeymoon is over and while perhaps it might be unfair to pick at him in the circumstances, I don't think his coaching aspirations beyond round 22 were given a boost last night.

Riley is no more or less of a candidate after last night than he was before it.

[QueenC 74]

Thanks for such great review of such an ordinary display.......

It's been well publicised that the Demons went through a pre season that saw most of the players lose weight and reduce their skinfolds in order to bring out the athleticism required to play the game. I have to believe on what I saw that the experiment was ill founded. The theory appears to overlook the fact that, despite the efforts of the rules committee, the game still requires an element of muscle and physicality that simply isn't evident among most of the Melbourne players. If Brad Miller is supposed to be a key position player, then he'll inevitably come up against a brute like Jonathan Brown at some stage. His pre season training certainly hasn't equipped him for that task. Nor did that training add any pace to the side because the Demons were generally outrun for most of the night.

And this is the paragraph I found interesting, and I have a genuine question (and I am not looking to trash anyone, I just want an opinion)

Has there been any marked improvement in the teams capabilities due to the changed regime at the beginning of the year?

The comment regarding Miller being so much smaller than Brown is telling, especially since he is going to be asked to play on these kinds of guys if he stays in defence for any length of time. If this was to happen in the future (and don't start with the Miller bashing, that is not what we are here for, and he certainly isn't the only one in this kind of situation), you would think that he would have to bulk up some to be able to handle the rigours.

But Miller is just one example in a room of plenty, and it has been been brought up before, so I was simply wondering if anyone here thinks that there has been any particular physical or football benefits to the training and apparent weight loss that the team went through at the beginning of the year? Are we actually faster or running out games better? Or are we getting pushed off the ball easier and beaten up with minimal effort in the physical contests?

I am just curious about what people think, thanks !!!

[WonnaJurah 5]

I noticed there were a few fans after the game disappointed that the only players who came to the function were Garland, Newton and Buckley.

While it was good for us to meet the youngsters, they also missed Frawley as well as some others and several fans felt disappointed, but it's better then nothing.

[Jaded No More 68,973]

Riley is no more or less of a candidate after last night than he was before it.

True, but I'm still confused with his decision to play Newton anywhere but FF!

Surely, after having 8 shots at goal last week, he deserved to start and stay in the goal square.

At least he made the move on Brown early....

[beelzebub 23,383]

Would it have been to oincreduoulsy naieve to suggest that once the the cast was set and it was all over red rover by quarters end that maybe some lattitude and inventiveness might not have gone unwarranted ?

The starting setup was obviously a total failure. yet litel it seemd to this observer was really done to remedy it. Is this indeed a throwback to Robbo's ..""he's ( Riley ) just like Neale"" comment ??

Not trying to bury the bloke at this early juncture but he needed to to reshuffle the deck. It was a lost game. It needed a spark of "direction nouveau". Isnt this a little of what the rest of the season was about. No one expects Bomber to win many, so it doesnt matter. Its how he uses the cattle he has. This wasnt much chop !! ...indeed the only Chop was a lamb to the slaughter!!

[grazman 7,451]

Riley is no more or less of a candidate after last night than he was before it.

Agree Nash.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does that so many people can take such contrary positions at the drop of a hat. Many are saying they want the kids blooded, that we don't want to win matches to ensure the best draft position etc. Yet when we lose....

I've been really impressed by Riley and his approach and something about his demeanour reminds me a lot of Neil Craig (who I have a tremendous amount of respect for). I'll say right here and now that tactically he appears a very good coach. I Remember that when Craig took over from Ayres that the Crows were still getting belted too until the end of the season( and they weren't missing 12 of their starting 22) I hope that if the process reveals that he is the best person to coach the Dees in 08 the board are strong enough to go with the recommendation rather than a "higher profile" coach.

Jaded, I agree if we wanted to win the match then playing Robbo at Full Forward wasn't helping, but then again, maybe it was about teaching Robbo something and ensuring that at the start of 08 everybody knew what they needed to do to succeed.

Newton had a dirty night as did most of the kids, but its a learning curve.

[Jaded No More 68,973]

Newton had a dirty night as did most of the kids, but its a learning curve.

I agree, I think that tactically Riley does look very capable, and he reacts quickly.

As for Newton, can't expect him not to have a dirty night when he's thrown into the midfield in his third AFL match.

He got molested by the bigger, more experienced Brisbane midfield, and was lost in the heavy traffic. I still maintain that for the sake of our future, he should play FF or as close to goal as possible for the rest of the season.

[grazman 7,451]

As for Newton, can't expect him not to have a dirty night when he's thrown into the midfield in his third AFL match.

