The No T$ No B$ Thread

[picket fence 17,652]

3 hours ago, hemingway said:

I have been missing in action for a few days, just logged on to see what's happening on this remarkable thread. it is truly remarkable and from reading the posts over recent days i am a little reassured that i am not as crazy or wacko as i thought i was. there are some true eccentrics on this thread and of course i am being polite in using the term eccentric. there is an interesting little debate in my mind as to whether posters to this thread are truly eccentric or just simply highly imaginative. all that matters is that it makes for enjoyable reading with plenty of belly laughs along the way. keep it up fellow eccentrics. you make the other threads seem so boringly sane and rational, and that is not good for anyone's health. sorry guys i could not fit bananas into this post. oops I just did. by the way the organic bananas in the area i am currently convalescing are very sweet and tasty and go very well washed down with some organic red wine. i am so full of disease that i have become a vegetarian and eat only organic bananas, fruit and vegetables. my mood is not so good however, but i am going cold turkey and expect to overcome my past carnivorous habits in 6 to 12 months. fortunately, tasty organic vegetables are much better washed down with high quality organic wine, with the occasional after dinner single malt. i am finding yoga is helping as well. who would have thought that old Ernie, the amateur boxer, fisherman, big game hunter, with a penchant for guns, women and bull fights would have got to this state. well its never to late to change. i am slowly getting accustomed to the thought that in my final years I may be supporting a successful football team. now that will be the biggest change and make for the greatest change in my mood and behaviour on wintry weekends. and of course it will bring radical change to demonland and the opinions of posters. it will become terribly boring to read posters that tell other fellow tragics how good we are. my perverse nature means that i have always despised the successful clubs and their supporters because of their born to win attitudes and arrogance. i would hate that to happen to demon supporters (understanding that we do have our share of tossers as supporters, particularly in the members stand), but hopefully the critics, sceptics and depressives will continue to post their opinions as part of their on-going treatment. and to never forget that defeat and loss is always just around the corner, like taxes and death. it always seemed the case that snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory is part of our DNA. however, we have a new gene pool of kids that do not share the old genes of past generations and actually believe success is not only possible but assured. lets hope they start reproducing soon so we will a new intake of sons of guns.

 

Hemingway, I gotta say it and I say it with heart! 

I luuurve your style!!

PF 

[Redleg 41,635]

I am wearing a hat that says Hemingway but it doesn't refer to Ernie, it refers to a Stallion/ former racehorse. 

The people over here think I am a lover of the work of Ernie.  

More importantly not a banana in sight. 

[Bitter but optimistic 22,250]

Good morning lesser beings. Good old uncle bitters has just ordered an overpriced and oversized breakfast at Tulla , prior to heading off on an Asian odyssey. Once again my diplomacy in dealing with poor people will be on display.

Im quite generous with the natives and provided they are properly deferential I shall cast a few coins in their direction

BTw   As requested Earl , I shall spread a few flyers around the Forbidden City extolling the aphrodisiac qualities of Guava paste

Sorry to hear Ernie has been feeling poorly, I shall try and obtain some powdered white rhino horn for him

looking forward to a foot massage in Peking - they seem very exciting

[AzzKikA 2,371]

18 hours ago, H_T said:

Any planes? 

I see you're nearly halfway between Hawaii and San Fran. Surely the skipper would have been good enough to fly in several large bunches of bananas from the surrounding islands off Hawaii for the home route to San Fran?? You have a lot of pull RL.

Have you had dinner with the Captain yet RL? 

 

 

I have called the coast guard in, they are on their way.

 

 

[H_T 3,049]

Nice one Ar se kicker! 

I've checked RL's progress and it appears the floatation city of Serenity (not the serenity depicted in The Castle by any stretch) is stuck in first gear. I'd dearly love a cruise like that.

Given the camera positioning dead ahead view from the Captains quarters, Redleg has no concerns of any movements or spillage of his red wine during his San Diego bound feast! {unfortunately missing banana fritter - off the menu}.

You would think given Americans spruik their detailed range of foods on their 16 page menus - they would at least bow to Redleg's request of a small bunch of bananas so that he may devour the finest of Banana Fritters for dessert.

Pft..yanks.

[Demon Dynasty 17,109]

On 6/9/2016 at 4:00 PM, hemingway said:

