Jump to content

  • Podcast: 2021 Season Review  

  • Podcast: 2021 Season Review  

What The List Managers Really Said



Recommended Posts

Adelaide’s List Manager:
“We were very keen to move up the draft to get North’s pick 1. Our offer was slightly better than the one recorded in the media. We basically offered three first rounders, Matt Crouch’s girlfriend, Rory Sloane’s 2nd child, Matthew Nicks’ secret stash of horse dewormer and a Taylor Walker signed KKK outfit. We were close to a deal with the Cats on Daniel Talia before the Cats withdrew due to realising that he was still in his 20’s. We are seriously looking into introducing a whole club mask mandate in order to ensure that there is something covering Tex Walker’s big mouth at all times.”

Brisbane’s List Manager:
“A lot has been said about Darcy Fort being a part of this trade period’s ‘ruck merry-go-round’. That is simply incorrect on account of Fort having no turning circle. Lachie Neale has thankfully recommitted to the football club after considering a move back to Fremantle, which we are all thrilled about. He is currently diving into his preseason program alongside Joe Daniher, who has been diving for quite some time.”

Carlton’s List Manager:
“We are excited to help bring Cerra close to his family because he will need their support and sympathy during his years at Carlton. We identified Cerra as a player of need to support Zac Williams who we brought in to support Setterfield who was brought in to support Matthew Kennedy who we brought into support Patrick Cripps. The fact that George Hewett got a 4 year deal raised some eyebrows. For us it was a no-brainer as we wanted him to have the opportunity to impress our next three senior coaches. We were the only club to our knowledge that made an offer for Hewett, ultimately meaning he had a decision to make between going to Carlton or nothing. We realise this was not an easy choice to make. ”

Collingwood’s List Manager:
“We were shocked to lose Lynch, who we earmarked as our number 1 ruck when Grundy’s contract expires in 2035. We are recommitting to Mason Cox who we spectacularly plucked from an overseas basketball court and we will be looking to do the same to Jordan DeGoey, who we recently plucked from the Supreme Court. Lipinski can play on the inside and outside as we saw from his time at the Dogs where he played both inside and outside their best 22. Lipinski had to decide between lucrative offers from Collingwood and Carlton, which I guess is a bit like deciding between a career as Mark Robinson’s copywriter and a cadetship at the Wuhan lab. We are hoping nobody bids early for Daicos as we face being in more debt than a contestant from Squid Game. We send a request to the general public for help. We are currently trying to release a highlights package of Kreuger for our website. We just can’t find anything. If you have any footage whatsoever, even if it’s grainy, please send it to the club. We will even accept clangers at this point. After issues with our salary cap this time last year, we can announce a new accountant, who this time, can actually add. We can also announce that 118% of our employees are double vaxxed.”

Essendon’s List Manager:
“We managed to get Jake Kelly from Adelaide who is a son of a gun but couldn’t extract Bobby Hill from the grasp of McCartney, who is a son of something else. There’s a lot of speculation that Dodoro doesn’t get on with McCartney. The truth is, nobody gets on with McCartney. The Bobby Hill result is a real shame, as he is already with elite speed and delivery into the forward 50 and was attracted to the prospect of joining the Bombers to become elite at frees against. We are not fussed with whether or not we land Ben King in 12 months time because we have 2 other key position forwards on the horizon, in the Davey twins.”

Fremantle’s List Manager:
“Whilst we were sad to give up Cerra, we were happy with what we got from Carlton. It was a win/win really. We get the chance to secure some top-end talent in the draft and Carlton got an excuse not to stuff up another top 10 selection. There was some talk about Jordan Clark angrily putting down the phone on Stephen Wells. This is not true. It was more a case of him being signed up to Optus. A move on Coniglio was thwarted by GWS and a move by Lobb to go to GWS was thwarted by his financial planner.”

