Brilliant one-liners

[H_T 3,049]

don't [censored] on me and tell me its raining

Down my back...

[Guest Jackie]

"He hit an air pocket" (choke, clear throat, cough, cough, splutter). Jack Dyer commentating on Gary Lyon's 80+ metre goal during Prelim Final 1988 against Carlton.

[Striker475 696]

'Save....the booze.' W.C. Fields to firefighters while watching his house burn down.

[McQueen 17,867]

"On the other hand, you have different fingers".

[Redleg 41,577]

:Not that there is anything wrong with it" - Jerry Seinfeld.

[Striker475 696]

"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they are rather difficult to verify." - Abraham Lincoln

[McQueen 17,867]

Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

[Choko 493]

I resemble that comment.

[Nasher 33,617]

I resemble that comment.

Hehe. There's a guy at my work who uses that one all the time, people are never quite sure what to make of it.

[s-t-i-n-g-a 439]

Got a head like a half eaten pastie...

[DemonWA 3,936]

Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

As i’ve told you 1 million times, do not exaggerate

[Jack Jack 415]

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and genitals, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Classic Robin Williams

[Choko 493]

Hehe. There's a guy at my work who uses that one all the time, people are never quite sure what to make of it.

Where do you work? haha! I have been known to use that line at work. If delivered well, with a straight face, people aren't sure whether you have a poor command of English or whether it is an attempt at humour.

[Outside fifty 967]

"Nice Beaver"

Frank Drebin

[H_T 3,049]

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and genitals, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Classic Robin Williams

Haha !

[Steamin Demon 392]

I will never apologise, I'm sorry Lisa that's just the way I am. - Homer Simpson

[McQueen 17,867]

Got a head like a half eaten pastie...

Or a dropped pie...

[Jaded No More 68,974]

-That's what she said

We've upgraded to the much funnier "just like your first time".

It works in so many situations!

[Sir Why You Little 37,165]

'Save....the booze.' W.C. Fields to firefighters while watching his house burn down.

Hahaha!

[Sir Why You Little 37,165]

"Take my wife...please!"

[Chook 15,022]

It works in so many situations!

That's what she said.

"Kids, your mother and I are in the middle of a very sticky, nutty, chewy . . . aghghgh. Boy, put that away."

One of the best moments of the entire run of the Simpsons.

"I can't BE with someone if I don't respect what they do."

"You're a cashier!"

[daisycutter 29,745]

What the #$%^ was that? - Mayor of Hiroshima 1945

[daisycutter 29,745]

"I did not have sex with that woman"

[Bitter but optimistic 22,250]

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

GB Shaw.

[Macca 17,041]

"I always remember a face but in your case I'll make an exception!" Groucho Marx

After the players adjourned for lunch in a Test match at Lords, Groucho Marx (attending his first cricket match) was quoted:

"This is great, when does it start?"