The No T$ No B$ Thread

[Bitter but optimistic 22,241]

Tha fair hamlet of Romsey and our boutique supermarket is being invaded by Scumbury people. 
I am organising a militia to to put a stop to this outrage

[Moonshadow 17,676]

32 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Tha fair hamlet of Romsey and our boutique supermarket is being invaded by Scumbury people. 
I am organising a militia to to put a stop to this outrage

They panic buying your retail stock of shiraz, Uncle?

[hemingway 7,627]

23 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Tha fair hamlet of Romsey and our boutique supermarket is being invaded by Scumbury people. 
I am organising a militia to to put a stop to this outrage

You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

.My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

[Moonshadow 17,676]

[Bitter but optimistic 22,241]

2 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

They panic buying your retail stock of shiraz, Uncle?

It’s an amazing thing Moonie!!

Shiraz is still in plentiful supply. Why the elixir of life is being ignored astounds me!

2 hours ago, hemingway said:

You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

.My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

Wonderful and practical advice Ernie

I shall brew up your mixture immediately and apply to my tinea 

[Moonshadow 17,676]

1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

It’s an amazing thing Moonie!!

Shiraz is still in plentiful supply. Why the elixir of life is being ignored astounds me!

Agree.

I'm washing my arrse with stubbies of beer due to lack of toilet paper. Such are the ironies of life!

[Tarax Club 3,918]

2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

To arrest the purported vertical exponential leap in those afflicted neither gloves or masks are currently recommended by health 'experts'  Apparently the bug is carried by gloves and masks should be reserved for use by medical professionals.

 

2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards

Yes with panic buying and shortages of popular consumer items, thrifty alternatives are always welcome. Although the advice recently offered, (in order to forestall the contagion) by an Iranian cleric. To apply oil of pansy flowers (in polite society) to an unmentionable part of the anatomy, nightly, does not give one exactly a 'ring' of confidence. Happily bananas still appear to be abundantly available.

Those sections quoted of course originate with Hemingway.

Edited March 17, 2020 by Tarax Club

[daisycutter 29,616]

it's currently easier and cheaper to stock up on underpants rather than bog rolls

and remember normal>reverse>inside out>reverse and you've got 4 days covered

easy peasy

[daisycutter 29,616]

and if desperate take some amoxil (don't overdo it) to constipate yourself

it's the little things that count

[hemingway 7,627]

1 hour ago, daisycutter said:

it's currently easier and cheaper to stock up on underpants rather than bog rolls

and remember normal>reverse>inside out>reverse and you've got 4 days covered

easy peasy

I am not sure what the fuss is about.

Ever since my pilgrimage trips to India and watching the Indians undertake their ablutions by the Yamuna and Ganga, I have followed suit.

If you look at the anatomy of the body and the geometry of the squat position, it is a piece of cake. As clean and clinical as a surgeons knife! 

Very hygienic and satisfactory on all counts. 

As long as your Princess is not watching.!

Edited March 17, 2020 by hemingway

[daisycutter 29,616]

2 minutes ago, hemingway said:

I am not sure what the fuss is about.

Ever since my pilgrimage trips to India and watching the Indians undertake their ablutions by the Yamuna and Ganga, I have followed suit.

If you look at the anatomy of the body and the geometry of the squat position, it is a piece of cake. As clean and clinical as a surgeons knife! 

Very hygienic and satisfactory on all counts. 

As long as your Princess is not watching.!

have you been growing your left index fingernail too, ernie. makes a wonderful scraper (especially after a hot curry vindaloo)

[hemingway 7,627]

4 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

have you been growing your left index fingernail too, ernie. makes a wonderful scraper (especially after a hot curry vindaloo)

Daisy as long as you have the squat technique perfect (where you position both feet is critical) and have a hose, jug of water or creek water you dint need to worry about your hand or finger nails. 

All the same, in my travels across the plains of India I never shook hands or took food from a one armed Indian. 

[daisycutter 29,616]

9 minutes ago, hemingway said:

Daisy as long as you have the squat technique perfect (where you position both feet is critical) and have a hose, jug of water or creek water you dint need to worry about your hand or finger nails. 

All the same, in my travels across the plains of India I never shook hands or took food from a one armed Indian. 

and never pickup a discarded banana leaf

[Bitter but optimistic 22,241]

Thanks to the corona virus we are having a very intellectually challenging conversation 

Clouds and silver linings ........

[Earl Hood 6,086]

9 hours ago, hemingway said:

You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

.My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

I think I will just make up some hip flasks of this concoction, potentially a great dual use here. My synopsis is that I can have a swig and then spray my hands. If I am perpetually [censored] I don’t believe the virus can get a look in. Constructive comments are welcome. 

[hemingway 7,627]

31 minutes ago, Earl Hood said:

I think I will just make up some hip flasks of this concoction, potentially a great dual use here. My synopsis is that I can have a swig and then spray my hands. If I am perpetually [censored] I don’t believe the virus can get a look in. Constructive comments are welcome. 

Earl, when you start marketing this world-wide you can reduce the cost of production by diluting the solution to 50/50. This will reduce the cost but there will still be enough alcohol to kill the germs as long as you are using 60 per cent proof. One of the benefits is that you can market different flavours. Lemon, orange, passion fruit or go for the herbal top ups such as sage, mint etc. 

[Moonshadow 17,676]

[Moonshadow 17,676]

If we have lock down I'm worried the Jehovah Witnesses will know I'm home

[Bitter but optimistic 22,241]

42 minutes ago, Moonshadow said:

If we have lock down I'm worried the Jehovah Witnesses will know I'm home

Perhaps they could assist you in becoming a more moral and upright person Moonie!

[Moonshadow 17,676]

[Redleg 40,946]

On 3/17/2020 at 7:12 PM, Bitter but optimistic said:

Thanks to the corona virus we are having a very intellectually challenging conversation 

Clouds and silver linings ........

Make it easy on yourself,  by conversing in monosyllabic utterances.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,241]

4 hours ago, Redleg said:

Make it easy on yourself,  by conversing in monosyllabic utterances.

Huh?

[Moonshadow 17,676]

[Redleg 40,946]

11 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Huh?

See how easy it is.

[Moonshadow 17,676]