Geelong’s List Manager:
“It was clear that Jordan Clark didn’t fit in our team structure when it became apparent that he was the only player on our list young enough to be eligible to get the Pfizer vaccine. Some were wondering why we opted for Stengle, who is only 21 years of age, but we found out that a history of drug dependence can age you up to nine years, so we think he fits perfectly in our age demographic. We are aware that Stengle is a bit of a risky pickup considering he has more drug strikes than Gary Rohan has possessions in a final. We have given Narkle one more year to try and fit into the dimensions of our team, whilst Zac Tuohy has given his moustache one more year to try and fit the dimensions of his face. Kreuger was sacrificed in order to create enough salary space to get David Mundy in next year. "

Gold Coast’s List Manager:
“We were so desperate to get rid of Brodie we offered up a pick 19 just so a team could take him. Next year we will look to do the same by offering two first rounders for a team to take Adkins. We acknowledge that a lot of our issues have come about from heavily back ending contracts to extremely average players. We have decided to change strategy and from now on, just like Stewart Dew’s t-shirts, we will be heavily front ending. Chol chose us after consulting with his former teammate, Sydney Stack, who advised him that a prolonged period of time in prison isn’t as bad as it sounds.”

GWS’s List Manager:
“We were caught completely off guard by Bobby Hill’s request to leave for Victoria. He left it very late by only giving us a few days warning, as opposed to Tanner Bruhn who gave us two years warning. We are cognisant that Hill has a child on the way but you have to understand that McCartney is a child right now. There was some conjecture that Finlayson was pushed out the door, when in fact it was a case of Toby Greene mistaking him for an umpire. We briefly considered making a play for Dumont as cover for Coniglio, as the type of player who can become captain without ever being in our best team."

Hawthorn’s List Manager:
“O’Brien realised he was on the nose when even the die-hard Hawks fans refused to vote for him for Mark of the Year. There was a lot of talk about us offering up all our best players. Please don’t believe everything you read. The actual truth is that we also offered all of our worst players too. Wingard was very adamant that he was not going to move anywhere, which resembles what he does on the field during clutch games. We have been receiving flak for offering to pay 400k for Ceglar to not play for us and a million for Clarkson to not coach for us but you have no idea how much we would pay for Jeff Kennett to not be our President."

Melbourne’s List Manager:
“Some were surprised that the best team in the competition would be interested in Luke Dunstan. Whilst it is true that he has poor endurance, is a plodder and criminally turns the ball over by both hand and foot, we still see him as one of St Kilda’s best players. We are happy to report that we are rearing to go for a shot at back-to-back flags with nobody on our injury list besides Steven May who had a 7cm tear in his hamstring and Jack Bowey who actually is 7cm.  

North Melbourne’s List Manager:
“We are so happy to bring in Callum Coleman-Jones, who we have very high hopes for. We realise that he has some things to work on such as improving his physicality in the contest, but we have already tailored a training program for him that would involve a form of ball work but instead substitute the ball with a kebab. That should fire him up! There were a few compelling offers for our number 1 pick but they completely fell over, a bit like Jaidyn Stephenson on his BMX bike.”

Port Adelaide’s List Manager:
“David Koch brought the whole club together and after two Prelim losses implored us to stop choking and instead take after him by chewing and swallowing. Finlayson is a player we have brought in as forward cover and we have also invested in a new tarp as rest of the ground cover. There was some interest in Powell-Pepper who sees himself as a midfielder and Rozee who sees himself in the mirror.”

Richmond’s List Manager:
“North were taken by surprise when we secretly approached Robbie Tarrant behind North’s back, but this wasn’t the first time we’ve done that sort of thing.  Just ask Mrs. Hardwick.”

St. Kilda’s List Manager:
“We decided to part ways with Luke Dunstan despite getting 11 Brownlow votes in order to invest more midfield time into Dan Hannebery who will arrive in the preseason in 11 pieces. We thank Jake Carlisle for his service, but we already have a group of youngsters who are eyeing his jumper number, whilst Brad Crouch is eyeing his leftover white powder. Xerri would have provided useful backup in the event a player with a surname beginning in U, V or W gets injured.”

