More and more Fev trouble

[Demon trucker 1,800]

excellent

has not signed with Casey yet, this could screw the deal hopefully

good one kick the man when he is down, I hope you are not happy about this, this is a none issue, I hope Casey ignores small minded people like yourself, fev has not acted up again, he is at the begging of a long road, I think there is more at stake, then a man playing footy, fev could end his life if Casey don’t ignore, the do goodies like yourself, play the man, don’t condemn him, he who has not sinned cast the first stone

[rpfc 28,045]

good one kick the man when he is down, I hope you are not happy about this, this is a none issue, I hope Casey ignores small minded people like yourself, fev has not acted up again, he is at the begging of a long road, I think there is more at stake, then a man playing footy, fev could end his life if Casey don’t ignore, the do goodies like yourself, play the man, don’t condemn him, he who has not sinned cast the first stone

Yeah, he is at the beginning of a long road.

But maybe Queensbridge St isn't the best place to start that journey...

[Demon trucker 1,800]

Vince do you have the same attitude about Nathan Carroll? Did he deserve another go after repeated incidences? There is a whole raft of players in the same situation. Ricky Nixon anyone?

Football clubs are employers trying to meet KPI's, not social welfare groups. I'm not being silly here but at some point employers and employees may just be too far apart. Where you draw the line in the sand is of course the issue and the other issue is "is it in Fev's best interest to continue to be propped up?".

I don't know but you could hardly say he's been deserted. He's had much more help than many.

carroll is totaly diffrent to fev,really fev did nothing wrong here, just a slight slip up,with his own problem, not a slip up vs the club

[Sir Why You Little 36,595]

I prefer the insights of those qualified and informed to make such statements. The pill does not stop his alcoholism.

http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/fevola-warned-pill-no-cure-20110309-1bo0f.html

"Disulfiram will help Fevola deal in the short-term with his alcohol issues but it may not be the long-term solution. ''It's really a matter of you weaning yourself off the reliance of alcohol. You are not actually curing the underlying position,'' Larkins said."

Yes i read that article and i certainly agree with it. You miss my point. These "Blocker" drugs when they are first ingested will absolutely clean you out of all chemical residue of alcohol and or narcotics. But yes after that initial 2-3 days continuous medication is needed and mentoring.

The idea that Fevola is going to California for a week with his brother in a couple of days is potential disaster, and is proof to me that he has no idea of what is ahead.

[Sir Why You Little 36,595]

I think it's too difficult to totally let go, the things you do in life,,, if there is nothing else. So, IMO, he has to do what he's doing without those big punts, whilst actively trying to create other interests/hobbies, pasttimes. when he has some fulfilling things to occupy his mind & time, then he should try to let go of all forme of gambling. But too cold turkey, without anything else in his life, in order, could be a bad recipe.

He needs to get into a couple of "groups", weekly. And find what 'community issues', stir his emotions, & try to get involved.

This boy Is worth it.

You are correct...with a lack of stimulation an ADD sufferer will go and find things to do...he needs mentors right now not free time.

[John Crow Batty 8,765]

I don't think he is anywhere near year zero yet as an indicator he's ready to rehabilitate. Going to LA could not be a worse choice at this stage. Perhaps the most fake, soulless and sleezy destination he could pick. While he's there he should get out and meet some of the unwashed street people found on most street corners. Because he will see a mirror image of his likely destiny.

[Satan 2,856]

i wonder if casey did "due diligence" on Fev?

[Red Sox 2]

I'm no expert on depression, gambling, alcoholism or ADD, but Fev obviously needs support and help, ongoing - he may get some of that through football, but it's what he also does in his spare time that matters. His life to me is more important and should be the main priority - rather than footy, it's in the balance having been turned upside down through much fault of his own. This trip he is going on to LA, he may think he needs it but it could be the worst thing for him.

I hope he finds his feet for his sake, his wife's sake, his kids sake...

It's his choice.

Well said HT. The only thing I could add is having a close hand knowledge of addiction, he seems to be reasoning with himself still.

This is a sign that his head is far far away from being clear.

That is not a bad thing, just unfortunate that the Herald Sun and media are there to see every little step, because this helps no one.

Be nice if he could go away somewhere other than the USA/LA, part of his reasoning would be behind this decision.

Everyone deserves to be happy and hopefully Fev can find this place.

[Sir Why You Little 36,595]

Well said HT. The only thing I could add is having a close hand knowledge of addiction, he seems to be reasoning with himself still.

