The No T$ No B$ Thread

[daisycutter 29,605]

47 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour  of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

uncle, were those your lads in the aami alpaca ad who managed to scare the sheila into disrobing? the occupants of the car seemed to be earl and conchita but i'm not sure.

 

Edited July 19, 2016 by daisycutter

[picket fence 17,070]

44 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour  of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

Dear Uncle, I notice that Basil Rathbone features as a Favourite! Would you like to comment on the esoteric and after hours activities of Prince Albert V around the turn of the Century, given you are a Historian of Note?!!

( I know what you are thinking, Fence out of left Field)!

Edited July 19, 2016 by picket fence

[beelzebub 23,313]

hey DC  might be a good time to clean out your message box

[John Crow Batty 8,862]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man 

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

[Bitter but optimistic 22,220]

22 hours ago, picket fence said:

Dear Uncle, I notice that Basil Rathbone features as a Favourite! Would you like to comment on the esoteric and after hours activities of Prince Albert V around the turn of the Century, given you are a Historian of Note?!!

( I know what you are thinking, Fence out of left Field)!

arhh picket ! Like all lunatics you sometimes hit the mark! I must say I have no particular interest in Prince Albert. However, I'll admit there is much speculation about his nocturnal activities.

As to Basil - my interest in him stems from his wonderful portrayal of the great detective. The films were largely inaccurate but Rathbone fit the Sherlock character better than any other.

In fact I have quite a collection of Basil Rathbone memorabilia!

Now here's a dark secret just for you picket. One of my many fantasies was to be a rich factory/sweathouse owner in the Victorian era. 

Make of that what you will!! 

[daisycutter 29,605]

1 hour ago, beelzebub said:

hey DC  might be a good time to clean out your message box

roger, just did

[Bitter but optimistic 22,220]

15 minutes ago, america de cali said:

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man 

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Now then adc, I'm going to insist that you present yourself to Stuie for a spanking!!

Your "humour" is unwelcome on this intellectual thread as it is clearly degrading to the fair sex. I'm sure righteous posters such as ..... dc ... well perhaps not dc . Maybe Biffen ... (no he runs a brothel) ...

Well anyway it will offend someone.

In any event singling out ostriches in a derogatory comparison to the fair sex is also patently unfair. The Society for the Protection of Ostriches will be after you.

Actually I believe our Green voter maybe offended. Sort it out with him!

 

[beelzebub 23,313]

19 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Now then adc, I'm going to insist that you present yourself to Stuie for a spanking!!

Your "humour" is unwelcome on this intellectual thread as it is clearly degrading to the fair sex. I'm sure righteous posters such as ..... dc ... well perhaps not dc . Maybe Biffen ... (no he runs a brothel) ...

Well anyway it will offend someone.

In any event singling out ostriches in a derogatory comparison to the fair sex is also patently unfair. The Society for the Protection of Ostriches will be after you.

Actually I believe our Green voter maybe offended. Sort it out with him!

 

sigh...you protest too much mon  ami. He's at least trying,..Others are just.....trying.... cut him slack I pray of you ...no ?

[Biffen 12,940]

America de Cali's joke seems to have evoked the Bitter one into a state of intellectual revolt.

His 19thC Textile factory wistfulness plays out in his every day life you see.

He will not be told how many children to make a bale of yarn or a yard of cotton .He knows exactly the Haberdashing Industries  and associated perks as well as  a good Horse trainer knows how to Rodger sense into a dull stable hand.

Edited July 20, 2016 by Biffen

[beelzebub 23,313]

what he said..^^^^^^.......( no idea...but  rah rah )

[Biffen 12,940]

2 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

what he said..^^^^^^.......( no idea...but  rah rah )

Well since its a slow night BB .

How about we tell some jokes.

A man walks into a bar ,which could happen to anyone ,just seems to happen to Greens voters quite a bit more often.Usually in a public park.

[beelzebub 23,313]

Just now, Biffen said:

Well since its a slow night BB .

How about we tell some jokes.

A man walks into a bar ,which could happen to anyone ,just seems to happen to Greens voters quite a bit more often.Usually in a public park.

well for starters if the Greens .."A Person ( of no particular persuasion ) ambles along. unfortunately unknown to this person was an unfinished, unsigned and unbarricaded  obstacle , as obviously , without needing announcement , left behind because of ambivalent social doctrines.

Interesting is it not that Green is used for  'back screens' because it actually represent NOTHING on the spectrum

 

Now in other gnus    a man thinks...therefore he is........set upon.   film @ 11

[Moonshadow 17,675]

A young guy, lets call him Biffo, was hired for the construction site, and the foreman thought he'd better keep an eye on him, he didn't look all that bright.

As the morning's work went on, he noticed that about half the time, when the fellow took a nail out of his pouch, he'd throw it on the ground with a frustrated look.

Interested, the foreman picked up a few of the nails the guy had thrown away...they were fine, nothing wrong with them. So he said, "Why are you throwing away half of your nails?" And the young guy said, "The heads are on the wrong end!"

