Someone started a thread of good or positive news.

This one's for fave jokes or vids.

Ill assume winning coin toss and go with two.

An old Christmas joke and a Monty Python sketch

A bloke has his neighbours over for a few Xmas drinks and informs them they need to have at least some small festive item to fit in.

His first guest is wearing the old novelty reindeer antlers ....so no problem.

The second is more relaxed and just wearing a red and white shirt ...the basic of efforts.

The third has done sfa and when challenged by his host suddenly lights up and pulls out a pair of woman's panties from his back pocket.

" A puzzled host looks at the underwear and asks rhetorically....."What the hell do these have to do with Christmas?"

His neighbour beams with a big grin and cheerfully exclaims ....

"Their Carols "

And favourite MS sketch......

monty python funniest joke share'

https://share.google/mrr4lefa0yPgLOkNF

Edited 15 hours ago15 hr by Previously known as LITD.

Simple and wholesome - but it's hard to be miserable hearing this laugh.

A joke that I’ve probably told on here before (I don’t have many), but what the hell, I’ll do it again, followed by a Christmas/Easter themed video..

First, the joke:

A chap is out walking his dog and is waiting for the traffic lights to change, so they can safely cross. There is another gentleman standing next to them, also waiting to cross, and he couldn’t help but notice the first chap’s dog was sitting there calmly and enthusiastically licking his nether regions.

To break the ice and to stave off boredom, the gentleman says to the chap with the dog, “Wouldn’t it be great to be able to do that!”, to which the chap with the dog replies, “Well, if you pat him first, he just might let you!”.

And now for the video:

Edited 11 hours ago11 hr by hardtack

As a recovered public servant, I'm a big fan of jokes slipped under the wire so stuffy serious people don't notice it.

At the micro scale, a boss of mine in the public-facing private sector always included explicit stipulations about quality and quantity of muffins to be provided at all client-called progress meetings.

Slightly more forcefully, my dad infamously added the staff who had worked copious unpaid overtime to the 'sponsors' page for a certain peak body's annual report, right next to Linfox and Visy et al.

But if you ever want to witness an exercise in deadpan humour carried out in full, there is the 1999

Report to the Minister for Defence on the Collins Class Submarine and related matters

The utlimate shaggy dog story. Just from recall;

• the propeller blades were misaligned causing cavitation which in turn caused the defects in the propeller manufacturing to be exposed as sudden potentially catastrophic cracking

• the propeller shafts were not designed to match the size and RPM of the propellers, so wore out quickly and needed frequent in-port maintenance, dramatically limiting missions range and capabilities.

• the periscopes were not hydrodynamic and would begin vibrating loudly and potentially breaking if the submarine moved too much while periscopes were in operation

• the periscope mirrors weren't properly shielded, such that at certain times of day around dawn and dusk the periscope operator could suddenly be hit by a concentrated glare that would leave them blinded for minutes.

• the hull shape wasn't correctly modelled and had to be modified after construction to prevent the submarine generating a bubble-wake

• the hull paint/coating wasn't on spec for acoustic dampening

• the engines were prone to collecting backwash water, radically reducing performance and causing constant loud banging, causing corrosion of parts, emitting fumes, and vibrations damaging parts such as gear trains and pistons.

• the contracts defining who was responsible for what were hopelessly lacking in details, leading to months of lost time and legal wrangling over almost every issue which came up. Some contractors were released from their contractual quality standards because it was all too much trouble to administer

• the various offices involved and the key people in the project (Navy/Defence Materiel-DSTO/Australian Submarine Corporation) all developed such an intense hatred and 'trench warfare' culture towards each other that they actively avoided calls and the meetings required to make progress

• At no time was there enough crew to field any more than three of the six subs, and typically only two

• but that wasn't particularly relevant because it was unusual for more than half the fleet to be available for service anyway, or even for sea trials in preparation for service, given the continuous maintenance burden

• the performance limitations and genuine risks of operation at high loads meant that crew training and development was far below the rated expectations for service

• the computer systems (both software, and, by the time the software was updated, the hardware) which were initially installed were out of date by the time they arrived. The networking was so unreliable that crew were writing down the details from the screen in front of them to pass to the person at the next screen - for example, target information from sonar was no longer accurate by the time the weapons officer's screen refreshed.

Now, I did say this was a shaggy dog story. So the final punchline is, of course, that after more than a decade of hilarious shemozzle...

(put on your best Norm MacDonald voice)

"The Collins class submarines are well designed for Australia's special requirements and have generally been soundly built."

7 hours ago, Little Goffy said:

Slightly more forcefully, my dad infamously added the staff who had worked copious unpaid overtime to the 'sponsors' page for a certain peak body's annual report, right next to Linfox and Visy et al.

But if you ever want to witness an exercise in deadpan humour carried out in full, there is the 1999

Report to the Minister for Defence on the Collins Class Submarine and related matters

The utlimate shaggy dog story. Just from recall;

Lol. Sponsors - I love it. I've heard unpaid overtime termed as 'donated hours' by some in management, so stands to reason that you'd be a sponsor. But putting them in an official annual report is next level.

The Collins class thing also made the engineer in me laugh, while being a bit close to home at the same time.