21 minutes ago, picket fence said:

At Beachport S.A and at the Caravan park in the toilets are signs warning of incressed Slithera activity I think this means outside and in YIKES 🐍

I feel like you're channeling Sir Les Patterson.

16 hours ago, picket fence said:

New half time activity Can you run as fast as PICKET FENCE With a Slithera in Pursuit ( Pick Slithera costume) 

Or maybe a wheelchair version

Can you run as fast as Bailey Fritsch with a defensive second effort.

Too much?

18 hours ago, Ghostwriter said:

See You Next Tuesday 😁

But I get to pick the music that opens our show, k? I don’t know what it will be but what I do know is that it’ll be better than the song that opens the Demonland podcast coz no song is as bad as that one. 

Yeah ok, but not back till round 3 lets put something together and swing it to the movers and shakers decision making Dept. Yep to music Ghosty, I know it will be a winner!!

7 hours ago, La Dee-vina Comedia said:

I feel like you're channeling Sir Les Patterson.

um yeah and no 

🪱

 

1. Bring Back Suburban Grounds – With a Twist

Every team plays one home game a year at their old suburban fortress, but to keep it “modern,” there are no corporate boxes, no fancy food options, and the only toilet is a single overflowing portaloo behind the scoreboard.

2. Goal Umpires Must Wear Lab Coats and Bowler Hats Again

The AFL is all about “tradition,” right? Well, nothing says authority like a bloke in a white coat pointing two fingers like he’s diagnosing you with six weeks in the reserves.

3. Neil 'the Hangman' Busse’s Tuesday Night Tribunal – Live on Pay-Per-View

The AFL wants more revenue streams? Easy—put Busse back in charge, bring in a wheel of punishment, and make sure every hearing is hosted by Mick Molloy and Sam Pang. Bonus points if the player has to argue his case using nothing but concocted evidence of the opposition’s player who only felt a love-tap, despite his broken jaw and two black eyes.

4. Kick-to-Kick After the Game—Now With a Draft System

Let’s get serious—kick-to-kick isn’t just a bit of fun. It’s a grassroots recruitment tool. Every week, some bloke in a woollen jumper and jeans belts a 50m torp and half time and gets signed by the game’s loosing side.

5. Running Onto the Ground after the game to Pat Your Favourite Player on the Back—By Appointment Only

In a nod to safety concerns, you can now book your moment of glory online. Simply select “Enthusiastic Shoulder Tap” or “Full Back-Slapping Experience,” and you’ll be escorted onto the field by a security guard who may or may not confiscate your can of VB.

6. Footy Records Must Be A6, Black & White, and Fit in Your Levi’s Pocket

None of this glossy magazine rubbish—just a tiny booklet with player lists, a barely-legible ladder, and exactly one ad for a meat pie company that went bankrupt in 1987.

7. All Games Start on Saturday at 2pm—Or Else

Want to play a Thursday night game? Too bad. Sunday twilight? Get stuffed. It’s 2pm Saturday or you’re deregistered as a club. And yes, the match-worn mud-stained guernseys must be left unwashed all season.

8. The Glory of a 12-Team Comp—With a Special ‘You’re Not Invited’ List

The league must contract back to 12 teams, but in the interest of fairness, clubs are voted off by an independent panel of old blokes at the pub. West Coast is already gone for “ruining the vibe,” and GWS will be kept only if they promise to never win anything ever with the best list in the comp.

9. Club Corner Returns Every Sunday—Now Hosted by a 1970s Time Capsule

Live from an RSL with a sticky carpet, Club Corner makes its triumphant return. No PR speak, no media training—just punk-drunk coaches mumbling through interviews while an old bloke yells at them to “harden up” in the background.

10. Brownlow Votes Are Now Decided by the Most Biased Supporter Groups

Why should umpires pick the winner? Instead, votes are awarded based on the loudest pub arguments. If you can convince the bloke next to you that a half-back flanker had “the best game ever,” he gets three votes. Whoever gets through September without being called “overrated” wins the Normie.

Something about a three-legged race ..... no, the thought's gone.

On 05/03/2025 at 12:53, rodney_g_resurrected said:

I had a thought the other day about finding some way to reward people who have 'full attendance' for home games at MCG/Marvel for the H&A season.

I used to mention this in surveys. Technology advanced to a point where systems could show who is attending and how often years ago. Seemed like such a simple thing to reward frequent attenders, especially for a club that gets (often unfairly) bashed for low attendances. I remember once mentioning it publicly (maybe on Twitter) and a few people suggested it was unfair to people who wanted to go to games but couldn't.

I disagree - but that may be a reason it's never been done. 

Duplicate.

Edited March 6Mar 6 by The Taciturn Demon

16 minutes ago, The Taciturn Demon said:

Duplicate.

Excellent suggestion. Our team would be so much better with two Max Gawns, two Olivers and two Petraccas.

On 05/03/2025 at 23:05, GBDee said:

 PS: On my last visit to Melbourne, I wanted to take a British Nigerian (now Australian) friend’s two lads to the G to get them on board with the Demons. Dad, an evangelical Christian, refused, clearly worried I would turn them into devil-worshippers.

I actually think this is a thing.
Maybe not a big thing but a thing never the less.

What I'd really like is an exciting brand of footy.
No [censored] they bore me to tears mostly with the odd flash of entertainment.

On 05/03/2025 at 23:05, GBDee said:

PS: On my last visit to Melbourne, I wanted to take a British Nigerian (now Australian) friend’s two lads to the G to get them on board with the Demons. Dad, an evangelical Christian, refused, clearly worried I would turn them into devil-worshippers.

So did they end up following the red white and black team? Or did you eventually persuade the dad?

Reminds me about 20 years ago at a US airport lounge in London (can’t remember which one but obvious a bit precious / prudish)  their internet locked me out of Demonland and Demonology citing something along the lines of immoralaliry. 

23 hours ago, Queanbeyan Demon said:

 

1. Bring Back Suburban Grounds – With a Twist

Every team plays one home game a year at their old suburban fortress, but to keep it “modern,” there are no corporate boxes, no fancy food options, and the only toilet is a single overflowing portaloo behind the scoreboard.

 

And of course only the mighty Demons would get that extra home game at the home of football, the Melbourne Cricket Ground. 
 

OMG though imagine modern football being played on Glenferrie Oval 😮

Edited March 7Mar 7 by monoccular

1 hour ago, monoccular said:

So did they end up following the red white and black team? Or did you eventually persuade the dad? 

Ha. Sadly, they hadn’t really embraced footy last time I heard (and soccer was their preferred option at school). They were living in Craigieburn at the time so their peers were mainly Bomber-leaning. Not good, but they’ve since moved nearer civilisation.

On 07/03/2025 at 09:14, La Dee-vina Comedia said:

Excellent suggestion. Our team would be so much better with two Max Gawns, two Olivers and two Petraccas.

And six Kossie’s

Show a replay of a Saturday, day game, on the Saturday evening FTA.

19 hours ago, Kev said:

Show a replay of a Saturday, day game, on the Saturday evening FTA.

One more sensible suggestion from you Kev and you’ll be banned from this thread.