This is a sign that his head is far far away from being clear.

That is not a bad thing, just unfortunate that the Herald Sun and media are there to see every little step, because this helps no one.

Be nice if he could go away somewhere other than the USA/LA, part of his reasoning would be behind this decision.

Everyone deserves to be happy and hopefully Fev can find this place.

So correct DH, a recovering addict needs to go and do completely different things. To go back to old haunts is just the wrong thing to do, but he has to learn that one. By the sound of it, he will do that the hard way.

I had dealings with addicts and the drugs he is prescribed in 2004, as a carer. 7 years later those same people are still managing things on a daily basis i assure you.

[dee-luded 2,959]

Vince at some point he has to take responsibility for his actions. When does that happen?

He's started to, but he's just starting to learn about these issues.

He's at the stage where he is starting to understand the meanings of the jargon. This is a life journey he's started, and he's in grade 1.

It's like an apprenticeship,,,, you learn as you go, on the job. And he can,,, do it.

[Sir Why You Little 36,595]

He's started to, but he's just starting to learn about these issues.

He's at the stage where he is starting to understand the meanings of the jargon. This is a life journey he's started, and he's in grade 1.

It's like an apprenticeship,,,, you learn as you go, on the job. And he can,,, do it.

You are right, but going to California (Vegas) next week means that so far he is failing grade 1 sadly....

[dee-luded 2,959]

You are correct...with a lack of stimulation an ADD sufferer will go and find things to do...he needs mentors right now not free time.

Yep, spot on.

It seems so many people who are off course have had communication issues since the early years. The bond and open, honest communication, about anything, between father & son, and Mother & son are crucial for the emotional stability of the child. If this doesn't happen then those who are more sensative among us will find it very difficult to manage.

Those who are aren't as sensative, will get by with little empathy for others & usually try to trip up others, who are struggling. These are the ones who throw the stones at those they don't understand. The very same ones, who'll climb on someones back, if they were adrift after a shipwreck.

They'll use verbal aggression & righteousness as a weapon.

[Sir Why You Little 36,595]

Yep, spot on.

It seems so many people who are off course have had communication issues since the early years. The bond and open, honest communication, about anything, between father & son, and Mother & son are crucial for the emotional stability of the child. If this doesn't happen then those who are more sensative among us will find it very difficult to manage.

Those who are aren't as sensative, will get by with little empathy for others & usually try to trip up others, who are struggling. These are the ones who throw the stones at those they don't understand. The very same ones, who'll climb on someones back, if they were adrift after a shipwreck.

They'll use verbal aggression & righteousness as a weapon.

This is the big problem if Fev goes to Casey, or any VFL side. Those players are not full time footballers-They will roll up to training at 5.30-6 each night.

What is Fev going to do all day...Wait for them?? Kick goals by himself all day??

What is he going to do to stay busy and fullfilled each day?

Since he was 17 all he has done is play football....it is a major concern in this whole situation.

Edited March 11, 2011 by why you little

[nutbean 8,838]

I want Fev to get all the help he needs and recover but "football is the no 1 on his road to recovery" doesn't address the question of duty of care.

Whilst there is argueably a duty of care from the club(s) that employed Fev to help him recover what about the duty of care to the other 43 players on the list. Listen to the Ox and his regrets on the influence he had on other players around him with his gambling problem.

Players train 5 days a week and a great part of their work AND social life revolves their team-mates.

Yes - I want to see a healthy Fev, addiction free. Being part of a football club is not a right - it is an earned privilege through onfield performance and behaviours on and off the field. No - I do not think any club (including Casey) should take him into their enviroment as there are other players besides Fev to consider.

[beelzebub 23,196]

Anyone heard 'boo' from the Scorps ? They seem remarkably quiet about their prized recruit.

[old dee 23,486]

Vince at some point he has to take responsibility for his actions. When does that happen?

Unfortunately with some addicts never!

I have personal experience with two people who have Alcohol Addiction

one has after 40 years accepted that he cannot drink and has been sober and a nice person for the last 4 years.

The other I think will die of the problem he seemingly will never except he cannot drink.

Stays sober for 6 months then has a drink and it starts all over again.

a large number of people around these people continue to help them but it wears you out over a long period.

But in the end it has to come from within the person.

Sad but true.

I fear Fev will not turn the corner with the obvious end.

