The No T$ No B$ Thread

[Longsufferingnomore 1,631]

Look forward to the next instalment. At least we know that our side of the investigation is in good hands, becoming slightly pudgy but still diligent. Onward and upward WJ and your faithful companion R.

[Hiram Cowfreak 77]

I'd love to listen to that cassette....the last quarter would sound like the Goon Show

[dpositive 1,663]

Am really appreciating this travelogue.

Hope that your efforts to restore the reputations of all involved in the sordid tale are rewarded.

(restoring does not imply only improving)

I am confident that we have the most able and determined representatives undertaking this task.

Only the obvious talent that is being exposed through Dland reporting will resolve the greatest threat to life as we know it.

continued expose will make Dland compulsory reading for any journalist, sportsperson, politician needing to retain a link to reality.

What will the Sydney perspective on Melbourne tanking be???

The next gripping episode promises so much!

Lets hope that unlike the Wilson inspired fairytale it can deliver.

[daisycutter 29,604]

Just watched Tomic topple Anderson in the final

Geez these boys are BIG. Anderson is 6'8" moves like a leopard and serves like a shotgun

Tomic is no slouch at 6'5"

Kenny Rosewell at 5'7" handed out the trophy at the presentation and the difference in height was just staggering

Pity they don't play footy

[Whispering_Jack 29,801]

Just woke up, opened the blinds and had the Opera House staring back at me.

Some disappointing news to report. We've lost the tape. Here's what happened after we left Hobart on the trip north:

Back at the ship we played the tape over and over on the entertainment director's machine. It contained several clues as to Melbourne's innocence in the tanking affair. It opened with an instruction from football manager Chris Connolly to skipper James McDonald concerning what to do about the coin toss before the Round 18 game v Richmond.

"Remember James. Heads you win. Tails Zulus!"

It went on and on like that until well after the final siren without a skerrick of evidence to suggest anything other than that the coach and his assistants were doing their best to win the game with an undermanned and wounded side: one that lacked talent and which, like Carlton and Richmond two years earlier and Collingwood and others before that, fully deserved the benefits of a priority pick in the AFL draft. There was even a brief interlude when Bailey and one of his assistants discussed whether or not they should give Jack Watts another game before he reached puberty.

Even the entertainment director who knows nothing about AFL was suitably impressed as well as wanting to hire Connolly for the comedy gig on the next leg of the voyage to Auckland.

Just then, the ship's alarm rang. It was time for an emergency drill and the voice on the loudspeakers called all passengers onto deck 7 where they kept the life rafts (or "ve vill shoot you!").

We returned to the entertainment director's cabin after the drill and encountered a horrific scene. He was bound, gagged (they had put a banana in his mouth) and tied to a chair, the furniture rearranged and the room in a mess. Either, he was into something kinky or some foul play was afoot. We settled for the latter when we saw the cassette player. Our precious tape of the Jordan McMahon game was missing!

The evidence was gone.

I'm sure you're asking yourselves whether Redleg and I made a copy? More bad news. We didn't have time.

However, there's no need to panic. I'm sure we'll think of something to ensure that we get the tape back.

[Biffen 12,940]

Nice one,

Hope the buffet is not too soggy after writing that piece.

Did you take extra money for the cost of living up there?

Is it breakfast, papers, exercise, lunch, matinee show ,nap , dinner, show, cocktails, bed or have I got the order wrong.

[Redleg 40,841]

I am going out to interview Kurt Tippett to get his inside view of the tanking persecution.

[Redleg 40,841]

I am going out to interview Kurt Tippett to get his inside view of the tanking persecution.

Just got back from speaking to Kurt and he says we have nothing to worry about. He said if we were tanking we would have played PJ on Brown in the last quarter against the Tigers.

[old dee 23,781]

I see a certain Mr and Mrs Lake have been arrested last night for D and D

Evidently they were very much the worst for wear.

Might get us out of the news for a couple of days.