Sydney’s List Manager:
“We were sad to lose Dawson who featured highly in our best and fairest, but we have a good enough list to cover for him. Already, we have plans to move Lloyd up from the last line of defence and move Rampe down from being perched on a goalpost. When looking at our future forward stocks we realised that players like Hayden McLean weren’t good enough to tie Buddy’s shoelaces, so we went and got Peter Ladhams who is too tall and uncoordinated to tie up his own shoelaces.”

West Coast’s List Manager:
“The arrival of SPS is great news for Witherden who is now promoted to the second laziest player on our list. Shannon Hurn and Josh Kennedy are weighing up offers to stay at the club or to sign up at local nursing homes. We can happily announce Gatorade as a new game day sponsor of Wille Rioli’s urine samples.”

Western Bulldogs’ List Manager:
“We cannot lie that we were hopeful for better compensation for Lipinski, who we saw as a required player. The folks at the Pies were able to drive a really hard bargain, which is fine because we have Lachie Hunter who is able to drive into parked cars. Unfortunately, we will be without Weightman for the early part of the preseason after he injured his ankle in an acting injury. This has not deterred him in his quest to perfect his acting craft and we expect him to be back hunched on the ground in no time. Due to a clerical error, it seems we have offered a 2-year extension to Jordan Sweet.”

  • Like 4
  • Thanks 1
  • Love 2
  • Haha 31
Link to comment
Share on other sites


This was too good to be published in one post.

Like AFL trade period it should have been systematically released over a week.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My fave is Geelong’s. Jordan Clark isn’t a good fit since he is young enough to be eligible for the Pfizer vaccine . 🤣

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Comedy gold, haven't laughed so much since reading what's going on at the Dorks. I thought the same as many, this has to be Titus. Now I have to go and research (Mrs Dw calls it stalking), the "Pevster".

 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Match Previews, Reports & Articles  

    THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2021 by Whispering Jack

    MUCH ADO ABOUT NOT MUCH The 2021 Free Agency and Trade Periods were billed by Fox Footy as promising a “period like no other and that certainly proved correct but not for the reasons that Network spin suggested when promoting its daily program of news from the trade desk. The truth is that the football public has endured an uneventful and forgettable fortnight unless you perhaps, happen to be a Carlton or a Hawthorn fan. The Blues managed to pick up the biggest name of the trade peri

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features

    THE APPRENTICE by Whispering Jack

    Melbourne Next Generation Academy prospect Mac Andrew has had a meteoric rise in the eyes of many track watchers who follow the fortunes of football talent at the elite level. So much so that under the AFL's new rules which prohibit clubs from matching bids on their NGA players within the first 20 selections, there’s a widely held perception that Andrew is falling out of the club’s grasp.   Despite being buoyed by the Demons’ drought-breaking premiership, some fans are showing their a

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features 3

    OUR GRAND OLD FLAG by George On The Outer

    When an AFL Grand Final approaches, supporters look for omens to help them foresee how their team will fare in the contest.   Melbourne supporters were, until just before Saturday’s opening bounce, the best in the business at looking for positives to give them hope and direction - a natural feeling after 57 years in the wilderness. So when the Bulldogs’ streamers kept slipping from the handle of the Premiership Cup as Glen Jackovich delivered it to Optus Stadium, they wondered whether it

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    THE ICING ON THE QUAKE by Whispering Jack

    It’s not Christmas yet but if the Melbourne wins its last game of the 2021 season, then many of its fans will be celebrating early. There already are some parts of our town where the pending festivity is preordained. Houses are decked out with red and blue banners and streamers, some of which appeared as early as last Saturday week, on the morning after the Demons’ magnificent 83-point crushing of Geelong in their preliminary final at Optus Stadium. While it’s great to see the numbers of lo

