The No T$ No B$ Thread

[special robert 438]

On 3/12/2017 at 6:52 PM, Biffen said:

Special Robert,

 If you gave more attention to your trade and less to the Moomba parade we would all be wealthier .Well I would most likely.Get back to work.Stop gallivanting and start cleaning windscreens .Know your limits!

Well......Squirrel reckons I should hang out for a better offer.

Squirrel, who used to be a history professor (before he had his nervous breakdown,) reckons the homeless were treated better in London in 1600 than we are here today. He reckons a bloke called sir Ambrose Nichols, even then,  accommodated poor and aged people in alms houses rent free. ....and that....'having each of them seven pence the week , and once a year each of them five sackes of charcoales, and one quarter of a hundreth of faggots, of his gift forever.'

This seems like an excellent deal and I could really use the charcoales............ but I'm not sure about the quarter of a hundreth of faggots.

[pineapple dee 2,892]

Well, people. This is the lucky numbered page of this thread for our Chinese friends ( no. 888 ).  We can expect a rash of posts from Chinese demonlanders who want their pearls of wisdom to appear here. Apropos of rashes and China, it reminds me of one I picked up in Hong Kong a few years ago...... but that's a story for another time.

[hemingway 7,615]

On 3/17/2017 at 9:44 PM, Bitter but optimistic said:

Invite to the Manor!!! FMD!! Ernie you dead bastard, you are even further down the invite list than picket. He's only brain dead.

"Dead bastard".  Well it comes to all of us Bitters, and given your proclivities, you will not have to queue.

I suspect that posterity will remember the name Hemingway, long after the name Bitter but optimistic.

Unless, you have a literary masterpiece that you are working on between floggings.   Perhaps you could get some tips from my old friend, Elliot Perlman. His latest novel, Seven Types of Ambiguity is a beauty. Perhaps your novel could be in braille and be called the Seven Types of Ambiguous Floggings.

Further down the invite list than Picket, well that's a relief. But don't worry, I realize that this is all just amusing imaginings as the reality of the Manor is very different, How is life in the new housing estate.

The Manor Estate ?  

 

[daisycutter 29,600]

1 minute ago, hemingway said:

"Dead bastard".  Well it comes to all of us Bitters, and given your proclivities, you will not have to queue.

I suspect that posterity will remember the name Hemingway, long after the name Bitter but optimistic.

Unless, you have a literary masterpiece that you are working on between floggings.   Perhaps you could get some tips from my old friend, Elliot Perlman. His latest novel, Seven Types of Ambiguity is a beauty. Perhaps your novel could be in braille and be called the Seven Types of Ambiguous Floggings.

Further down the invite list than Picket, well that's a relief. But don't worry, I realize that this is all just amusing imaginings as the reality of the Manor is very different, How is life in the new housing estate.

The Manor Estate ?  

 

doesn't demonland count as a publishing house, ernie. and isn't the internet here for eternity. things have changed you know old boy

[hemingway 7,615]

2 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

doesn't demonland count as a publishing house, ernie. and isn't the internet here for eternity. things have changed you know old boy

Thanks Daisy, always on the ball.

You are right, its been a long time and my spirit soul sometimes misses the things that my material body once experienced and enjoyed. 

[Redleg 40,815]

1 hour ago, pineapple dee said:

Well, people. This is the lucky numbered page of this thread for our Chinese friends ( no. 888 ).  We can expect a rash of posts from Chinese demonlanders who want their pearls of wisdom to appear here. Apropos of rashes and China, it reminds me of one I picked up in Hong Kong a few years ago...... but that's a story for another time.

Too much pineapple can cause a rash.

[daisycutter 29,600]

3 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Too much pineapple can cause a rash.

especially if taken concurrently with bananas

[Guest]

7 hours ago, special robert said:

yeah good one Colin........I was trying to shoplift some expensive runners the other day in David Jones and the attendant sussed me....so I sat down for a fitting. Then I'll be buggered if she doesn't start quizzing me about me politics....something about ...."are you super nation or pro nation'.......so I said..  no, one nation and cleared off.

 

[Earl Hood 6,082]

6 hours ago, special robert said:

Well......Squirrel reckons I should hang out for a better offer.

Squirrel, who used to be a history professor (before he had his nervous breakdown,) reckons the homeless were treated better in London in 1600 than we are here today. He reckons a bloke called sir Ambrose Nichols, even then,  accommodated poor and aged people in alms houses rent free. ....and that....'having each of them seven pence the week , and once a year each of them five sackes of charcoales, and one quarter of a hundreth of faggots, of his gift forever.'

This seems like an excellent deal and I could really use the charcoales............ but I'm not sure about the quarter of a hundreth of faggots.

Squirrel isn't an Egyptologist is he, Special? Professor William McElroy perhaps. Don't hit him on the head as he seems fairly harmless at the moment but he can change. 

