SO YOU THINK THIS NEVER HAPPENED by Whispering Jack

Those of you who have spent the last four or five days moping around wondering what might have been obviously have no imagination. Let me take you back to what you really did miss on Saturday.

Things were looking desperate for Melbourne when Eagle Josh Kennedy kicked his third goal for the game and second for the term, just two and a half minutes after the start of the second quarter. The score stood at West Coast 6.8.44 to Melbourne, a mere 0.3.3. However, it was just a minute or so later that a strange phenomenon occurred. 

The path of a recently discovered and unusual asteroid “Oumuamua” crossed South Western Australia in very close proximity to the earth, momentarily plunging Optus Stadium into darkness 

As the dense object veered across the outer reaches of the atmosphere, it released a plume of gaseous matter over the City of Perth that settled slowly over the ground where nearly 60,000 stunned fans had been watching a somewhat one-sided spectacle.

Suddenly, all television and radio transmission of the game was cut off completely. There was no mobile or WIFI reception to and from the ground and the entire State of WA was cut off from the rest of the world for several days. In their panic, Gillon McLauchlan and the AFL sent vision to the rest of Australia of a simulated game based on what they thought was taking place at the ground but they really had no clue as to what was really happening.

The world’s leading scientists have been unable to come up with an explanation as to the phenomenon  or its cause but there is no doubt that the events that took place on the football field below the path of the mysterious asteroid were certainly exceptional and unprecedented. 

Two minutes later, Luke Shuey limped off the field to join Jeremy McGovern on the interchange bench and the fortunes of the two adversaries turned around 180 degrees. At the eight minute mark of the quarter, Luke Ryan flew high over a pack in front of the Eagles’ goal and momentarily had the ball in his grasp but it fell into the waiting hands of Neville Jetta who took off, bounced the ball four times and sent it flying into a vacant Demon forward line. He took chase followed by Willie Rioli and, just as Jetta grabbed the ball, the first year Eagle clutched at his hamstring and his day was over. Jetta’s goal, his team’s first for the day, saw the margin reduced to 35 points.

Time passed and some moments later, a Clayton Oliver shot at goal that looked to be going through the wrong side of the goalpost, suddenly veered and appeared to just make it through for a major. The review was inconclusive and, as the goal umpire had paid it to Melbourne, the goal stood. Charlie Spargo was awarded a rare first half Demon free and the resultant 50 metre penalty put him close enough for a third unanswered goal to the visitors. Christian Petracca’s after-the-siren goal left Melbourne just 14 points down at the main break as Kennedy limped off the ground with a recurrence of the shin injury that had dogged him for much of the last half of the season.

The rest is history. The Demons lifted in the third quarter through Max Gawn’s ruck dominance to level the scores with a point on the siren that welcomed the final break and then Angus Brayshaw went berserk with four final quarter goals - some said it was in revenge for the uncalled for “Gaff attack” on his brother from two months earlier. The Eagles were powerless in the 27 degree heat without the ability to rotate any players and when Clayton Oliver, who had been carrying the team on his shoulders for most of the season, scored his second just before the bell, the margin stood at 27 points (as predicted by yours truly on Demonland just days before the game).

Melbourne was in its first grand final since 2000!

Oumuamua is hurtling through space and already a million miles away but all that has to be forgotten now. Nathan Buckley and his men will be surprised when they see the team that runs out against them in Saturday’s grand final and your task is to select that team.

THE GAME  
 
Melbourne v Collingwood at the MCG Saturday 30 September, 2018 at 2.300pm
 
HEAD TO HEAD
 
Overall Melbourne 83 wins, Collingwood 148 wins, 5 drawn
 
At the MCG Melbourne 63 wins, Collingwood 81 wins, 3 drawn
 
Last Five Meetings Melbou rne 3 wins, Collingwood  2 wins
 
The Coaches Goodwin 1 win, B uckley 2 wins
 
MEDIA
 
TV -  Channel 7, Fox Sports Footy Channel, live at 2.00pm
 
Radio -   Triple M 3AW SEN ABC ABC Grandstand 
 
LAST TIME THEY MET
 
Collingwood 20.13.133 defeated Melbourne 14.7.91 at the MCG in Round 12, 2018

Shortly before the start of the game, a meteor shower sprayed cosmic dust over the South Eastern corner of the country, causing a partial mental paralysis to take hold of the coaches and selectors. The result of the game is best forgotten.