[loges 6,767]

Question: Are Velocity Sports exhausting all avenues in regards to whats best for Fev or they just being expediant wanting to get a deal done, looking at dollars etc.? If so could be a worry down the track

[samd 0]

a relapse is a relapse. The fact that he thinks that gambling in poker tornaments is ok, after he lost thousands on the horses, means that he is in serious trouble, and needs both support and guidance. He is no where near the road to recovery yet.

[dee-luded 2,959]

This is the big problem if Fev goes to Casey, or any VFL side. Those players are not full time footballers-They will roll up to training at 5.30-6 each night.

What is Fev going to do all day...Wait for them?? Kick goals by himself all day??

What is he going to do to stay busy and fullfilled each day?

Since he was 17 all he has done is play football....it is a major concern in this whole situation.

If he goes to 'Group', twice a week, it will keep him focused as he builds momentum towards his personal changes. This is a person who wants to change, but I think doubts his own abilities to sustain the change. that Is Exactly where the twice a week group will help,,, AS Long a sit's a mature, honest well lead & motivated group.

The group leadership is all encompassing.

I see a fella who in his heart is a very nice person, desperately trying to be good, but feels the need to "perform" for people in order to get their acceptence.. Forward a decade & he's now 30, & the world has suddenly changed on him & his clown disguise is no longer fashionable, & he doesn't know how to charm his peers. You see the world 'Tide' has come in & become politically correct, & trapped that old time disguise out on that shaggy rock.

This guy needs the groups to say to him, 'stop trying to entertain people & be assured your a good enough person in your own heart',,, '& trust in that the people will see & admire that for what it is'. 'Plenty'.

He doesn't think he's worthy enough, so tries to act something else, something interesting. (see Snewman)

The thing with really sensitive people is they care so much, it's easy for them to be deeply hurt & scarred. And to self harm.

There are no winners in attacking & negative criticism. Only degradation.

Edited March 11, 2011 by dee-luded

[dee-luded 2,959]

I want Fev to get all the help he needs and recover but "football is the no 1 on his road to recovery" doesn't address the question of duty of care.

Whilst there is argueably a duty of care from the club(s) that employed Fev to help him recover what about the duty of care to the other 43 players on the list. Listen to the Ox and his regrets on the influence he had on other players around him with his gambling problem.

Players train 5 days a week and a great part of their work AND social life revolves their team-mates.

Yes - I want to see a healthy Fev, addiction free. Being part of a football club is not a right - it is an earned privilege through onfield performance and behaviours on and off the field. No - I do not think any club (including Casey) should take him into their enviroment as there are other players besides Fev to consider.

I think Ox's negative influences would have been, before he got help & took ownership.

I have no doubt that when he was on the road to recovery he would be an inspiration... The difference is that if the club/s thought he was having a bad influence they could act on it. He's not on the MFC list,,, nor is he contracted to us, but dealing with Casey,,,,, that's a manageable stuation. A footy club is a fish bowl. Everyone (players) know whats going on.

[dee-luded 2,959]

Unfortunately with some addicts never!

I have personal experience with two people who have Alcohol Addiction

one has after 40 years accepted that he cannot drink and has been sober and a nice person for the last 4 years.

The other I think will die of the problem he seemingly will never except he cannot drink.

Stays sober for 6 months then has a drink and it starts all over again.

a large number of people around these people continue to help them but it wears you out over a long period.

But in the end it has to come from within the person.

Sad but true.

I fear Fev will not turn the corner with the obvious end.

I have/had a mate, who I recently found, past away 6 Months ago. I went to visit his grave to say good bye.

We fell out, after I took him in & tried to help, and he cheated many times, smoking in the house & getting blind, to often. I found him unconscious face up on his bed, eyes wide open, one night, he was celebrating the new job I helped him get. The next day, I told him to go .

Now a few years later, he's gone, past.... After drinking too much and taking an assortment of prescription medications.

The GP told me he went on the wagon for a short time, this must have been the time he tried to make good. He went back to the old ways, (gave up) because he had No one who would accept him & understand him. Not his ex wife nor his girls. Nor his brothers.

His mother left the family of 4 baby brothers, when my friend was 15 months old, & his alcoholic Father & Uncles brought the family up in an alcoholic world. But brought them up they did. Good but flawed, & loving people.

He's now buried on top of his father.

[Guest Thomo]

If he goes to 'Group', twice a week, it will keep him focused as he builds momentum towards his personal changes. This is a person who wants to change, but I think doubts his own abilities to sustain the change. that Is Exactly where the twice a week group will help,,, AS Long a sit's a mature, honest well lead & motivated group.

