Kozzies old man stand up comedy 🤣
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZT45Pl0nZA

Edited January 17Jan 17 by Fork 'em

What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

I don't know what the best thing about Switzerland is but the flag is a big plus.

Why did Donald Trump cross the road?

Because the taxes were too high in Boston.

2 hours ago, Bowserpower said:

Why did Donald Trump cross the road?

Because the taxes were too high in Boston.

Trump would cross any road if it meant lower taxes (Boston being a centre for high taxes)?

With his history of bankruptcies (6, or is it 7), I imagine he’d walk straight under a bus, which might be a very satisfactory punch line for that joke.

How would you feel if you called the Incontinence Helpline and the person at the other end responded to your call with "Please hold"?

Would it help?

My friend is a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac.

He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left side?

He was alright.

On 19/01/2026 at 08:40, Bowserpower said:

Why did Donald Trump cross the road?

Because the taxes were too high in Boston.

On 19/01/2026 at 11:25, hardtack said:

Trump would cross any road if it meant lower taxes (Boston being a centre for high taxes)?

With his history of bankruptcies (6, or is it 7), I imagine he’d walk straight under a bus, which might be a very satisfactory punch line for that joke.

Trump living rent free in your heads.
Now that's funny 🤣🤣

On 19/01/2026 at 16:13, Witches Hat said:

My friend is a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac.

He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

My friend is dyslexic. He’s a member of the N.A.D. (National Dyslexia Association)

My English teacher said that I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia.

Well, I showed her. So far I've made two vases, a coffee mug and an ashtray.

16 hours ago, Demonstone said:

My English teacher said that I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia.

Well, I showed her. So far I've made two vases, a coffee mug and an ashtray.

I did not believe there were any of these I had not heard before. Congratulations.

The remedial works on my building have progressed to the next engineer inspection and just now the engineer, site supervisor and lead concreter all 'inspected' the balcony works. Picture me slurping my coffee, checking Demonland and glancing up to see three grown men doing gumby jumps outside my third-floor window.

"Well, that one's pretty solid," said the engineer.

My desire to spontaneously sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is always just a whim away

I was fired from last job marking exam papers. I couldn't understand it as I always gave 110%.

On 19/01/2026 at 16:13, Witches Hat said:

My friend is a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac.

He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Husband goes to his wife with a duck in his hand.

This is the pig I been sleeping with, the husband says.

Wife says, that’s not a pig, that’s a duck you fool.

Husband goes, I wasn’t talking to you.

Edited January 23Jan 23 by Previously known as LITD.

On 23/01/2026 at 15:49, Previously known as LITD. said:

Husband goes to his wife with a duck in his hand.

This is the pig I been sleeping with, the husband says.

Wife says, that’s not a pig, that’s a duck you fool.

Husband goes, I wasn’t talking to you.

Wife's reaction??

I'd like to give a special condemnation here to Demonstone's 'high ceiling' joke.

On 20/01/2026 at 16:15, Fork 'em said:

Trump living rent free in your heads.
Now that's funny 🤣🤣

Nah, he’s in our faces every single day of the week.

Three women sitting down having coffee discussing their teenage daughters.

1st woman says " I got a shock today, went to my daughters room and found cigarettes, and I didn't know she smoked."

2nd woman says " same here, I found a bottle of vodka in my daughters room and I didn't know she drank".

3rd woman says " thats nothing, I found a packet of condoms in my daughters room, and I didn't know she had a [censored]"

Possibly the best joke ever told.

I was recently in a chicken shop that had a special offer for that day only whereby, if you sang a 70s pop song for them, they’d throw in a free large serve of chips with your order.

Sure enough, after I sang an Abba song for them I duly received my freebies.

If I had to do the same again, I would my friend … for Nando’s.

The VFL fixture , hopefully that isn't considered as hate speech !!!!

On 20/01/2026 at 16:40, Ghostwriter said:

My friend is dyslexic. He’s a member of the N.A.D. (National Dyslexia Association)

You have one of the best sense of humours on this site. Not for this one though. It's ok

But every other time, you rarely dissappoint.

Just thought I'd let you know that you are genuinely funny person.

On 31/01/2026 at 17:22, Previously known as LITD. said:

You have one of the best sense of humours on this site. Not for this one though. It's ok

But every other time, you rarely dissappoint.

Just thought I'd let you know that you are genuinely funny person.

I didn’t mean to offend anyone and I’m sorry if I did.