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    CAT SKINNING by George On The Outer

    When they defeated the Geelong Cats in the 2021 AFL Preliminary Final on Friday night in Perth, Melbourne proved that there is more than one way to skin those cats.  They did it in the ruck and in the middle, they did it in the forward line, they did it in defence and around the ground, but importantly, each and every player a Demon guernsey spent his night at Optus Stadium skinning an opponent. Following the after-the-siren win against Geelong in Round 23, there was an expectation of

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    THE POINTY END by The Oracle

    The AFL’s two oldest clubs, Melbourne and Geelong, face off on Friday evening in a sudden death Preliminary Final. It’s a game that promises plenty in terms of fascination and intrigue as a result of the rivalry that’s been building between the teams over recent encounters that have been tight struggles which have gone to the wire with two of them decided by after-the-siren goals. The added touch of mystery attached to this week’s meeting comes by virtue of the fact that it’s going to take

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    THE VFL YEAR THAT NEVER WAS by KC from Casey

    The rising case numbers and the continuing lockdowns in Victoria and NSW spelled doom for the 2021 VFL season which went through a slow, painful demise before its recent official cancellation. After weeks of indecision, the AFL decided to pull the plug on the season with the 10-0 Bulldogs recognised as minor premier, but without a premiership cup and without awarding the J.J. Liston Medal for the best and fairest VFL player. It was somewhat fortuitous for the integrity of the competition th

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Casey Articles

    TAMING THE LIONS by George On The Outer

    With nine finals debutants in the side, the Melbourne Football Club had a daunting assignment ahead of it in the First Qualifying Final — to overcome the competition’s highest scoring side, the Brisbane Lions. In the end, the Demons accomplished the task by putting the bite on their opponents on their way to taming the Lions and recording a 33 point win that propelled them into one the two Preliminary Finals of 2021.   It was one of those debutants, Luke Jackson, who put the bite in more

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    RETURN TO NEVERLAND by Whispering Jack

    The greatest Demon A HIGHWAY OF DEMONS by Whispering Jack CHAPTER SIXTEEN - RETURN TO NEVERLAND  I have a six year old grandson who recently took up the family tradition of following the Demons. He had his first taste of the game a few years ago when he went to the “G” with his parents to watch the 107-point massacre of Carlton and he went to another game in the following season which was also a W for the Dees. But his appetite for the club has grown exponentially this year and wh

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features 13

    METAMORPHOSIS by Whispering Jack

    I’ve always believed that when the home and away matches come to an end, the football season takes on a completely different shape and character. During the regular season, each team’s goals progress as the weeks pass and if you’re good enough to survive and make the grade, the situation changes. The comparison can be made with the life cycle of a butterfly going through stages from egg to larva to caterpillar, cocoon and in the end to a bright and colourful creature that emerges from darkness i

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    STEALING THE CATS’ CREAM by George On The Outer

    They were leading by 44 points well into the third quarter of a game to decide the minor premier, having kicked nine unanswered goals. The Cats were about to lap up their bowl of cream, dreaming of next week but the Demons led by Max Gawn had other ideas. In a stunning finish, they stole the game from under them to claim the plaudits as best team and top of ladder position. In a remarkable game, it all came down to Max having to kick the winning goal after the final siren, something which s

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    SKIN THE CATS by Whispering Jack

    The task ahead for the Demons as they wend their way down the Princes Freeway to Geelong on Saturday night will be to skin the Cats. For them to come away with the points from this game would mark an historic occasion for the club as it will finish on top of the ladder for the first time since its last premiership year, 1964. And it was in that year, that a trip to Corio Bay to meet the reigning premiers in Round 12, was one of the catalysts for Melbourne’s surge to the flag. It was a top o

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

  • Tell a friend

    Love Demonland? Tell a friend!
×
×
  • Create New...