I have been missing in action for a few days, just logged on to see what's happening on this remarkable thread. it is truly remarkable and from reading the posts over recent days i am a little reassured that i am not as crazy or wacko as i thought i was. there are some true eccentrics on this thread and of course i am being polite in using the term eccentric. there is an interesting little debate in my mind as to whether posters to this thread are truly eccentric or just simply highly imaginative. all that matters is that it makes for enjoyable reading with plenty of belly laughs along the way. keep it up fellow eccentrics. you make the other threads seem so boringly sane and rational, and that is not good for anyone's health. sorry guys i could not fit bananas into this post. oops I just did. by the way the organic bananas in the area i am currently convalescing are very sweet and tasty and go very well washed down with some organic red wine. i am so full of disease that i have become a vegetarian and eat only organic bananas, fruit and vegetables. my mood is not so good however, but i am going cold turkey and expect to overcome my past carnivorous habits in 6 to 12 months. fortunately, tasty organic vegetables are much better washed down with high quality organic wine, with the occasional after dinner single malt. i am finding yoga is helping as well. who would have thought that old Ernie, the amateur boxer, fisherman, big game hunter, with a penchant for guns, women and bull fights would have got to this state. well its never to late to change. i am slowly getting accustomed to the thought that in my final years I may be supporting a successful football team. now that will be the biggest change and make for the greatest change in my mood and behaviour on wintry weekends. and of course it will bring radical change to demonland and the opinions of posters. it will become terribly boring to read posters that tell other fellow tragics how good we are. my perverse nature means that i have always despised the successful clubs and their supporters because of their born to win attitudes and arrogance. i would hate that to happen to demon supporters (understanding that we do have our share of tossers as supporters, particularly in the members stand), but hopefully the critics, sceptics and depressives will continue to post their opinions as part of their on-going treatment. and to never forget that defeat and loss is always just around the corner, like taxes and death. it always seemed the case that snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory is part of our DNA. however, we have a new gene pool of kids that do not share the old genes of past generations and actually believe success is not only possible but assured. lets hope they start reproducing soon so we will a new intake of sons of guns.

 

Have made the leap of faith and haven't looked back. A bit flexible though, occasionally throwing in a little stir fried chicken or a bit of fried whiting/flake to mix it up but even going off chicken now. Haven't touched meat in a year and can't handle the smell/taste anymore in any form. Although the smell of bacon is still difficult to ignore.

Also drinking a fair amount of PH Alkaline water. Seems to give me a fair bit of extra energy and is supposed to create a horrid environment for nasty disease thingies (so they say!).

Can't say i've tried many organic bananas however. Would go down well in a banana cake maybe with a nice cuppa (or a single malt lol).

[Demon Dynasty 17,109]

On 6/8/2016 at 1:44 PM, Redleg said:

SanFrancisco to Hawaii and back. Heading back to SFC now and then 3 days in Napa Valley to try some wine and a few days in LA before returning to see the Dees rack up another 5-6 wins after the Swans game. 

Sounds like the cruise is working wonders! Possibly a tonic for all suffering landers

[Moonshadow 17,677]

I've heard rumours through government intelligence agencies (yes, I know that's a foxymoron) that a senior Demonland dignitary has been arrested in China on suspicion of importation of hard drugs inside empty Shiraz bottles. Apparently the dozen bottles were full of Shiraz at Tulla airport but the wine must've vanished mid flight, replaced with condoms containing white powder upon inspection in Shanghai. Crack Chinese security police are trying to ascertain what happened to the Shiraz and where the condoms were 'harboured' before being stuffed into the bottles. Any guesses who? More later......

 

[Earl Hood 6,103]

8 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

I've heard rumours through government intelligence agencies (yes, I know that's a foxymoron) that a senior Demonland dignitary has been arrested in China on suspicion of importation of hard drugs inside empty Shiraz bottles. Apparently the dozen bottles were full of Shiraz at Tulla airport but the wine must've vanished mid flight, replaced with condoms containing white powder upon inspection in Shanghai. Crack Chinese security police are trying to ascertain what happened to the Shiraz and where the condoms were 'harboured' before being stuffed into the bottles. Any guesses who? More later......

 

Dear me I fear it may be Uncle B you refer to Moons. If so I am sure this is a complete misunderstanding. Uncle was transporting several kilos of Guava powder on my behalf as part of a major marketing exercise I am undertaking in China to promote the health enhancing qualities of guava powder, just add water and you have the magic of G paste! 

As for the bottles of Shiraz I think that is the norm for Uncle on a long haul flight, a bottle an hour. 

[dpositive 1,745]

On 6/10/2016 at 11:15 PM, Rusty Nails said:

Have made the leap of faith and haven't looked back. A bit flexible though, occasionally throwing in a little stir fried chicken or a bit of fried whiting/flake to mix it up but even going off chicken now. Haven't touched meat in a year and can't handle the smell/taste anymore in any form. Although the smell of bacon is still difficult to ignore.

Also drinking a fair amount of PH Alkaline water. Seems to give me a fair bit of extra energy and is supposed to create a horrid environment for nasty disease thingies (so they say!).

Can't say i've tried many organic bananas however. Would go down well in a banana cake maybe with a nice cuppa (or a single malt lol).

Havent heard of this PH Alkaline water before. But could certainly do with that extra energy. As for nasty disease thingies Im sure the hedonistic lifestyle models we  are exposed to on this thread provide enough diverse alternatives to ensure said thingies cannot adapt any resistance  nor mutate quickly enough to overcome every pleasure we undertake.

[picket fence 17,652]

On 6/10/2016 at 8:31 AM, Bitter but optimistic said:

Good morning lesser beings. Good old uncle bitters has just ordered an overpriced and oversized breakfast at Tulla , prior to heading off on an Asian odyssey. Once again my diplomacy in dealing with poor people will be on display.

