Jump to content


Recommended Posts

Posted

Sitting next to Clarkson in a cafe. Keeping my phone out of site.

Give him an elbow for the team Red. You'll only get a slap on the wrist as penalty.

Posted

Sitting next to Clarkson in a cafe. Keeping my phone out of site.

Screaming "Go Demons!" at the top of your voice sounds like the go ... :)

Posted

And charges you for personal attention - in 6 minute time slots!

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

  • Like 2

Posted

Biffo and BBO you are both needed in the Essendon Drugs thread as the place is infested with drug loving cult members.

Posted

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

I had to read that more than once to realise that the first line wasn't the punch line ... :blink:

  • Like 6
Posted

I had to read that more than once to realise that the first line wasn't the punch line ... :blink:

yeah, must admit the credibility took a dive in the first sentence

  • Like 1

Posted (edited)

yeah, must admit the credibility took a dive in the first sentence

Well, if we must have some lawyer jokes (twist my arm someone, please! :) .... WJ, Redleg, I think I will owe you both a drink after this!)

An old lady, knowing her time is nearing an end, calls her three most trusted people to her, her priest, her doctor and her lawyer, and gives them each $50,000 in cash. She gives them strict instructions to put the cash in her coffin before she is buried, as she has decided to take it with her into the afterlife. Each solemnly agrees to carry out her rather bizarre wish.

Later, after her funeral, the three of them are talking. The priest says "I have a confession to make. I don't know about you, but I only put $20,000 in the coffin. You see, we had this appeal to build a shelter for homeless kids, and we were $30,000 short of our target. I thought it would be such a waste just to bury all that money and see the homeless continue to sleep in the street. So I put $30,000 into the appeal, and $20,000 in the coffin". The doctor days "Well, I am glad you said that. I only put $30,000 in the coffin. We had an appeal for some new equipment for the children's hospital, and we were $20,000 short. Like you, I felt it was a waste to bury all that cash and see the kids miss out on the equipment they need. So I put $20,000 into the appeal, and $30,000 in the coffin". The lawyer is very angry, and screams his disgust at the other two. "You solemnly swore to put the money into the coffin! You betrayed that fine old lady's trust! You two should be ashamed of yourselves! No short-changing from me --- I put in a cheque for the full $50,000!"

Edited by Red and Bluebeard
  • Like 3
Posted

Having had the withering pleasure of meeting BBO and his metrosexual friend on Sunday morning i have only really now come to terms with the dangers of online chat forums such as this.

BBO had donned his arseless chaps for the Freo game ,and was intent on drinking a quick six pots or as they call it in Romsey ,morning tea.

He was also intent on dragging others into verbal confrontations with random strangers ,which must have prompted him to bring Moonshadow ,though one seriously has to wonder why.

Also in tow was the lovely and erudite Maple ,who must have fallen prey to the sick charms and crude invocations we all know uncle bitters is capable of.

Luckily ,Maple was three sheets to the wind upon arrival ,oblivious to the coarseness of her chaperones.She began the morning with a Midori mixed with Maple syrup and I'm quite surprised she didn't add sugar.

She managed to find a child that had lost it's parent and proceeded to feed it a procession of junk food which was just as well as the dirty little urchin looked as if it had been wandering the streets for some time.

I took the liberty of inviting a great legal mind along to defray any impositions the law might attempt to impose on such a likely crew.

Good job too.

Not long into the second quarter , Bitters began a slippery descent into a homophobic rant at the umpires ,an unfortunate Freo supporter who looked like he had ridden a fixie to the game with a little creatures pilsener stuffed in his beard,as well as at some men in front of us who were very well groomed.

Moonie decided to try to quell the gathering police presence by diverting attention to the football but at this stage he was virtually unconscious ,balthering about the Greens and composting and how we can change the world from our inner city terraces and a copy of Das Kapital.

Naturally ,i was the first arrested and while I waited for my lawyer to end the matter it appears Bitters had caused him some offence, and he refused to act on my behalf ever again.

Long story short ,BBO blamed me for the homophobic rants and had me arrested. Moonie disappeared back into his vege garden and Maple absconded with the child to sell it on ebay.

To top it off ,BBO refused to pay my bail so i was forced to spend the evening away from the Gat.

Never again.

