The No T$ No B$ Thread

[Moonshadow 16,648]

4 minutes ago, Biffen said:

I recently fronted the family court where the Judge decided my ex-wife should get $5000 a month.

"That's very big of you , your honour ,I replied  ,"If things are going well for me in Japan I'll try to send her a few bob myself."

Sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield line, Biff.

"I drink too much. Last night time I gave a urine sample it had an olive on it!"

"When I was a kid my folks moved a lot, but I always found them..."

[Biffen 12,567]

15 minutes ago, Moonshadow said:

Sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield line, Biff.

"I drink too much. Last night time I gave a urine sample it had an olive on it!"

"When I was a kid my folks moved a lot, but I always found them..."

My wife and I decided  we'd only smoke after sex.

I've had the same pack since 1975.

She buys a carton a week-go figure.

No respect.....

 

[Bitter but optimistic 21,597]

2 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

Sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield line, Biff.

"I drink too much. Last night time I gave a urine sample it had an olive on it!"

"When I was a kid my folks moved a lot, but I always found them..."

 

1 hour ago, Biffen said:

My wife and I decided  we'd only smoke after sex.

I've had the same pack since 1975.

She buys a carton a week-go figure.

No respect.....

 

FMD !!!!

We are locked down in an historic social and health crisis and the best you clowns can come up with is inane jokes ?

You should be ashamed.

You need to take a leaf out of your good old Uncle Bitter's book of wisdom and learn how to use your time wisely to the benefit of society.

I have been studying the advertisements on Demonland very closely. And ….. apart from making some new friends in the Ukraine. I have made a major medical breakthrough. 

I was perusing an advertisement that offered a cure for earwax. A very cunning device that operates like a corkscrew  ( a tool with which I am very familiar BTW) . The concept is simple - one inserts it into the ear … screws away … and wallah out comes the wax - just like the cork out of a well cellared shiraz.

Now while earwax isn't one of my major concerns -  as you all are aware, tinea has been an ongoing trial for me. 

So! With a bit of inspiration and a dash imagination …. and the clincher - an adaptor to fit my  trusty Makita multi speed and reversible drill , I have created a device that happily  and successfully chips away at my fungi.

Now that is social responsibility!

[daisycutter 28,728]

my 90yo neighbour thinks alzheimer's is a family restaurant chain

[daisycutter 28,728]

29 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

 

FMD !!!!

We are locked down in an historic social and health crisis and the best you clowns can come up with is inane jokes ?

You should be ashamed.

You need to take a leaf out of your good old Uncle Bitter's book of wisdom and learn how to use your time wisely to the benefit of society.

I have been studying the advertisements on Demonland very closely. And ….. apart from making some new friends in the Ukraine. I have made a major medical breakthrough. 

I was perusing an advertisement that offered a cure for earwax. A very cunning device that operates like a corkscrew  ( a tool with which I am very familiar BTW) . The concept is simple - one inserts it into the ear … screws away … and wallah out comes the wax - just like the cork out of a well cellared shiraz.

Now while earwax isn't one of my major concerns -  as you all are aware, tinea has been an ongoing trial for me. 

So! With a bit of inspiration and a dash imagination …. and the clincher - an adaptor to fit my  trusty Makita multi speed and reversible drill , I have created a device that happily  and successfully chips away at my fungi.

Now that is social responsibility!

nah, you need an angle grinder, much quicker

[Neil Crompton 4,990]

On 5/18/2020 at 11:06 PM, daisycutter said:

nah, you need an angle grinder, much quicker

I think you have just solved one of my problems DC. 

Constantly having thongs on my feet during these covid days spent at home, I am regularly reminded visually at just how long my toe nails are getting. I have a problem bending all that way to cut them. And, unlike BBO, I don’t have a slave to cut them for me. 

But I reckon I could bend far enough to reach them with an angle grinder in my hands. Problem solved. Thanks DC. 

And to BBO, I had a grandfather who also suffered from bad tinea.  I seem to remember he swore by ( or swore at, I cannot remember) the pouring of peroxide on his infliction.  Perhaps you could let me know which one it was.

[daisycutter 28,728]

26 minutes ago, Neil Crompton said:

I think you have just solved one of my problems DC. 

Constantly having thongs on my feet during these covid days spent at home, I am regularly reminded visually at just how long my toe nails are getting. I have a problem bending all that way to cut them. And, unlike BBO, I don’t have a slave to cut them for me. 

But I reckon I could bend far enough to reach them with an angle grinder in my hands. Problem solved. Thanks DC. 