Im quite generous with the natives and provided they are properly deferential I shall cast a few coins in their direction

BTw   As requested Earl , I shall spread a few flyers around the Forbidden City extolling the aphrodisiac qualities of Guava paste

Sorry to hear Ernie has been feeling poorly, I shall try and obtain some powdered white rhino horn for him

looking forward to a foot massage in Peking - they seem very exciting

Or he can jump the queue and come straight to Dr. Fence Md 

After all did I not fix your ahh Skin ailment on your Foot Uncle Bitter???

[Demon Dynasty 17,109]

7 hours ago, dpositive said:

Havent heard of this PH Alkaline water before. But could certainly do with that extra energy. As for nasty disease thingies Im sure the hedonistic lifestyle models we  are exposed to on this thread provide enough diverse alternatives to ensure said thingies cannot adapt any resistance  nor mutate quickly enough to overcome every pleasure we undertake.

D u may well be right. Although some of us may have already mutated after partaking too often in some of these alternatives and might now be immune! Also if you consume enough red (or white or anything with grapes as a base) I'm sure most of the nasty "thingies" would have trouble surviving the massive dose of sulphur dioxide that accompanies such delights! That stuff could kill a rhino depending on the dose

Edited June 12, 2016 by Rusty Nails

[Bitter but optimistic 22,250]

Good morning all  Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list.

I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt  to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from

I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence?

Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required!

Btw Biffen  I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy

Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Edited June 12, 2016 by Bitter but optimistic

[beelzebub 23,383]

Gong ye a fat cow or whatever it is they say there Uncle Bitters ( not of Angostura lineage ? )

Just a heads up UB..... some bloke Il Nong of the North..just next door apparently , is after a new nation galvanising sporting focus. 

An opportunity there for you perhaps

[Biffen 12,947]

3 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Good morning all  Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list.

I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt  to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from

I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence?

Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required!

Btw Biffen  I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy

Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

I will be pleasantly surprised if you manage to travel without being incarcerated as an enemy of the state

(of humanity ).

[Earl Hood 6,103]

13 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Good morning all  Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list.

I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt  to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from

I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence?

Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required!

Btw Biffen  I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy

Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Uncle, 1000 Bitcons sent through to your account as requested. Spend them wisely. 

[bjDee 1,249]

14 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence?

FFS - you mean previous generations dynasties have been put though this same [censored] erudite stuff as well?

[dpositive 1,745]

On 6/12/2016 at 8:37 PM, Rusty Nails said:

D u may well be right. Although some of us may have already mutated after partaking too often in some of these alternatives and might now be immune! Also if you consume enough red (or white or anything with grapes as a base) I'm sure most of the nasty "thingies" would have trouble surviving the massive dose of sulphur dioxide that accompanies such delights! That stuff could kill a rhino depending on the dose

Ahh that explains my own immunity. I am pleased that a life time of indulgence has proven of some worth. My father always thought that wine drinking was a grandiose and wasted time when there was plenty of beer. He is still a very healthy and active 89 so could it just be the alcohol?

Will have to research this more fully in Sydney as a small group of supporters head north for the next encounter unfortunately thats as far as my limited budget will allow.

Was pleased to see the Earl has transferred bitcoins and now appreciate the name as the association with BbO ( I dont feel familiar enough to call him Uncle) who I recognised as one of the many on this thread with insight and judgement beyond my own flimsy and tawdry  ability.

I have travelled to the China  years ago and on an expedition to the Great Wall was advised by my guide that the wily Chinese were building a new wall for the Japanese visitors as the real wall was too far from Beijing and their tiny legs could not cope with the original warrior steps. It was an interesting tale which I treated with my usual disdain, however  I am wondering if there was some truth in that statement?

[H_T 3,049]

On 6/13/2016 at 8:58 AM, Bitter but optimistic said:

Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Good to see you're in stealth mode with the 'weeks growth' Bitters - you'll definitely blend in! ...the latest from CCTV captured from Beijing..:

{Picture captured courtesy of and thanks to surveillance work via Cafe Beijing via Redlegs Cruise - Crystal Serenity docked in San Fran via Redleg} ps. Good work Redleg.

 

[daisycutter 29,763]

omg

[Bluey's Dad 3,419]

Well, that was not what I expected when I opened this thread.

Lucky my boss wasn't walking past.

[H_T 3,049]

1 hour ago, Choke said:

Well, that was not what I expected when I opened this thread.

Lucky my boss wasn't walking past.

I know..I wasn't expecting a Suzuki either!

[daisycutter 29,763]

nice to see uncle bitters has lost a bit of weight and that his fungus looks cleared up. surprised he allowed himself to be photographed without makeup though.

[ManDee 7,226]

8 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

nice to see uncle bitters has lost a bit of weight and that his fungus looks cleared up. surprised he allowed himself to be photographed without makeup though.

 He did a great job getting his flag through homophobic Chinese customs.

[beelzebub 23,383]

Uncle Bitters' Hair transplants seem to have taken hold also.