Wonder what the hawks are thinking of their deal to recruit him now?

[Whispering_Jack 29,801]

I see a certain Mr and Mrs Lake have been arrested last night for D and D

Evidently they were very much the worst for wear.

Might get us out of the news for a couple of days.

No it won't. The media is so lazy and so obsessed with Melbourne that they've become completely incapable of stringing together more than a few words on any subject without dropping in the obligatory reference to the Demons and the T word no matter what story they happen to be covering at the time:-

http://www.couriermail.com.au/sport/afl/star-hawthorn-recruit-brian-lake-issed-infringement-notice-after-drinking-heavily-in-sorrento/story-e6frepf6-1226552981484'>Footy star Brian Lake and wife locked up for four hours after drunken verbal stoush

"The weekend incident caps off a turbulent off-season for the AFL.

A group of Melbourne players was involved in an ugly spat with fans during the Boxing Day Test.

A decision into the Melbourne tanking allegations is due this month ... "

Take a bow for your flatulent reporting Alex Whatsyourname but you've been completely outdone by the Karachi Daily Dawn (thanks to Redleg's expert translation from the Urdu language):-

http://dawn.com/2013/01/13/six-arrested-in-new-rape-of-a-bus-passenger-in-india'>Six arrested in new rape of a bus passenger in India

NEW DELHI: Police said they arrested six men on Saturday in another gang rape of a bus passenger in India, four weeks after a deadly attack on a student on a moving bus in the capital outraged Indians and led to calls for tougher rape laws.

Police officer Raj Jeet Tendulkar likened the incident to the ugly scenes at last month's Boxing Day Test at the MCG when a group of Melbourne players were evicted from the ground and charged with treason.

Meanwhile, a decision whether to charge the Melbourne Football Club with crimes against humanity in the International Criminal Court for running a ticket raffle during its home games is due later this month.

[MO FINE 166]

The situation with the club is so desperate at the moment that we need WJ and Redleg to perform some heroics up there on the banana boat.

It all depends on them now!

[Whispering_Jack 29,801]

The situation with the club is so desperate at the moment that we need WJ and Redleg to perform some heroics up there on the banana boat.

It all depends on them now!

Hot off the press.

We were at wit's end. The ship was about to dock in Sydney and the tape was missing. The cruise line's entertainment director was heavily concussed with no memory of the vicious assault that preceded the theft of the tape we hoped would prove the Melbourne Football Club innocent of all charges against it in the forthcoming tanking trial at the International Court of Justice in The Hague.

The ship's security cameras proved useless; the criminals who committed the outrageous theft were far too clever; all footage of the passage outside was blocked by a large figure rendering identification impossible.

We had reached yet another dead end in a series of dead ends and decided the situation was so hopeless that the only thing left for us to do was to disembark and mingle on shore with the ship's American tourists.

We were carrying the thoughts of that depressing prospect with us down the gangway when we noticed him. He bore a distinct resemblance to the Michelin Man, obese beyond imagination but the furtive looks over his shoulder and the fact that he was ripping into one of the largest ham sandwiches you would ever see, gave him away. It was the ship's guest lecturer - Phil of the fifty banana a day diet and it dawned on us both at the same time that he had to be our man.

His huge shape was what had blocked all vision of the attack on the security videos. The give-away was the back pocket of his trousers bulging with ugly excess fat and from which you could just make out the outline of an audio cassette.

He was a fair way in front of us and before we could apprehend him, he noticed us and took flight landing on the dock with a thud that registered 6.5 on the Richter Scale.

The banana yellow Lamborghini Gallardo LP550-2 Spyder was waiting for him and we immediately recognised the young driver who was revving up the motor with a sense of urgency. He managed to prize his passenger inside (I'll never know how this feat was achieved so efficiently and expertly with a man that size but my guess was it had been rehearsed many times) and, with wheels screeching and the exhaust belching acrid gusts of smoke into the dockside air, they were on their way heading in the direction of The Rocks and the city centre.