The group leadership is all encompassing.

I see a fella who in his heart is a very nice person, desperately trying to be good, but feels the need to "perform" for people in order to get their acceptence.. Forward a decade & he's now 30, & the world has suddenly changed on him & his clown disguise is no longer fashionable, & he doesn't know how to charm his peers. You see the world 'Tide' has come in & become politically correct, & trapped that old time disguise out on that shaggy rock.

This guy needs the groups to say to him, 'stop trying to entertain people & be assured your a good enough person in your own heart',,, '& trust in that the people will see & admire that for what it is'. 'Plenty'.

He doesn't think he's worthy enough, so tries to act something else, something interesting. (see Snewman)

The thing with really sensitive people is they care so much, it's easy for them to be deeply hurt & scarred. And to self harm.

There are no winners in attacking & negative criticism. Only degradation.

Or he could just be a [censored]. I've known plenty in my time, not all have an agent to spin the sob story.

[Robbie57 2,001]

I'm no expert on depression, gambling, alcoholism or ADD, but Fev obviously needs support and help, ongoing - he may get some of that through football, but it's what he also does in his spare time that matters. His life to me is more important and should be the main priority - rather than footy, it's in the balance having been turned upside down through much fault of his own. This trip he is going on to LA, he may think he needs it but it could be the worst thing for him.

I hope he finds his feet for his sake, his wife's sake, his kids sake...

It's his choice.

HT spot on.

This is tragic.

For far too long he has behaved in a way that is simply unacceptable and many let him get away with it (where are they now?).

I hope he recovers from whatever is ailing him be it a medical condition or a state of mind.

He should be under care and supervision and given a lot of support especially beyond footy and a training field. He should not return to an enviroment in which his mental attitude or ailment could affect others at this time its clear he needs professional help and a longer rehabilitation (how could anyone believe such serious issues could be fixed in 60 days?).

A trip anywhere at the moment seems to me to be very unwise especially overseas.

His days should be filled with meaningful activities not a poker table.

I hope he finds some sort of fulfillment away from footy and the bright lights.

[jayceebee31 697]

Why is football the no.1 factor - which you immediately demote to the no.3 factor - but why is football the 'number three factor'?

I do not put this major issue in areas or factors. Like life itself everything is intergrated and interrelated.There is no doubt as many has said including Andrew Demetrio that football is a major factor to Fev's possible recovery(refer to http://www.afl.com.au/news/newsarticle/tabid/208/newsid/109155/default.aspx.) He has so much time on his hands and misses the structure needed to assist him. However no doubt he needs people such as the overall football community , his family and friends as support. Carlton dumped him, so has Brisbane for causes known. I think, and many including you don't think that I see him as being a possible asset for us. If indeed he did get back to playing football (Casey in the first instance and then possibly the MFC ) and succeeds ,we will get great kudos. I believe Jim Stynes, Don McLardy and the infrastructure at Reach could be a savings grace for him as a human being. He loves older people and young ones.This could even end up his vocation similar to The Ox after what he went through. I also believe the OX will make contact with him on his return from the States to offer assistance. And many other AFL personnel will do the same.So I do not rate factors in what I deem as critical to him at this time.Furthermore,I think it is an absolute disgrace,especially after 66 days in a clinic, to return to Melbourne without a minder is damning on his management and to a small degree the AFL knowing that they knew the seriousness of this man's state of mind. Lastly, we are dealing with a person whom has slashed his wrist. Whether it was geniune or a cry for help or attention, we will never know. However, all of us in the football community should not turn our back and say-Fevola you are a naughty boy, you have stuffed up your life - stiff.

Edited March 11, 2011 by jayceebee31

[jayceebee31 697]

I'm no expert on depression, gambling, alcoholism or ADD, but Fev obviously needs support and help, ongoing - he may get some of that through football, but it's what he also does in his spare time that matters. His life to me is more important and should be the main priority - rather than footy, it's in the balance having been turned upside down through much fault of his own. This trip he is going on to LA, he may think he needs it but it could be the worst thing for him.

I hope he finds his feet for his sake, his wife's sake, his kids sake...

It's his choice.

I'm no expert either.I concur with most you say however, it is my opinion that he may not be in the state of mind to be responsable for his own actions.Iwas also told today that Hutchy may go with him to L/A. to try to assist him.

Edited March 11, 2011 by jayceebee31