In the majority of sports I follow, I find it difficult to choose my favourite commentator.

Various characters are masters of subtlety, colour, variance of tone and atmosphere creators.

When it comes to AFL commercial commentators, it is a battle to select the worst performers as there is slim-no point in scraping for a favourite.

The fox line-up of Ricciuto, Russell and Healy is akin to rubbing sandpaper over your open eyes whilst getting kicked in the guts by an ex-wife singing Celine Dion off key.

Ten's shambolic, sycophantic concoction of B-graders in Richardson and Darcy are worse than 8 hours of dorothy-dixers delivered by Pauly Shore. Their sucking up to that hyperbolic, moustached mug is painstaking - and don't even get me started on his hyperbolic ramblings.

There is the crux of my problem with AFL commentary. Each of them describe what is painfully obvious to witness with your own eyes and their dull skills are only exemplified when you have to put up with them in any pub foolish enough to turn the footy up. The hyperbole that they espouse truly ruins my enjoyment of any spectacle.

Adelaide v Port Adelaide's commentary has produced numerous examples of this and it's only in its infancy!

Russell's description of a 48 metre pass inside 50 as a "monumental entry" finally blew my gasket.

I invite you to use this thread as a sounding board - punching bag - for the relieving of tension generated from listening to these "professionals."

First entry:

"The fast break is on. There's no one down field to kick to so he'll need to U-turn and wait for support" - G. Healy

BT was pretty comical the other night calling Warnock's shanked kick from straight in front: "He's kicked it with the bone on the outside of the ankle... (pause 5 seconds )... the ankle bone."

Can't stand the way he pronounces Vlaustin as Vlaustone. Not only incorrect, but he does that silly emphasis on the second syllable, as he used to do with Monfries.

And the other morons commentating alongside him just copied him, Darcy in particular flicked between the correct and incorrect pronunciations!

For the most part, our so-called commentators (most of whom now are just ex-footballers) are not a patch on their counterparts who call football in Europe

By the way, there are pages and pages of gems from the round ball game here:

http://www.footballsite.co.uk/Statistics/Articles/Colemanballs01.htm

It's not 'Rocket Science' guys.

1. Turn on telly

2. Mute it.

3. Turn on favourite radio broadcasters

Personally I hate the 'bogan boy broadcasters club' too. I guess it's a side effect of them working at the same radio station together or something like that and carrying their low quality, low brow, self absorbed style over to the TV. IMO They don't use their football knowledge to add anything to the 'game' even though they were all significant players in it in their era. This is my greatest let down because most bogans could do a better job of feeding off each others commentary and make it entertaining and amusing than them.

Go Dees

Ian Robertson was the last commentator i called elite.

The one who really grates on my brain is Anthony Hudson who just shouts everything.

Told him just that at my local bakery last year.

Little twirp.

My all time favourite is from the Pot Black programme:

"Steve is going for the pink ball - and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

No idea who the commentator was.

My all time favourite is from the Pot Black programme

"Steve is going for the pink ball - and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

Whispering Ted. A relative?

Whispering Ted. A relative?

Uncle Ted and he was colourblind

Adelaide kick a goal to draw within 12 points... "you can sense Adelaide know they're in this!" - Dwayne Russell

Uncle Ted and he was colourblind

superb commentator i agree. Learnt to play snooker from that show.

In B & W.

I know it's not commentary, but the headline from this gem of an article in the Herald Sun:

"Dogs skipper Griffen ready to lead."

Well, you'd bloody hope so considering he has been made captain.

Norman Banks - bring him back.

Adelaide kick a goal to draw within 12 points... "you can sense Adelaide know they're in this!" - Dwayne Russell

..and Port kick another goal to put them 30 points up, "the biggest lead of the game"....and kick another one, "the biggest lead of the game". Thanks Dwayne.

I'm also a bit worried about Hawthorn's generic football too Bruce.

...as for Taylor, it would be nice if he called the right players for a start. Needs to go back to basics that boy...

"And we have a game" Dwayne Russell as Melbourne kick a goal to lead Richmond mid way through the last quarter. What a condescending [censored].

BT, talking about Jetta: "He has real dynacism."

Look forward to that being added to the Oxford Dictionary in the coming days.

Ian Robertson was the last commentator i called elite.

I liked Robbo too, but Tim Lane has always been a favourite (on radio, not TV).

Used to really enjoy listening to the combo of Lane, Peter 'Smooth' Booth and Graham 'Smokey' Dawson on the ABC

Geoff Leek had such authority!!

Jack Dyer ....."he's got arms like testicles"

I can't stand Dwayne Russell. Turn the volume off if he is commentating. Saw him and Gerard at the airport this morning. I seriously wanted to tell him how much I dislike the rubbish that comes out of his mouth.

And Ian Clelland, Doug Heywood

I don't mind most of the commentators, and over the years have like channel 10's coverage and commentators.

Really like Anthony Hudson.

Loved Mike Williamson.

Loved Sandy Roberts - he was probably the best.

Bruce and Dennis are ok.

Still like Tim Lane and Drew Morphett on ABC - a bit starchy sometimes but at least it is free from trite carp (most of the time).

Dwayne Russel easily the worst ever. I don't know one person who likes his calling.

Dermot Brereton can be the most insightful and the biggest [censored] in the same sentence.

Jack Dyer early in the 76 or 78 Grand Final

"Scores are level either side can win this!"

I like the intent of this thread but game commentary gems generally pass quickly. Although Jack Dyer did give some memorable comments to future generations. It is not so much game commentary that concerns me as so called analysis. This is where the real [censored] raise their heads. And in this , I have to acknowledge the master [censored].

Robbo sweeps all before him in this competition. He brutalises the English language, he has limited practical football knowledge and he is a suckhole.

This fool, thankfully, does not commentate on games - yet he perfectfully exemplifies media stupidity

" The nights over for Buddy - He's been put on ice."

Sandy Roberts: "there's a pig at full forward".

Lou Richards: "he's kicked that really high...up near the sky".

Cometti: he gets that out quickly, surely a case of premature extraction"

How does Dwayne Russell have a commentary job?

He must surely have family or close friends hiring him, no way any normal person would hire him