He got molested by the bigger, more experienced Brisbane midfield, and was lost in the heavy traffic. I still maintain that for the sake of our future, he should play FF or as close to goal as possible for the rest of the season.

Disagree, Newton isn't Plugger and very few are... he needs to learn some lessons and even though he had a dirty night, I was happy he was having a dip and didn't stop trying - ditto Garland.

[beelzebub 23,383]

I cant for the life of me understand what a tallish forward is doing anywhere near the middle of the ground.. . He's never going to be mid fielder.. he's to sharpen and hone his craft at the pointy end, thats where he'll be; surely !!

[Jaded No More 68,973]

Disagree, Newton isn't Plugger and very few are... he needs to learn some lessons and even though he had a dirty night, I was happy he was having a dip and didn't stop trying - ditto Garland.

I don't see how playing Newton in the midfield is going to achieve anything.

I understand the need to learn to play in different positions etc..., but will he ever be a midfielder? No.

Playing him as a half forward, or even down back, would have made sense to get him into the game, further his development and so on. Playing him in the middle doesn't make much sense to me, but then again, I agree that it was good to see him have a dip and not drop his head.

Funny how when Newton was thrown up forward in the last quarter, he immediately made a contest which brought the ball to the ground and resulted in a crumbing goal. That is something Robbo can't do because he doesn't have the height. He either takes a mark, or goes to ground.

[Nasher 33,617]

Playing him as a half forward, or even down back, would have made sense to get him into the game, further his development and so on. Playing him in the middle doesn't make much sense to me, but then again, I agree that it was good to see him have a dip and not drop his head.

I understand your point but I think it had merit, or at least, a reason. Look at it this way. The game was well beyond reach, and even when we had our "best" available combination in the middle (McDonald, McLean, Jones) we were still getting sodomised by Black, Lappin et al. We've got a bloke in the side who isn't getting near it in the forward line who's going to rot unless he gets in to the play somehow. We know he's familiar with the wings at Sandy. How about we take a punt and see if maybe he can produce something in a 5 minute pinch hit in the middle? Odds are he won't, but maybe he might. We lose nothing by trying.

What if it had been Neitz touchless in a half of footy? Would it be such a bad idea to chuck him in the middle for 5 minutes to try and getting him involved, throwing his weight around etc? Remember, Neitz will never be a midfielder either.

Btw I don't think Juice looked lost in the middle at all. He might prove to be a KPF who is capable of pinch hits in the middle of the ground. If that turns out to be the case, we've struck gold in a big way.

Funny how when Newton was thrown up forward in the last quarter, he immediately made a contest which brought the ball to the ground and resulted in a crumbing goal. That is something Robbo can't do because he doesn't have the height. He either takes a mark, or goes to ground.

I don't think Robbo's height is the issue. The issue is he still jumps even when he's leading out, and if he doesn't take the grab he goes arse over turkey on the landing. If he could keep his feet he could easily bring the ball to ground for the crumbers.

[deanox 9,989]

regarding robbo, he was beaten by a better player on the day. patfull stuck close on the leads, and he checked him closely. but i thought robbo worked hard to make a number of good leads. perhaps we needed to try and get patfull away from robbo for a while?

[Goodvibes 3,596]

Patfull was the perfect match-up for Robbo. There's very few like him in the comp. Medium size player who can match Robbo in the air and agile enough on the ground. Similar size I'm guessing to Bassett and Clement who traditionally go ok against Robbo.

[Rogue 585]

So sick of hearing about the shorts issue...

Hopefully the Dees give you something to cheer about next time you travel to the GABBA.

[QueenC 74]

So sick of hearing about the shorts issue....

Is it still making the news down there Rogue?

[Brocky 4]

Is it still making the news down there Rogue?

No, it's the posters who seem to think it represents the end of the world.

[Rogue 585]

Is it still making the news down there Rogue?

Match reports seem to use it as a segue into the tale of woe for Melbourne, but it's moreso the fact it rates a mention in every second thread on here

[QueenC 74]

Cheers fella's :D !!!

[Sydney Pennski 299]

I travelled from Far North Queensland with two other Demon supporters, departing in the early hours of Friday the Thirteenth and arriving only hours before the game. Despite the fact that we're all a bunch of uncouth slobs, we managed to pack our supplies almost perfectly. We had the ciggies in the glove box, the tinnies packed in the esky sitting down back in the station wagon and the only thing any one of us forgot was Moose's toothbrush and that's more or less superfluous anyway on account of him not being used to regular brushing and the fact that he lacks quite a few teeth anyway. At least he remembered to bring his only pair of matching thongs for the journey!

Pure gold. Hope you guys made it back safely! :D