  • Like 2

Posted (edited)

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re assigned to hell.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they have got air conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on .. and — the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan on the telephone.
“So, how’s it going down there in hell?” God says.
“Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. There’s no telling what our engineer is going to come up with next!” Satan says.
“What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should have never gotten down there; send him back immediately!” God says.
“No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!” Satan says.
“Send him back up here or I’ll sue!” God says.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers:
“Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Edited by M C
  • Like 3
Posted

this has become the no t$ no b$ no l$ thread

There are those who say no b$ means no l$ ... :)

  • Like 1
Posted

Having had the withering pleasure of meeting BBO and his metrosexual friend on Sunday morning i have only really now come to terms with the dangers of online chat forums such as this.

BBO had donned his arseless chaps for the Freo game ,and was intent on drinking a quick six pots or as they call it in Romsey ,morning tea.

He was also intent on dragging others into verbal confrontations with random strangers ,which must have prompted him to bring Moonshadow ,though one seriously has to wonder why.

Also in tow was the lovely and erudite Maple ,who must have fallen prey to the sick charms and crude invocations we all know uncle bitters is capable of.

Luckily ,Maple was three sheets to the wind upon arrival ,oblivious to the coarseness of her chaperones.She began the morning with a Midori mixed with Maple syrup and I'm quite surprised she didn't add sugar.

She managed to find a child that had lost it's parent and proceeded to feed it a procession of junk food which was just as well as the dirty little urchin looked as if it had been wandering the streets for some time.

I took the liberty of inviting a great legal mind along to defray any impositions the law might attempt to impose on such a likely crew.

Good job too.

Not long into the second quarter , Bitters began a slippery descent into a homophobic rant at the umpires ,an unfortunate Freo supporter who looked like he had ridden a fixie to the game with a little creatures pilsener stuffed in his beard,as well as at some men in front of us who were very well groomed.

Moonie decided to try to quell the gathering police presence by diverting attention to the football but at this stage he was virtually unconscious ,balthering about the Greens and composting and how we can change the world from our inner city terraces and a copy of Das Kapital.

Naturally ,i was the first arrested and while I waited for my lawyer to end the matter it appears Bitters had caused him some offence, and he refused to act on my behalf ever again.

Long story short ,BBO blamed me for the homophobic rants and had me arrested. Moonie disappeared back into his vege garden and Maple absconded with the child to sell it on ebay.

To top it off ,BBO refused to pay my bail so i was forced to spend the evening away from the Gat.

Never again.

Biff, the only truth in this complete fiction is BBOs arseless chaps and your arrest. BTW, that child cost me way too much on eBay, might ask for a refund.

  • Like 1

Posted

Billy Stretch mentioned in the Australian today as being a chance to debut this week.

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

Posted

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

Footy talk is not banned in this thread. It just has a lot of competition ...

Posted

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

No, there are only 2 banned topics on this thread and they are in the title.


Posted

at least no-one can be accused of breaking the second rule

Or rule number six ... :blink::blink:

  • Like 1

Posted

Biff, the only truth in this complete fiction is BBOs arseless chaps and your arrest. BTW, that child cost me way too much on eBay, might ask for a refund.

Moonshadow, you are quite correct that there were some minor inaccuracies in young Biff's version of events. Between Bitter's complaints of the inferior, over-priced wine served in plastic cups, drunken behaviour, rants from all three of you about the inferior product on the field and the subsequent arrests of both Biff and Bitter, the poor child sitting next to us was rather frightened. I began to talk to him in hopes of redirecting his attention back to the game and away from the three of you....such a young mind had never seen such a display before! The young lad offered quite astute observations about the game and even identified one J Hogan as his fav player. His parents were rather grateful for my assistance and he went home with them a happy boy.

  • Like 2
Posted

Or rule number six ... :blink::blink:

Rule6 was deleted and replaced by rule 6A as like many of our draft picks of the last few years it was unfit for its intended purpose.

Posted

Billy Stretch mentioned in the Australian today as being a chance to debut this week.

Done.

Posted

Rule6 was deleted and replaced by rule 6A as like many of our draft picks of the last few years it was unfit for its intended purpose.

There is no rule 6! I thought you knew that! :blink::blink:

Posted

you say prosecution i say prost.......

