1. ‘Joy’ is not something you ever experience at the footy. It’s your 89-year-old personal assistant, who has been with you for years and whose only job is to renew your MCC membership each year.
2. You’ve heard every skiing and Mt Buller joke before. Mainly from other Melbourne supporters while you’re skiing at Mt Buller.

3. Each time you think things are getting better, they don’t.
4. You wonder why you still get angry when Melbourne are on the end of another belting.
5. That round were the AFL trialled names on jumpers was when you learnt that Robbie Flower is no longer Captain and Allan La Fontaine seems to have retired.

6. In a terrible mix up, you once watched the footy at the MCG from outside the MCC. You still wake up in the night sometimes in a cold sweat remembering the people.
7. Thinking about our drafting over the last decade makes you want to throw your whiskey glass out your chateau window.
8. There is no doubt in your mind that the curse of Norm Smith is real and will never be broken.

9. People make jokes about you driving a Range Rover, but the cost of servicing a Range Rover is no laughing matter.
10. You know we have the best looking jumper in the league.
11. You hope Garry Lyon never ‘helps’ choose a coach again.

12. Opposition fans treaty you with pity and even kindness. It’s truly awful.
13. ‘Diversity’ on the Melbourne board means every major private school is represented.
14. You remember Allen Jakovich with enormous fondness.
15. The other day you were just reminiscing about Number Nine’s wonderful career, over cigars.
16. You’ve sat through many a game, watching players who have completely given up, never break out of a jog.
17. It’s getting hard to be proud of 12 Premierships when the last one was in 1964.
18. You worry that signing your kids up as members, might result in a knock on the door by the Department of Human Services.
19. The jury’s still out on whether naming your newborn son ‘Paul Roos’ was a good idea.

http://www.news.com.au/sport/afl/melbourne-demons-fan-heres-how-you-spot-one-hold-the-range-rover-jokes-please/story-fndv8pdq-1227033407301

Edited August 25, 201411 yr by Mac7

#10 is one of the features of the club I cling to. "Oh, you won the premiership last year? That's nice, but you still dress in poo and wee."

#18 raised a good smile here.

Bandages on the wrists, walking along eating a baked spud.

20. You don't bother utilizing break times to meet up with friends. You make the most of the lack of queues and plan to meet them half way through the first quarter.

9. People make jokes about you driving a Range Rover, but the cost of servicing a Range Rover is no laughing matter.

Don't be silly! I wouldn't be seen dead in a Range Rover.

you went to 9 home games and MFC lost all of them.

first club in 33 years not to win a home game.

Yes !!

20. You don't bother utilizing break times to meet up with friends. You make the most of the lack of queues and plan to meet them half way through the first quarter.

....also known as "when the game is over"

you went to 9 home games and MFC lost all of them.

first club in 33 years not to win a home game.

Yes !!

l'm lucky l went to the away games against Bummers,Toygs and Boos and they were good wins but.............................................???

Your face on the train after the game.

Excellent Mac7 Made my day and it is only 9.24AM

20. U have a "padded room" in your house to rest and recover after each game.

21. You are seen as a respectable, level headed, mature and caring father but you have to keep reminding yourself of this as your wife and kids are sitting next to you watching you try to stay calm as the boys lack of skill is on show for all to see.

22. You suggest to the club that a fabulous marketing idea is to introduce a 22 home and away half game membership - (you only get to watch games up to half time which is about all most of us can stomach anyway)

You laugh at the option on the membership form (guaranteed finals ticket)

you feel extremely guilty after converting your kiwi best bud to a melb supporter.

you know you are when during the 3rd qtr your stuck on 14d .....and stragely the bloke next to you helps as he's doing the same cross-word

When you go to G and the main thing on your mind is 'at least I can clamly walk to the toilet anytime I like (preferably during the game) knowing full well I will be the only person standing at the urinal'.

You readily and eagerly initiate football-based conversations, but when any asks who you support you say 'I'd rather not say.'

Always interesting to hear who they think you go for. Generally depends in who they support.

When you look up the scores from overseas and are pleasantly surprised to see you only lost by 11 goals.

When you look up the scores from overseas and are pleasantly surprised to see you only lost by 11 goals.

Following on From that " you don't object when your wife wants to take an overseas holiday during Footy season.

When you tell a guy you barrack for Melbourne and their reaction is "oh so you mustn't actually follow the footy"

I think there's an error in #4. Surely it should be:

You wonder why you still don't get angry when Melbourne are on the end of another belting.

When you tell a guy you barrack for Melbourne and their reaction is "oh so you mustn't actually follow the footy"

When I tell people I barrack for Melbourne - they slowly shake their heads and say " sad really" - Geez I hate that.

When I tell people I barrack for Melbourne - they slowly shake their heads and say " sad really" - Geez I hate that.

This year i got the "oh well roos looks like he might have them on the mend, theres light at the end of the tunnel champ".

makes me angry