Jump to content

Recommended Posts

17 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

It's not exactly party time at the moment Red.

Well at least that brought a smile to the dial.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

It's not exactly party time at the moment Red.

I dunno BBO   ....all one needs to do is stop taking the Dees seriously... I mean....look at the bunch of clowns running the footy...and in reality it is just one long party party  PARTY !!!  Life becomes so much more enjoyable the moment you realise it's all a farce ;)

Edited by beelzebub
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, beelzebub said:

I dunno BBO   ....all one needs to do is stop taking the Dees seriously... I mean....look at the bunch of clowns running the footy...and in reality it is just one long party party  PARTY !!!  Life becomes so much more enjoyable the moment you realise it's all a farce ;)

I find it simpler to give up such philosophising bb and just slurp more booze

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I find it simpler to give up such philosophising bb and just slurp more booze

Banana Dacquiri?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Banana Dacquiri?

Grape Dacquiri would be a more accurate description Red.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Grape Dacquiri would be a more accurate description Red.

Do you prefer the red or green/white grapes, or does it not matter, as long as they are in liquid form?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Do you prefer the red or green/white grapes, or does it not matter, as long as they are in liquid form?

My needs are simple ( when quenching the thirst anyway).

Red, plentiful and preferably at someone else's expense.

  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/28/2019 at 2:01 PM, Redleg said:

Concave or convex?

Hard to tell with a banana Top or bottom

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Kent said:

Hard to tell with a banana Top or bottom

 

 

With peel or without?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was just doing some research and stumbled across the following. Oddly enough it wasn't a porn site.

Anyway, I knew WJ and Red would appreciate my posting them.

Joke 1:

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

Joke 2:

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Joke 3:

One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

Joke 4:

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

Joke 5:

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Joke 6:

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are fantasy creatures.

Joke 7:

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

Joke 8:

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller.

Joke 9:

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"

His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"

Joke 10:

How many lawyer jokes are in existence?

 

Only three. All the rest are true stories.

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 4/28/2016 at 7:36 PM, Red and Bluebeard said:

Time to DIY, Redleg. We have a milkshake maker that someone gave the kids a while back --- like one of the old style ones with the metal cup that gets put around a central pole that whizzes it up. Get one of thosThe, your own supply of bananas, and you are away. On the latter, I am sure that Earl could supply them, with his contacts in parts tropical and his warehouse full of cigars and guava paste ... 

The season has come to this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, leave it to deever said:

The season has come to this.

Sadly …………………………………..  yes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/5/2019 at 5:19 PM, Redleg said:

With peel or without?

In your case with...hard to imagine you without an a-peel  😉😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, Moonshadow said:

Was this a relo of yours @Bitter but optimistic?

IMG_20190707_204434_480.jpg

No, not a relo Moonie but seems as though he would have been a jolly fine chap. 

I'm sure he would have been a big hit at The Manor.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

No, not a relo Moonie but seems as though he would have been a jolly fine chap. 

I'm sure he would have been a big hit at The Manor.

Good advice for all of us, nonetheless. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everybody seems pretty upbeat on DL this week. 

Gill's Coaches' dinner must have gone off well then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Redleg said:

Everybody seems pretty upbeat on DL this week. 

Gill's Coaches' dinner must have gone off well then.

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

Date, time and venue ? 😆😆

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

 

4 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

Date, time and venue ? 😆😆

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

 

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

You're  so cheap lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

You're  so cheap lol

Don’t say that until you see the quality of the booze that the lawyers come up with

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

 

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

"Downstairs" = dungeon.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

  • Shocked 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Social Media

  • Match Previews, Reports & Articles

    BACK IN STYLE by Whispering Jack

    From the moment when the Elton John character in the movie “Rocketman” burst into its opening scene dressed as a flamboyant demon on his way to an addiction rehabilitation session, the game was on. Here was yet another film about a person gifted with a meteoric rise to stardom finding coke, booze and a hedonistic lifestyle that led directly to a destructive crash into the abyss. Ultimately, these stories end in total disaster (“A Star is Born”, “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “Judy”) but this one resulted

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features

    THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2019

    PART ONE - OVERTURE  I have a disclaimer at the outset. I’m not a fan of the races - be they horses or motors of any kind. Once the final siren sounds on the football season, I find the month or so that follows and corresponds roughly with the Spring Racing Carnival to be the most boring time of the year for sports fans. You turn on the radio and you’re confronted by the monotonous drone of a self-proclaimed racing expert or by the nasally twang of an ex-jockey banging on about the equine p