And I say bottoms up ... didn't know you were a kraut :blink:

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Demonland Forums  

  • Match Previews, Reports & Articles  

    TRAINING: Friday 22nd November 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers were out in force on a scorching morning out at Gosch's Paddock for the final session before the whole squad reunites for the Preseason Training Camp. DEMONLAND'S PRESEASON TRAINING OBSERVATIONS It’s going to be a scorcher today but I’m in the shade at Gosch’s Paddock ready to bring you some observations from the final session before the Preseason Training Camp next week.  Salem, Fritsch & Campbell are already on the track. Still no number on Campbell’s

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports

    UP IN LIGHTS by Whispering Jack

    Those who watched the 2024 Marsh AFL National Championships closely this year would not be particularly surprised that Melbourne selected Victoria Country pair Harvey Langford and Xavier Lindsay on the first night of the AFL National Draft. The two left-footed midfielders are as different as chalk and cheese but they had similar impacts in their Coates Talent League teams and in the National Championships in 2024. Their interstate side was edged out at the very end of the tournament for tea

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Special Features

    TRAINING: Wednesday 20th November 2024

    It’s a beautiful cool morning down at Gosch’s Paddock and I’ve arrived early to bring you my observations from today’s session. DEMONLAND'S PRESEASON TRAINING OBSERVATIONS Reigning Keith Bluey Truscott champion Jack Viney is the first one out on the track.  Jack’s wearing the red version of the new training guernsey which is the only version available for sale at the Demon Shop. TRAINING: Viney, Clarry, Lever, TMac, Rivers, Petty, McVee, Bowey, JVR, Hore, Tom Campbell (in tr

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports

    TRAINING: Monday 18th November 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers ventured down to Gosch's Paddock for the final week of training for the 1st to 4th Years until they are joined by the rest of the senior squad for Preseason Training Camp in Mansfield next week. WAYNE RUSSELL'S PRESEASON TRAINING OBSERVATIONS No Ollie, Chin, Riv today, but Rick & Spargs turned up and McDonald was there in casual attire. Seston, and Howes did a lot of boundary running, and Tom Campbell continued his work with individual trainer in non-MFC

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports

    2024 Player Reviews: #11 Max Gawn

    Champion ruckman and brilliant leader, Max Gawn earned his seventh All-Australian team blazer and constantly held the team up on his shoulders in what was truly a difficult season for the Demons. Date of Birth: 30 December 1991 Height: 209cm Games MFC 2024: 21 Career Total: 224 Goals MFC 2024: 11 Career Total: 109 Brownlow Medal Votes: 13 Melbourne Football Club: 2nd Best & Fairest: 405 votes

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 12

    2024 Player Reviews: #36 Kysaiah Pickett

    The Demons’ aggressive small forward who kicks goals and defends the Demons’ ball in the forward arc. When he’s on song, he’s unstoppable but he did blot his copybook with a three week suspension in the final round. Date of Birth: 2 June 2001 Height: 171cm Games MFC 2024: 21 Career Total: 106 Goals MFC 2024: 36 Career Total: 161 Brownlow Medal Votes: 3 Melbourne Football Club: 4th Best & Fairest: 369 votes

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 5

    TRAINING: Friday 15th November 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers took advantage of the beautiful sunshine to head down to Gosch's Paddock and witness the return of Clayton Oliver to club for his first session in the lead up to the 2025 season. DEMONLAND'S PRESEASON TRAINING OBSERVATIONS Clarry in the house!! Training: JVR, McVee, Windsor, Tholstrup, Woey, Brown, Petty, Adams, Chandler, Turner, Bowey, Seston, Kentfield, Laurie, Sparrow, Viney, Rivers, Jefferson, Hore, Howes, Verrall, AMW, Clarry Tom Campbell is here

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports

    2024 Player Reviews: #7 Jack Viney

    The tough on baller won his second Keith 'Bluey' Truscott Trophy in a narrow battle with skipper Max Gawn and Alex Neal-Bullen and battled on manfully in the face of a number of injury niggles. Date of Birth: 13 April 1994 Height: 178cm Games MFC 2024: 23 Career Total: 219 Goals MFC 2024: 10 Career Total: 66 Brownlow Medal Votes: 8

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 3

    TRAINING: Wednesday 13th November 2024

    A couple of Demonland Trackwatchers braved the rain and headed down to Gosch's paddock to bring you their observations from the second day of Preseason training for the 1st to 4th Year players. DITCHA'S PRESEASON TRAINING OBSERVATIONS I attended some of the training today. Richo spoke to me and said not to believe what is in the media, as we will good this year. Jefferson and Kentfield looked big and strong.  Petty was doing all the training. Adams looked like he was in rehab.  KE

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports
  • Tell a friend

    Love Demonland? Tell a friend!

×
×
  • Create New...