INTO DARKNESS: THE BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS by The Oracle

Following Melbourne these days is like waking up from a bad dream.

It was only two or three weeks ago that things were looking up after that 12 goal final quarter against GWS and a dwindling injury list gave us some hope of better things to come. Even the defeat at the hands of Brisbane at the Gabba didn't seem so bad given the losing margin was contained to a margin of slightly less than five goals.

But all of a sudden and almost in the blink of an eye, our worst nightmare was realised. A home game against the Gold Coast Suns, several key players injured and unavailable and the team runs out in front of its last remaining 13 thousand or so supporters and it produces an inept, soul destroying, non-competitive, soft performance that highlights that, apart from possibly GWS, it is the AFL's easiest team to play against.

There were few redeeming features, most provided by young blokes like Jack Viney and Max Gawn who tried their hearts out, lion-hearted new skipper Nathan Jones despite having to fight off a hard tag and Jeremy Howe. Mature age newcomers Matt Jones and Dean Terlich battled hard but that was it - many of the others were spectators, wasting our time and standing around like stale laboratory samples.

Nothing went right and the team was penalised heavily for simply being inept and inert, unwilling to chase and work anywhere near hard enough, especially against a young team willing to run and spread into the empty spaces its opposition appeared to be too lazy or simply physically unable to fill. They moved from defence to attack without resistance. In that respect, Melbourne has advanced not a single inch since it hosted the last Queensland team it played against at home in the opening round of 2012 when Mark Neeld coached his first game.

Since then he's produced a team that's good only at botching things up like running too far and giving up an easy goal or standing around watching the footy do four or five leg breaks before finding its way between the big sticks or blowing any chance of a second half comeback by giving away a free in front goal before proceedings have even started - all characteristic of teams that are simply not switched on or awake.

The night before the game I had a dream in which I saw the legendary Hawthorn coach John Kennedy delivering his famous plea to his players and bellowing out loud:

"DO SOMETHING!"

In my dream, he was addressing Neeld and his panel of coaches but they did nothing. Couldn't even get the team to produce a half decent tackle count. It didn't take long for the dream to come true.

But if fingers are to be pointed at the coach and his assistants for the disaster that unfolded at the MCG on Mothers Day, then they should also be pointed at the fitness and conditioning people because to their shame, the Demons couldn't even run out a game better than the Suns who finished a couple of players short because of injury. And that must surely be a fitting epitaph to one of our worst nightmares.

Melbourne 0.2.2 3.7.25 4.10.34 7.12.54

Gold Coast Suns

5.5.35 9.8.62 14.12.96 16.18.114

Goals

Melbourne

Howe 3 Gawn 2 Strauss Sylvia

Gold Coast Suns Brown Smith 3, Hall Lynch 2 Bennell Day Harbrow McKenzie May Shaw

Best

Melbourne Howe Viney N Jones Gawn Terlich M Jones

Gold Coast Ablett Bennell Shaw Brennan Smith Thompson

Injuries

Melbourne 13,000 fans (broken hearts)

Gold Coast Brennan (concussion) Murphy (concussion)

Changes

Melbourne Nil

Gold Coast Nil

Reports

Melbourne Colin Sylvia for allegedly striking Jared Brennan

Gold Coast Nil

Umpires McBurney Armstrong Harris

Crowd 13,304 at the MCG

A list of the basic errors Melbourne players make over and over again:

• Not watching the hips when tackling
• Not turning around quickly enough to face forward after taking a mark
• Not working back quickly enough to kick over the mark
• Not shepherding
• Not marking their opponent
• Kicking and handpassing to a stationary teammate
• Kicking and handpassing to a teammate under pressure
• Calling for the ball when stationary
• Calling for the ball when under pressure
• Kicking to where a teammate is, not where he will be
• Not talking to one and other
• Not being front-and-centre when ball kicked to a contested situation
• General poor kicking skills
• General poor handpassing skills
• General poor marking skills
• Not sprinting over first two to three metres with and without ball

Feel free to add your own.

Is it possible to make 21 changes for next week?

Out: everybody but Viney

In: who the [censored] cares

Hiring Mark Neeld

Anyone got the number for beyond blue

Time to give the guy driving the reality bus a breath test.

what are Neelds chances of making it through the next two days?

if neeld's press confrence focuses on "positives" he has miraculously found in the match i will loose my mind

Numb. Think I'll have a Scotch and make it a double.

My personal favourite moment was when Terlich was taking a kick-in. 5 stationary players in the middle of the ground, just pointing.

Craigy's 'Clip of the week'?

what are Neelds chances of making it through the next two days?

None , I hope!!

To be honest, I think I'll skip going to the rest of the game this year, my anger can't deal with this anymore, I'll either kill some one at the game or kill some one on the way home.

Freaking over this club, it will be the death of me.

couldn't be happier to not be in the country next week.

So proud of the boys today. Just couldn't fault their effort. Fantastic performance; absolutely no shame in being beaten by such a highly esteemed opposition. Well done lads, you did the club proud.

Just leaving ground....it is just sad. Feel for the families and kids giving up three hours for that bunch of losers. As someone screamed out at the race "unless you have a crack like jack Viney don't bother turning up next week "

Done by a team that's further ahead than us in terms of development.

Top 10 youngsters 3 years ago, the best player of the modern era, heaps of coin, AFL backing, magnificent midfield.

Our poor draft choices over the last 5 years may finish this club off for good.

Edited May 12, 201312 yr by jumbo returns

Come on Condemned. Chin up. We're getting a new coach.

I am at a loss. I really am.

We never looked in it, not once.

14 players didnt lay a tackle just got home from the G what a disgrace Bail Just go away!

There was one positive for me today.

The free packs of fantales we scored that they were giving out at Richmond station.

Freaking over this club, it will be the death of me.

Don't think u r the only one feeling like this condemned

So proud of the boys today. Just couldn't fault their effort. Fantastic performance; absolutely no shame in being beaten by such a highly esteemed opposition. Well done lads, you did the club proud.

The best thing about being a Melbourne supporter is you just know everyone always gives their all.

Viney, M Jones, Gawn and Howe. That's all. N Jones gets no support and it it really starting to show.

And I have been prepared to wait for improvement under neeld. Not any more after that listless wimpy display. He can go and get farked. And he can take frawley and a few of his sooky mates with him.

To be honest, I think I'll skip going to the rest of the game this year, my anger can't deal with this anymore, I'll either kill some one at the game or kill some one on the way home.

Freaking over this club, it will be the death of me.

I was like that a few weeks ago. Bordering on violent.

The next stage is easier. I feel nothing.