The foreman said, "You idiot, just save them for the other side of the house!"

[Biffen 12,940]

Why did the the fish get kicked out school?

[picket fence 17,070]

1 A peanut walks into a bar and gets Assaulted!!

2 Why did Snoop Dog carry a Raincoat??

Fo Drizzle! ( In correct RAP honky jive talk accent!)

Edited July 21, 2016 by picket fence

[Earl Hood 6,082]

It has been a sad week with the passing of Lady Susan Renouf, the doyen of Melbourne Society. Of course I attended the farewell with the rest of the who is who of Melbourne society. It was great to catch up with my old University chums Andy Peacock, Bluey Walker, Bobby Doyle and Micky Kroger. And the cream of Melbourne's matrons were there of course to pay their respects

It was a marvellous farewell at Saint Andrews Church in Brighton and later on at the reception, well at least until the congenial atmosphere was somewhat sullied by the appearance of an unlikely character who I observed scoffing the canapés, sculling the bubbly and touching up some of the matrons, one of whom shrieked "what are you doing here DC?" 

 

 

[daisycutter 29,605]

8 minutes ago, Earl Hood said:

It has been a sad week with the passing of Lady Susan Renouf, the doyen of Melbourne Society. Of course I attended the farewell with the rest of the who is who of Melbourne society. It was great to catch up with my old University chums Andy Peacock, Bluey Walker, Bobby Doyle and Micky Kroger. And the cream of Melbourne's matrons were there of course to pay their respects

It was a marvellous farewell at Saint Andrews Church in Brighton and later on at the reception, well at least until the congenial atmosphere was somewhat sullied by the appearance of an unlikely character who I observed scoffing the canapés, sculling the bubbly and touching up some of the matrons, one of whom shrieked "what are you doing here DC?" 

 

come to think of it, i did notice a shady character hanging around the fringes with a fake cuban accent chatting up some society nob trying to sell him a guava paste franchise. The poorly fitted rug had me fooled at the time. and i must say i far preferred the canapes at the mont albert ladies tennis club.

Edited July 22, 2016 by daisycutter

[Redleg 40,856]

Oh the shame.

Today I chose a vanilla milkshake over a banana smoothie.

I am racked with guilt.

[Moonshadow 17,675]

18 minutes ago, Earl Hood said:

It has been a sad week with the passing of Lady Susan Renouf, the doyen of Melbourne Society. Of course I attended the farewell with the rest of the who is who of Melbourne society. It was great to catch up with my old University chums Andy Peacock, Bluey Walker, Bobby Doyle and Micky Kroger. And the cream of Melbourne's matrons were there of course to pay their respects

It was a marvellous farewell at Saint Andrews Church in Brighton and later on at the reception, well at least until the congenial atmosphere was somewhat sullied by the appearance of an unlikely character who I observed scoffing the canapés, sculling the bubbly and touching up some of the matrons, one of whom shrieked "what are you doing here DC?" 

 

 

Ah yes, dc and society ladies. As the say, love is like frying bacon naked, you know it's going to hurt, but you don't know where or when.

[old dee 23,782]

2 hours ago, Redleg said:

Oh the shame.

Today I chose a vanilla milkshake over a banana smoothie.

I am racked with guilt.

And so you should be!

This is the first step to a Hawks membership.

Oh the shame.

[beelzebub 23,313]

11 hours ago, Redleg said:

Oh the shame.

Today I chose a vanilla milkshake over a banana smoothie.

I am racked with guilt.

And still had the audacity to tell us ( and drink it ) 

Do you seek penance ? I'm sure BBO can provide 

[Redleg 40,856]

1 hour ago, beelzebub said:

And still had the audacity to tell us ( and drink it ) 

Do you seek penance ? I'm sure BBO can provide 

I don't want to have to spend time with BBO and his loose lifestyle. Then I will be totally led astray. I could end up drinking shots for breakfast and sleeping in a bed with 3 others.

[Biffen 12,940]

hawthorn property prices rise 47% year on year.

They win every flag.

They must be stopped.

The area must be levelled.

Now I've discovered Clarko leads singalongs with the acoustic.

Why me ?

Why hast thou forsaken me?

There is no god.

 

[Redleg 40,856]

3 minutes ago, Biffen said:

hawthorn property prices rise 47% year on year.

They win every flag.

They must be stopped.

The area must be levelled.

Now I've discovered Clarko leads singalongs with the acoustic.

Why me ?

Why hast thou forsaken me?

There is no god.

 

Give BBO a ring, he can help you. He has had years of counselling and could pass on many good tips.

[old dee 23,782]

35 minutes ago, Biffen said:

hawthorn property prices rise 47% year on year.

They win every flag.

They must be stopped.

The area must be levelled.

Now I've discovered Clarko leads singalongs with the acoustic.

Why me ?

Why hast thou forsaken me?

There is no god.

 

You have just discovered this Biff?