Collingwood Jokes

[gOLLy 401]

Cut and paste is a great thing on facebook...Love it!

[Sir Why You Little 34,697]

Cut and paste is a great thing on facebook...Love it!

Absolutely....i have at least 4 Filth supporters who will cop an eyefull over breakfast....smug bastards!!

[deeflog 679]

the best topic ever started on this site!!!!

dead set gold some of them

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So they're not mistaken for female collingwood supporters

[Range Rover 1,935]

A big boofhead Collingwood supporting Mum walks into Bunnings with her two ratbag kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the

entrance. The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Bunnings - nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"

The big boofhead mum stops screaming long enough to snarl:

"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really

think they look alike, ya digghead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would f**k you twice!"

Edited June 8, 2011 by Range Rover

[Kento80 83]

This one is just for you Kento

What's the difference between Mick malthouses post match press conference and child birth? Ones an extremely painful, Almost unbearable experience. The other is just having a baby

Awwww......shucks. Fanks Scooter

[daisycutter 28,637]

A couple of surgeons get together for a drink many years after they graduated

During reminiscing over their careers one surgeon remarks "I've done thousands of operations and the easiest ones are on Collingwood supporters".

The other says "Oh, why is that"

He replies "Well when you cut them open they only have two moving parts, their cake-hole and their arse-hole"

"And their both interchangeable"

boom, boom

[Jurrah Coffee 0]

Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?

A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

Q. What's the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist?

A. An arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches.

Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no CUP!!!

Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?

A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

A Collingwood scout gets a tip from an avid traveller about a young Iraqi kid who had spent a bit of time in Australia as a youngster that may be worth a look in the up coming draft. He's 6'6, runs the 100 in just over 10 seconds and had been kicking around the oval ball since he was 4. The scout didn't know what to make of it and asked Eddie if he though it was a good idea. Eddie was excited by the sound of the kid, but didn't want to waste a draft pick on a player neither of them had seen, so he sent the scout along with Nathan Buckley and Simon Prestigiacomo to Iraq to test the kid out.

Turned out the kid was even better than advertised. Not only was he too strong for Presty in the one on ones, he showed more than enough talent when matched against Buckley to suggest that he could be used anywhere on the field. The scout called Ed and raved about the kid long enough for Eddie to agree to pick the kid up in the draft.

Round one of the next season came and the young Iraqi was named at full forward for the game. 6 goals later, including one after the siren to win the game for the Maggies, he decided to call his mother and tell her about his first game.

"Mum, I kicked 6 goals and won the game for the team!"

His mother replied "I'm glad you had a good day son, but our day at home hasn't been quite as good. Your father was shot this morning and has gone to hospital, your younger brother was mugged and our house was bombed."

"Gosh mum, that's terrible. I'm sorry."

"You should be sorry , it's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place"

Edited June 8, 2011 by Jurrah Coffee

[Wadda We Sing 10,685]

A young girl comes from school and says to her mum, "mummy is it true that you can get pregnant from anal sex?" The mother looks at her young daughter with an inquisitive glance and says, "Why yes dear, that's where all the Collingwood supporters come from."

[Zarate Kid 20 0]

How do you circumcise a Collingwood supporter?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

POW

[Zarate Kid 20 0]

Why did Australia post recall their latest set of collingwood stamps?

Cos people didn't know which side to spit on

[gOLLy 401]

How do you circumcise a Collingwood supporter?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

POW

Post of the year

[H_T 2,941]

Did you hear that Eddie McGuire was complaining that a lot of clubs have done very well through the father and son rule.

Collingwood apparently has been missing out and not picking up many players through this rule and Eddie wants to change it.

The problem is that none of the Collingwood players know who their fathers are.

[daisycutter 28,637]

Did you hear that Eddie McGuire was complaining that a lot of clubs have done very well through the father and son rule.

Collingwood apparently has been missing out and not picking up many players through this rule and Eddie wants to change it.

The problem is that none of the Collingwood players know who their fathers are.

good one - tickled my fancy (so to speak)

[MrMoose 262]

A junior pathologist is performing an autopsy on a body. He rolls the deceased on it's back and see's a cork in the dead blokes bum. The pathologist pulls out the cork and then hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". The pathologist quickly puts the cork back in and the song stops. He pulls the cork out a second time and again hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................".

He puts the cork back in and goes and seeks out the Senior Pathologist.

The Senior Pathologist inspects the body and see's the cork. He also pulls the cork out and hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". He puts the cork back and says to the Junior Patholgist, "Don't worry, I've seen thousands of [censored] sing that song!"

[MrMoose 262]

Found a collingfilth supporter trying to pick the lock on my cars boot. I said, "Your in there for a reason you bastard."

[Chicken Deelicious 0]

How do you get a collingwood supporter pregnant? Spray in a rubbish bin and let the flies do the rest.

What do you call a Collingwood supporter at university? Lost.

What would you get if you crossed a half dead, fly blown donkey with a Collingwood supporter? Dont be stupid! Even a half dead, fly blown donkey wouldn't root a collingwood supporter.

Why do so many Collingwood fans get along to the MCG on the Queens Birthday? They think Eddie would be upset if they weren't there to watch him blow out the candles.

[MrMoose 262]

90% of men will tell you that the birth of their first child is the greatest thing to witness.....obviously they've never seen a collingfilth supporter watch a losing grand final!

[Scooter Mcgavin 1]

What's the difference between batman and a filth supporter? Batman can leave the house without Robbin.

[Suzanna 72]

A junior pathologist is performing an autopsy on a body. He rolls the deceased on it's back and see's a cork in the dead blokes bum. The pathologist pulls out the cork and then hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". The pathologist quickly puts the cork back in and the song stops. He pulls the cork out a second time and again hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................".

He puts the cork back in and goes and seeks out the Senior Pathologist.

The Senior Pathologist inspects the body and see's the cork. He also pulls the cork out and hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". He puts the cork back and says to the Junior Patholgist, "Don't worry, I've seen thousands of [censored] sing that song!"

OMG - I read that and almost wet myself laughing!!!!!!

I've never heard that one before and must remember it to tell EVERYONE.

:)

[Demon Stalwart 255]

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'

5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.

9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'

10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.

11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.

12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.

16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

18. How do you know when you are in a Collingwood supporters house

Because when the missus of the house walks into the room the mice all jump up on the chairs.

[deefan12 3]

You are locked in a room with a lion, a crocodile and a collingwood supporter. You have a gun but only two bullets! What do you do?

......?????

......?????

You shoot the Collingwood supporter!

TWICE!!!

[H_T 2,941]

A junior pathologist is performing an autopsy on a body. He rolls the deceased on it's back and see's a cork in the dead blokes bum. The pathologist pulls out the cork and then hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". The pathologist quickly puts the cork back in and the song stops. He pulls the cork out a second time and again hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................".

He puts the cork back in and goes and seeks out the Senior Pathologist.

The Senior Pathologist inspects the body and see's the cork. He also pulls the cork out and hears, "Good old Collingwood forever...................". He puts the cork back and says to the Junior Patholgist, "Don't worry, I've seen thousands of [censored] sing that song!"

Like.

[hellraiser 0]

[Kento80 83]

LMAO :) Cracking photo!