Chook

Not if the sum total of the opposition's entire small forward battalion is being rotated through him in an effort to systematically run him off his legs.

Also please throw in a prayer for the master to get the eff off twitter and go live a life not dominated by attention-whoring celebrities.

And while you're at it, throw in a prayer for the master to learn how to spell better.

It's pretty much a two man band right now. I think the rest of 'em have been told to go stare at a wall for the next six weeks until their contracts are up.

Fitzpatrick was terrible last week, but great this week. Toumpas was great last week but terrible this week. Demonland's Official Conclusion: Fitzpatrick is great but Toumpas sucks.

Kicked four great goals and generally carried on from where he left off two weeks ago (last week against Geelong in that re-enactment of 40,000 Leagues Under the Sea doesn't count). He was unbelievably lucky not to have picked up a total knee reconstruction out of this farce of a game tonight.

Irrelevant.

Nope. It sucked, but he is coming off a stress fracture to his foot that you blokes would quit the game over. He tries very hard, contributed to three or four of our goals and absolutely is a fantastic leader to his team-mates. Am I disappointed that he hasn't turned into Jimmy Bartel like we all though he would? Yes. But he's our captain, and a young kid trying to play good footy. If he's our captain you need to respect him. If you don't think he should be captain, then he's just a young kid and you need to cut him some slack. But because he's both young and a captain, you all seem to think he deserves neither the latitude we give young players, nor the reverence every captain of this footy club should be given.

Get off of Trengove's back you bunch of ungrateful keyboard warriors.

No way! He was literally a millimetre from suffering a knee-destroying injury. Let's not risk him on an ultimately pointless game.

Max Gawn might actually die before this game is over. And who can blame him? Lugging that much human-being around must be torture at the best of times.

You think that's scary? The last year we won a grand final was the year Goldfinger, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, and Dr Strangelove were released.

Toumpas not having a single possession is as much his coach and teammates' fault as it is his. Geelong's senior players get the young players into the game by giving them cheapies. Melbourne players do the opposite; they see you're having an off night and so they look away from where you are. Jack Watts had to deal with it in his first year, and now Jimmy Toumpas' development is being stunted in exactly the same way. It isn't good enough.

Because he's probably never played in tropical conditions before.

Maybe we should take some Senzu beans and get Goku to coach us then. P.S. I don't blame you if you don't get the reference.

The Boyd Backscratcher.

That would be nice, but he seems totally incapable of doing that at AFL level.

You say that like the people in charge of that decision aren't all dead now.

I think it's just policy. Asking for a priority pick during the season is like filling up your petrol tank while your car is in motion. It's theoretically possible, but it's probably better to wait until the vehicle has come to a complete stop before giving it a shot.

I know. It's a tragic sight, isn't it?

Cameron Ling would be interesting.

The thing that has kept me going is that I'm a Melbourne supporter, and so as long as the club exists I'll support it. That's what I do. And as for hope? I've long since cast that aside as a crutch for the weak.

Salary cap concessions should be the equalising measure, because it allows teams who are struggling to get players who know how to lead the club forward. The Suns are doing well now in large part because of Gary Ablett's on-field leadership, which they would never have been able to get without their salary bonus. The draft should always be run from 18th to 1st, and all other equalising measures should be salary cap concessions.

I think it's less our workrate and more our positioning. Mark Neeld's ultra-defensive game-plan required our players to take the defensive position at all times, which means we're almost always second to the ball. We then need to work way too hard to get the ball back all the time, and so when we have it we're too stuffed and out of position to do anything constructive with it.

Jack Viney IS Viney 2.0 What you're looking for is a Viney 3.0 and 4.0