I like a nice smooth ripe fig.

DC prefers dried out fruit.

Beyond ripe.

Each to his own.

s'pose apricots would be a non-starter for the ladies too

1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I like a nice smooth ripe fig.

More than a mouthful is a waste.

Would you be quite a regular golfer Biff? I am but I'm having trouble currently with L.O.F.T.  It's holding me back.

3 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I like a nice smooth ripe fig.

My vice is white peaches, but there are also figs, apricots, apples, oranges and mandarins in my highly un-Islamic garden. 

13 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well even I'm surprised that the first customer for my marriage counselling business would be Jesus!

Do I have to bring a wife with me or do you supply one?

I leave the county and the place goes to rack, ruin and ribald 

10 hours ago, Red and Bluebeard said:

My vice is white peaches, but there are also figs, apricots, apples, oranges and mandarins in my highly un-Islamic garden. 

very nice r&b

and having a mandarin in your garden would come in handy when you wanted to have a political debate with someone

The Shiek has obviously given butternut pumpkins the green light!

7 hours ago, daisycutter said:

very nice r&b

and having a mandarin in your garden would come in handy when you wanted to have a political debate with someone

True, but it can be a bugger when it comes to getting paperwork done -- so fussy about details... 

19 hours ago, Jesus Hoganshaw said:

Do I have to bring a wife with me or do you supply one?

Thank you for your enquiry Jesus. Either option is possible. Though Your favourite Uncle Bitter is now a confirmed do gooder I do have to make an honest living. If you want me to supply a "wife"  there will be an increase on my professional rates. However, if you are a bit cash strapped ATM and, if you don't mind a lot of tatts and few teeth, I can do a reasonable deal.

On 3 January 2016 at 6:39 PM, Biffen said:

I wonder how the mufti feels about pineapples.

Biff just checking can you send me the contact for the Mufti? I have several dozen  kilos of guava paste on my hands from my misadventures in Cuba that could be of use to the Mufti at a suitable price of course. Guava fruit in its normal state can be be regarded as [censored] like by the demented or religious orders so is banned in many countries but my guava paste is very agnostic! It would be good to set up a deal with direct payment so I can get out of this bolt hole I have here just outside of Cancun in Mexico. Gee without my local friend Shorty Guzman I would be stuffed. He is happy to organise the money transfers with yourself for the guava transfer but also can provide finance for some of your other activities if you desire! 

Have I ever led you astray (lately?)

 

The Earl

Edited January 4, 201610 yr by Earl Hood
Clarity

Your edit is noted Earl, but unsuccessful. 

5 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Thank you for your enquiry Jesus. Either option is possible. Though Your favourite Uncle Bitter is now a confirmed do gooder I do have to make an honest living. If you want me to supply a "wife"  there will be an increase on my professional rates. However, if you are a bit cash strapped ATM and, if you don't mind a lot of tatts and few teeth, I can do a reasonable deal.

Not the Blue Rinsers rate?

In Port Arthur looking for any tough prisoners who can pay footy. 

On 4/1/2016 at 1:01 AM, DemonFrog said:

Not the Blue Rinsers rate?

dc has the "bluerinser" franchise Fl  ogger! I'm not entirely without ethics!

40 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

dc has the "bluerinser" franchise Fl  ogger! I'm not entirely without ethics!

you might need to revise that, bitters, if you want to succeed in business (or theology for that matter)

thought a school teacher especially would know that

Edited January 5, 201610 yr by daisycutter

53 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

you might need to revise that, bitters, if you want to succeed in business (or theology for that matter)

thought a school teacher especially would know that

You're generalising dc. Biffen is entirely without ethics yet he has left a string of failed get rich quick schemes behind him. My information is that currently he is ripping off disabled people.

BTW. Comments on theology should be left for those with tertiary qualifications in that field.

Saw a dead ringer for Old Dee in Port Arthur. Obviously OD is descended from a long line of convicts. Next annual dinner I will watch my spring rolls very carefully. 

25 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Saw a dead ringer for Old Dee in Port Arthur. Obviously OD is descended from a long line of convicts. Next annual dinner I will watch my spring rolls very carefully. 

You are not far from the truth there Mr. Leg.

One set of my great grand parents were both transported to Van Diemens Land for no ncharge.

Actually quite proud of my hertiage ! 

1 hour ago, old dee said:

You are not far from the truth there Mr. Leg.

One set of my great grand parents were both transported to Van Diemens Land for no ncharge.

Actually quite proud of my hertiage ! 

Will definitely watch my spring rolls in future. 

23 hours ago, Redleg said:

In Port Arthur looking for any tough prisoners who can pay footy. 

Finding some who could play would be good too ... 

2 hours ago, Redleg said:

Saw a dead ringer for Old Dee in Port Arthur. Obviously OD is descended from a long line of convicts. Next annual dinner I will watch my spring rolls very carefully. 

I'd watch the knives a little more carefully 

Well things appear to be returning to normal on this thread. I noticed that the intellectual content declined during my (enforced) absence. Anyway i'm sure i'm a better man for it.

That brings back memories. The Christian Bros told I'd be a better man after they'd given me a jolly good flogging. Not sure about that. I wonder if the good Doctor was a former Christian Bro?

The marriage counselling business has been slow to take off but I'll be patient.

The lads are a bit jittery atm because they've heard that Biffen has been in the area. I've upgraded the locks on the barn so they feel better.

I'm relieved to hear OD is still with us and my dear friend Fl ogger has survived his toilets.