Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.
Q. What's the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist?
A. An arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches.
Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no CUP!!!
Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
A Collingwood scout gets a tip from an avid traveller about a young Iraqi kid who had spent a bit of time in Australia as a youngster that may be worth a look in the up coming draft. He's 6'6, runs the 100 in just over 10 seconds and had been kicking around the oval ball since he was 4. The scout didn't know what to make of it and asked Eddie if he though it was a good idea. Eddie was excited by the sound of the kid, but didn't want to waste a draft pick on a player neither of them had seen, so he sent the scout along with Nathan Buckley and Simon Prestigiacomo to Iraq to test the kid out.
Turned out the kid was even better than advertised. Not only was he too strong for Presty in the one on ones, he showed more than enough talent when matched against Buckley to suggest that he could be used anywhere on the field. The scout called Ed and raved about the kid long enough for Eddie to agree to pick the kid up in the draft.
Round one of the next season came and the young Iraqi was named at full forward for the game. 6 goals later, including one after the siren to win the game for the Maggies, he decided to call his mother and tell her about his first game.
"Mum, I kicked 6 goals and won the game for the team!"
His mother replied "I'm glad you had a good day son, but our day at home hasn't been quite as good. Your father was shot this morning and has gone to hospital, your younger brother was mugged and our house was bombed."
"Gosh mum, that's terrible. I'm sorry."
"You should be sorry , it's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place"