My apologies if this has been put up before but  I could not remember it.

if you see a Collingwood supporter riding a push bike in front of you.

why should you swerve and avoid them ?

 

it’s probably your bike !

One I heard about 30 years ago:

What's the difference between a dead pig in the middle of the road and a dead Collingwood supporter in the middle of the road?

The skid marks in front of the pig.

How do you know a Collingwood supporter invented the toothbrush?

Otherwise it'd be called the teethbrush

Why can’t the Collingwood police ever solve any murders?

Coz there’s no dental records and everyone’s DNA is the same. 

What’s the definition of Confusion?

 

Father’s Day in Collingwood. 

A woman in Collingwood named all eight of her children Bradley. She did this so as when they’re playing outside and she calls them to come inside she just needs to yell out, ‘Bradley!’

When asked what if she just wants one of them to come inside she said, ‘I call out their surname.’

Bloke goes into the Lexus Centre to see what it's all about. Goes into the social club there and orders a beer. Standing next to him at the bar is Dane Swan!

Bloke says: "Hey Swanny. Ya wanna hear a Collingwood joke?"

Swan says, "Lissen mate. See the bloke next to me? That's Jordan de Goey. He don't mind a fight, just sayin'. An' see the bloke next ta him? That's Alan Didak, an' he likes hangin' 'round wiv bikies. Ya still wanna tell that joke?"

Bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm gunna have to explain it three times."

Boy says to his father: "Dad! Look at this! Me an' Baz broke into Eddie McGuire's house and stole his TV!"

Dad says: "Son, I'm very disappointed in ya."

Boy says: "Why?"

Dad says: "Coz ya fergot the remote!"

All,

I say this somewhat guiltily:

👏

Also looking forward to your kick-off of a bombers joke thread, @WalkingCivilWar.

47 minutes ago, Timothy Reddan-A'Blew said:

Also looking forward to your kick-off of a bombers joke thread, @WalkingCivilWar.

The bombers ARE a joke. How’s that for starters?! 🤪

10 minutes ago, radar said:

From a look-back at 20thC European history, noting the hand gesture and the man's behaviour...

Appease joke?

50 minutes ago, radar said:

That's just Vlad delivering the punchline to the joke about his magic lamp.

...or him boasting the height he achieved in the game little boys play with eachother?😉

Edited November 3, 20222 yr by Timothy Reddan-A'Blew

Best collection of Collingwood jokes from the people at the Punt Road End:

https://www.puntroadend.com/threads/collingwood-jokes-merged.2126/

 

Not a joke as such, but a very clever back page headline from the HS (circa late 1950s iirc).  It came after a very meritorious Melbourne victory over the Magpies:

” Today’s Magpies, Tomorrow’s Feather Dusters”

I loved it way back then, and I still do!

Of course the biggest joke of all:

How many premierships have Collingwood won in the last 64 years? (answer 2)!
How many premierships have Melbourne won in the same period? (answer4)!

4 hours ago, Dee Dee said:

Of course the biggest joke of all:

How many premierships have Collingwood won in the last 64 years? (answer 2)!
How many premierships have Melbourne won in the same period? (answer4)!

And how many Grand Finals have each played in and lost over the same period?

17 hours ago, Deeoldfart said:

Not a joke as such, but a very clever back page headline from the HS (circa late 1950s iirc).  It came after a very meritorious Melbourne victory over the Magpies:

” Today’s Magpies, Tomorrow’s Feather Dusters”

I loved it way back then, and I still do!

In the same vein, the Bulldogs’ banner writer used to be a comedian named Danny McGinlay and they’ve had some hilarious banners. My fave (coz it hangs [censored] on Collingwood) read:

HOTDOGS 

COLD PIES

LUKEWARM BEVERIDGES

😁

Alright it seems fashionable..

Bill walks past his neighbour Tom's house one morning and notices his car in the driveway has a cracked windshield and a seriously dented bonnet. It's also extremly dirty with mud, grass and even some red looking substance all over it. 

Tom comes outside to say g'day.

Tom: Morning neighbour!

Bill: Mate, what happened to your car? It looks like you've driven through the apocalypse?

Tom: Haha, yeah it's a heck of a story actually. Truth is I hit a pedestrian with my car last night on High St. 

Bill: My goodness Tom is everything alright?

Tom: Yeah look it's going to be a bit of a job getting this all fixed. As for the person I hit, you won't believe who it was either! Jack Ginnivan from Collingwood! 

Bill: My goodness, I don't even know where to start with all this! Gee wiz. Hey hang on a second, that explains the damage to the car but it looks absolutely filthy as well. What's that about?

Tom: Oh after the incident he tried to escape through the park. 

Edited November 7, 20222 yr by layzie

On 11/4/2022 at 12:12 PM, La Dee-vina Comedia said:

And how many Grand Finals have each played in and lost over the same period?

I'm sure it's been posted a 100 times before, but it never gets old!

(Since this video was made they've gone on to lose three further prelims in 2012, 2019 and 2022 + the 2018 Grand Final  🤣)