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features 8

    CHANGES 2019 by The Oracle

    PART 1 - IT’S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THIS TIME This year’s free agency, trade and draft period will see the usual drama and upheaval as the AFL’s 18 clubs seek to better their lists in order to challenge for finals and possibly premiership honours. Long before the final siren sounded on the season just over a week ago, the maneuvering was under way with player agents and clubs discussing possible player movements and in some cases, deals had already been done.  Yesterday, the r

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features 2

    HOW FAR SOUTH? by George on the Outer

    It was appropriate that Melbourne was playing its last game of season 2019 in Hobart.  After all, how much further south could the team go? And much as it has done in many of the previous 22 games, the side managed to extract a loss from a winning position by simply giving the ball back to the opposition time and time again. In fact, they gave it back to the opposition to the tune of 53 points from turnovers while, by way of contrast North Melbourne contributed  only 17 points to their oppo

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    COOKED by The Oracle

    I can vividly remember when the Demons ventured onto Blundstone Arena for the first time in early 2016 only to lose to the Kangaroos by 20.11.131 to 21.10.136.    Melbourne was then a team on the up and up: young, enthusiastic and bold. It gave up a huge quarter time deficit after kicking against a strong wind but made that up by half time and fell dramatically short after an exciting high scoring affair.  The team lost no fans that day - they were willing to take the game on and attac

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    HELP by KC rom Casey

    The Casey Demons finished off their home and away season against Frankston at Skybus Stadium on Sunday with a narrow, unconvincing 6-point victory that left the door slightly open for a top eight berth when the VFL finals begin in a fortnight’s time. While sunny skies prevailed over Frankston in the morning, the skies became overcast by noon and heavy waves pounded the bay nearby as the rains came in to greet the players as the game started. And conditions stayed dark and dreary for the rem

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Casey Articles

    THANKS BUT NO THANKS by George on the Outer

    Thanks, but no thanks! In a round where the club was supposed to thank their fans for the support during the year, the Melbourne Football Club chose to do otherwise with a 53 point loss to a team that sat 15th on the ladder.  Don’t give us cheap jumpers that can’t be sold in the Demon shop.  Don’t give us vouchers to shop there, give us something on the field, which is why we come to the football in the first place. It was a disgraceful performance, which started with a disgracefu

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    SLEEP OUT AT THE MCG by The Oracle

    Around about 12 months ago Melbourne and Sydney fought out an epic battle between two top eight teams fighting for the best possible ladder position in the lead up to the finals. The Swans triumphed by 9 points at the MCG after the Demons came back from five goals down at three quarter time. But for its poor kicking for goal, Melbourne might well have won the game and finished in the top four. Who knows what might then have happened for the club in September? As a consequence, the person re

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    A LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE by KC from Casey

    Two clubs that have been hard hit by injury recently took part in a dour battle under dark clouds and, with intermittent showers falling, it wasn’t a pretty game at Victoria Park on Sunday. Despite all that, the Casey Demons added a little ray of sunshine to their day to get the job done over a "traditional" rival with a 15 point victory over Collingwood VFL that breathed life back into their season. There were a few highlights at the ground that in past days has seen many titanic batt

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Casey Articles

    THE RETRO ROUND by George on the Outer

    We have seen it all before… Yes, a wonderful idea to showcase what used to be in football.  Big crowds, umpires who knew how to apply the rules and not opinions, high marks, skilful players. But for the Melbourne supporters their retro is what it has been like for the past 10 years. Losing games, end on end, year after year.  Opportunities squandered in front of goal. VFL standard players running around at the MCG. Just more of the same, and the game against Collingwood was no ex

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

    THE PEOPLE SPEAK by The Demonland Crew

    Thanks to Demonlanders for their input into this week’s preview. Ralphius Maximus is short and bittersweet: We'll crack in at the bounce to create a contest, win our share of the ball, butcher the forward movement and get scored on easily from the intercepts. Not that hard to predict. Big Demon says: Unfortunately Collingwood will win because they have a lot more to play for. We will be good in parts but really the season is well over so we will have to put up with those bell

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Previews

    WHAT, NO BLOOD? by George on the Outer

    The feeling when turning up to the MCG on a Saturday night to play a top four side in Richmond, while the Melbourne sits cemented in close proximity to the bottom of the table is like attending the Colosseum in Ancient Roman times. The expectation is that a bloodbath is about to occur. There are 100,000 Richmond members and 50,000 Melbourne members, and despite the fact that it turned out to be a wet night after half-time, a crowd of only 37K bothered to turn up. That should never have happ

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports

×
×
  • Create New...