Hot on their heels, we jumped into a waiting taxi and I pleaded to the driver,

"Follow that car, driver!"

He gave us an expressionless look indicating he failed to understand my request but fortunately, Redleg is a linguist of great cunning and possesses an expert knowledge of the Urdu language. Seconds later, our pursuit began and, though our quarry was at least a hundred metres ahead, I was confident I knew the place where the chase would take us.

Breakfast Point.

[Redleg 40,841]

Jack Watts just tweeted that he is bulking up on bananas as he doesn't want the club to have any tanking issues about him this year.

[old dee 23,781]

"Redleg is a linguist of great cunning and possesses an expert knowledge of the Urdu language."

Brilliant WJ

That starts this week on a high note.

[old dee 23,781]

"No it won't. The media is so lazy and so obsessed with Melbourne that they've become completely incapable of stringing together more than a few words on any subject without dropping in the obligatory reference to the Demons and the T word no matter what story they happen to be covering at the time:-"

You are correct but at least we only got a couple of lines in a page 3 story that had Lake getting 2/3 of a page.

I reckon this will get a lot more airplay this week.

[daisycutter 29,604]

keep 'em coming Jack....i can see a pullitzer in the offing

i'm confident you will find the holy grail

[daisycutter 29,604]

had the grandson (3yo) over today

we baked a banana cake (packet variety)

very nice it was too

[old dee 23,781]

had the grandson (3yo) over today

we baked a banana cake (packet variety)

very nice it was too

Bananas and Apricots off my own tree tonight for desert DC.

Apricots left to ripen on the tree have no equal.

Bloody delicious.

I will front up again tomorrow morning with same on my steel cut oats.

Grand children are just wonderful dc if I had known how good they were I would have had them first.

[daisycutter 29,604]

Bananas and Apricots off my own tree tonight for desert DC.

Apricots left to ripen on the tree have no equal.

Bloody delicious.

I will front up again tomorrow morning with same on my steel cut oats.

Grand children are just wonderful dc if I had known how good they were I would have had them first.

you have a fruiting banana tree in melbourne? you old green fingers you

quite agree re gc. just had a second one on boxing day - sean douglas brother to lucas patrick

and the best thing is their parents pick them up when you have had enough

[old dee 23,781]

you have a fruiting banana tree in melbourne? you old green fingers you

quite agree re gc. just had a second one on boxing day - sean douglas brother to lucas patrick

and the best thing is their parents pick them up when you have had enough

Caught me there dc, of course I do not have my own banana tree.

But I do have a GD, two years old and still thinks the sun shines out of PA.

She has a blue and red Teddy ( demon ), soft blue and red footy but I think I am fighting a losing battle.

Mum is Bombers and God forbid her father is a Pie.

[Biffen 12,940]

Caught me there dc, of course I do not have my own banana tree.

But I do have a GD, two years old and still thinks the sun shines out of PA.

She has a blue and red Teddy ( demon ), soft blue and red footy but I think I am fighting a losing battle.

Mum is Bombers and God forbid her father is a Pie.

Call DHS and get custody-accuse the parents of drug abuse or something and the kid is yours .

[old dee 23,781]

Call DHS and get custody-accuse the parents of drug abuse or something and the kid is yours .

I love her to death biffen but that is beyond the call of duty.

One new member is not worth that much labour.

[daisycutter 29,604]

bad luck for smoothie drinkers

but i think banana ones would be the exception - right?

[beelzebub 23,313]

Keep in mind they're proprietary smoothies ! Bound to be something in them. Am sure home made is fine. Lol

[H_T 3,043]

I think we should expect a little something everyday in the lead up to the meet and greet session. It's the nature of the beast.

Enjoy your cruise Redleg/WJ.

They've clearly been meeting our expectations for the last week. I'm expecting dribs and drabs right up until the bell rings.