THE TEAMS  
 
COLLINGWOOD

B: 
HB: 
?
HF: 
F:
Foll:
I/C:
Emg:

MELBOURNE

B: 
HB: 
?
HF: 
F:
Foll:
I/C:
Emg:

I think we're a sniff on Saturday.

Has Clarrie gone in for that shoulder operation yet?

Will Bernie get selected in the hope of winning his second premiership flag in 6 days?

Will Steven May, Andrew Gaff, Andrew Brayshaw, Adam Cerra or Josh Kelly be eligible for selection?

Can Cam Pedersen reverse his retirement in time to be a shock selection?

Lewis dropped finally.

Fritsch comes back in and kicks 5!

Is Goodwin the right coach though?

Is it going to rain on Sat, might wanna go small and choose our emergencies carefully.

I heard there was a similar effect on Etihad Stadium at 3/4 time on Sunday

  On 27/09/2018 at 07:19, Whispering_Jack said:

SO YOU THINK THIS NEVER HAPPENED by Whispering Jack

At the eight minute mark of the quarter, Luke Ryan flew high over a pack in front of the Eagles’ goal and momentarily had the ball in his grasp but it fell into the waiting hands of Neville Jetta who took off, bounced the ball four times and sent it flying into a vacant Demon forward line. He took chase followed by Willie Rioli and, just as Jetta grabbed the ball, the first year Eagle clutched at his hamstring and his day was over. Jetta’s goal, his team’s first for the day, saw the margin reduced to 35 points.

 

Boy did that astral phenomena change the world. The totally unthinkable happened. LUKE Ryan, who plays for Fremantle, was playing for WC. That Mr Whispering is just cosmic madness. If he dropped the mark it was deliberate and designed to cause WC to lose. Now LIAM Ryan, that's a different kettle of fish!

  On 27/09/2018 at 15:48, Aus in Engerland said:

Boy did that astral phenomena change the world. The totally unthinkable happened. LUKE Ryan, who plays for Fremantle, was playing for WC. That Mr Whispering is just cosmic madness. If he dropped the mark it was deliberate and designed to cause WC to lose. Now LIAM Ryan, that's a different kettle of fish!

There you go. That’s the effect that cosmic gas can have on the way of things. I believe that the last time this happened, it wiped out the dinosaurs. In the light of that, bumping off one AFL footballer was small fish to fry in that kettle.

I hate the filth ...

  On 27/09/2018 at 15:48, Aus in Engerland said:

Boy did that astral phenomena change the world. The totally unthinkable happened. LUKE Ryan, who plays for Fremantle, was playing for WC. That Mr Whispering is just cosmic madness. If he dropped the mark it was deliberate and designed to cause WC to lose. Now LIAM Ryan, that's a different kettle of fish!

At least LIAM Ryan has the best possible defence to this charge.

West Coast Eagles forward Liam Ryan charged with drink driving

It was the other bloke.

Is it worth considering , The Ox, Robbo, Neitz  & Stephen Tingay as surprise selections?

Angus ‘ Helmut’ Brayshaw comes from nowhere to win the Norm Smith 

  On 27/09/2018 at 07:26, Pinball Wizard said:

Will Bernie get selected in the hope of winning his second premiership flag in 6 days?

Bernie is the runner for the game.

  On 27/09/2018 at 07:31, Good Lord George said:

Will Steven May, Andrew Gaff, Andrew Brayshaw, Adam Cerra or Josh Kelly be eligible for selection?

Jesse Hogan sure won't be.

  On 28/09/2018 at 00:18, SFebes said:

Jesse Hogan sure won't be.

Rumour going around that Jesse passed a rigorous fitness test this morning and will play.

After reading this excellent piece, I’m wondering how it’s possible that so many people were wandering around the city last night wearing red and blue scarves and with big grins on their faces?