[daisycutter 29,600]

2 minutes ago, Earl Hood said:

Squirrel isn't an Egyptologist is he, Special? Professor William McElroy perhaps. Don't hit him on the head as he seems fairly harmless at the moment but he can change. 

don't think the egyptians had alm houses and pence, earl, but i may be wrong. they did have charcoales and faggots though

[Demon trucker 1,800]

Did Hemingway off himself said the world was too farked to live in

[Biffen 12,940]

Looking forward to hearing the words "inundated"and "deluge" in the news. Been too long.

 

[Moonshadow 17,675]

30 minutes ago, Biffen said:

Looking forward to hearing the words "inundated"and "deluge" in the news. Been too long.

 

Or when they are said quickly, "delegated"?

[Redleg 40,815]

And it starts tomorrow.

[The Great Pretender 463]

11 hours ago, Redleg said:

And it starts tomorrow.

What?

[Biffen 12,940]

14 minutes ago, The Great Pretender said:

What?

Lent.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,218]

On ‎3‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 4:24 PM, hemingway said:

"Dead bastard".  Well it comes to all of us Bitters, and given your proclivities, you will not have to queue.

I suspect that posterity will remember the name Hemingway, long after the name Bitter but optimistic.

Unless, you have a literary masterpiece that you are working on between floggings.   Perhaps you could get some tips from my old friend, Elliot Perlman. His latest novel, Seven Types of Ambiguity is a beauty. Perhaps your novel could be in braille and be called the Seven Types of Ambiguous Floggings.

Further down the invite list than Picket, well that's a relief. But don't worry, I realize that this is all just amusing imaginings as the reality of the Manor is very different, How is life in the new housing estate.

The Manor Estate ?  

 

I'm just back from the city of churches (and feeling sanctified) only to suffer another scathing attack from a corpse. A lot of bragging from a bloke who only wrote fishing guides.

I'll have you know Ernie that I'm working on a magnum opus of profound importance. It will be an expose on the seedy underbelly of Romsey.

The local paper is already pestering me for publishing rights.

So there!

[daisycutter 29,600]

32 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I'm just back from the city of churches (and feeling sanctified) only to suffer another scathing attack from a corpse. A lot of bragging from a bloke who only wrote fishing guides.

I'll have you know Ernie that I'm working on a magnum opus of profound importance. It will be an expose on the seedy underbelly of Romsey.

The local paper is already pestering me for publishing rights.

So there!

i like it uncle - "50 shades of romsey"

...as the yellow orb begins to disappear in the west and another day ends in the shady hamlet of romsey, the forest creatures scurry away to the safety of their nocturnal hideaways as the natives begin to stir for another cycle of unspeakable and endemic debauchery that has become the hallmark of this damned village.......

[Bitter but optimistic 22,218]

21 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

i like it uncle - "50 shades of romsey"

...as the yellow orb begins to disappear in the west and another day ends in the shady hamlet of romsey, the forest creatures scurry away to the safety of their nocturnal hideaways as the natives begin to stir for another cycle of unspeakable and endemic debauchery that has become the hallmark of this damned village.......

Bloody hell dc!! That excerpt was supposed to confidential!!

Still, to paraphrase the great man, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hmm.. I wonder what the film rights could be worth?

I could even get a part! Flogging myself .... perhaps.

[daisycutter 29,600]

38 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Bloody hell dc!! That excerpt was supposed to confidential!!

Still, to paraphrase the great man, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hmm.. I wonder what the film rights could be worth?

I could even get a part! Flogging myself .... perhaps.

might even be a job somewhere there for special robert, eh, uncle?

[hemingway 7,615]

4 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I'm just back from the city of churches (and feeling sanctified) only to suffer another scathing attack from a corpse. A lot of bragging from a bloke who only wrote fishing guides.

I'll have you know Ernie that I'm working on a magnum opus of profound importance. It will be an expose on the seedy underbelly of Romsey.

The local paper is already pestering me for publishing rights.

So there!

High art Uncle, I can't wait to read the proofs. 

Booker Prize coming up or Nobel Prize for literature?

[daisycutter 29,600]

3 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Bloody hell dc!! That excerpt was supposed to confidential!!

Still, to paraphrase the great man, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hmm.. I wonder what the film rights could be worth?

I could even get a part! Flogging myself .... perhaps.

who will you be dedicating your grand tome to, uncle?

[Whispering_Jack 29,763]

Was anyone watching the carnage in Adelaide? 

[Moonshadow 17,675]

29 minutes ago, Whispering_Jack said:

Was anyone watching the carnage in Adelaide? 

You mean when Uncle Bitter was there last week? I'm sure their hotels will take many years to recover.

[dieter 3,325]

On 3/25/2017 at 10:34 AM, Bitter but optimistic said:

Bloody hell dc!! That excerpt was supposed to confidential!!

Still, to paraphrase the great man, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hmm.. I wonder what the film rights could be worth?

I could even get a part! Flogging myself .... perhaps.

That's onanism, as you well know, a sin. You have had a very sad upbringing. Perhaps it is a pity you weren't stolen, which is not a German Christmas cake.