And to BBO, I had a grandfather who also suffered from bad tinea.  I seem to remember he swore by ( or swore at, I cannot remember) the pouring of peroxide on his infliction.  Perhaps you could let me know which one it was.

glad to help, neil. you might also check out a multi-tool, very versatile

for uncle bitters, i'd skip the peroxide and go straight to hydrochloric acid undiluted. can guarantee will wipeout the tinea very quickly.

[Neil Crompton 4,990]

26 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

glad to help, neil. you might also check out a multi-tool, very versatile

for uncle bitters, i'd skip the peroxide and go straight to hydrochloric acid undiluted. can guarantee will wipeout the tinea very quickly.

A multi tool would be too dangerous in my hands DC. I’ll stick with the grinder thanks.

[daisycutter 28,728]

49 minutes ago, Neil Crompton said:

A multi tool would be too dangerous in my hands DC. I’ll stick with the grinder thanks.

all good. if still having any problems there is always the jack hammer option

[Redleg 38,641]

With all this talk of tools, I feel like I am in a "Home Improvement" episode.

Edited May 20, 2020 by Redleg

[Little Goffy 13,049]

The trouble with curative advice from 'my great uncle who had that' is that, well, your great uncle still had it, so how good can his treatment be?

I suggest asking random people 'Have you ever had this unpleasant infection I've got?'  until you strike a winner.

 

 

[640MD 3,116]

That question, reminds me of an old mate,

who asked the question, of the girl, after the first dance.
Did not often get a second dance, but he worked on the theory that 5% would say yes. 
I do wonder what happened to “dags”

[dpositive 1,604]

25 minutes ago, 640MD said:

I do wonder what happened to “dags”

I think they're still hanging off sheeps behinds.

[Moonshadow 16,648]

7 hours ago, daisycutter said:

glad to help, neil. you might also check out a multi-tool, very versatile

for uncle bitters, i'd skip the peroxide and go straight to hydrochloric acid undiluted. can guarantee will wipeout the tinea very quickly.

I think Uncle should try hydroxychloroquine. Seems to cure everything else*

* Before relying on any information on this drug, users should carefully evaluate its accuracy, currency, completeness and relevance for their purposes, and should obtain any appropriate professional advice relevant to their particular circumstances from the President of the United States.

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by Moonshadow

[Tarax Club 3,354]

Uncle about to receive his medicine!

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by Tarax Club
profanity filter

[640MD 3,116]

19 hours ago, dpositive said:

I think they're still hanging off sheeps behinds.

Its a nickname,  and he is from the country, but now a ****ty slicker.

[Moonshadow 16,648]

[daisycutter 28,728]

sounds pretty reasonable to me, moonie

[Redleg 38,641]

Great that footy is back, but personally, with the virus still with us for ages, I am finding it very hard to get excited. 
However, it looks like the TV is going to get a bigger workout.
 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Redleg

[old dee 23,256]

11 hours ago, Redleg said:

Great that footy is back, but personally, with the virus still with us for ages, I am finding it very hard to get excited. 
However, it looks like the TV is going to get a bigger workout.
 

Sadly I have to agree Mr. Leg. To me going to the footy is 80% of the enjoyment. Not sure how I will adapt with only 20% to work with. The up side is in early June we are still in the running for a finals berth. How often does that happen?

Edited May 25, 2020 by old dee

[Redleg 38,641]

On 5/25/2020 at 7:55 PM, old dee said:

Sadly I have to agree Mr. Leg. To me going to the footy is 80% of the enjoyment. Not sure how I will adapt with only 20% to work with. The up side is in early June we are still in the running for a finals berth. How often does that happen?

If we blow the next 4 games it is probably curtains for 2020. 

Hopefully Weid finally makes it as a consistent key forward, or Jackson steps up to help, even though he is young and slight.

[Moonshadow 16,648]

Our very own Uncle Bitter has been at it again!

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/may/28/man-acquitted-of-entering-a-home-with-a-weapon-after-successful-sex-fantasy-defence

[Bitter but optimistic 21,597]

11 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

Our very own Uncle Bitter has been at it again!

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/may/28/man-acquitted-of-entering-a-home-with-a-weapon-after-successful-sex-fantasy-defence

Bah  Moonie !! Your suggestion that I would be involved in such a bumbling and amateurish escapade is insulting to say the least.

All ….err ….. "services" associated with The Manor are provided with the utmost discretion. 

[640MD 3,116]

Having read that article,   God life must be complicated or should that be interesting for some people.

$5,000 is a large amount of money, just to get your rocks off !

Looking forward to the football, can not help it, guess I am a bit like the bloke wanting to give away $5,000,

A little bit strange,     the wife does not understand my obsession either. Whatever you are talking about !

Go Dees

[Bitter but optimistic 21,597]

Here’s one for the literate among us.

While boundary riding The Manor and half listening to the radio I heard a reporter give the latest  on Majak Daw’s “pectorials” !!!