The No T$ No B$ Thread

[bjDee 1,249]

And charges you for personal attention - in 6 minute time slots!

[Redleg 40,905]

Sitting next to Clarkson in a cafe. Keeping my phone out of site.

[Moonshadow 17,676]

Sitting next to Clarkson in a cafe. Keeping my phone out of site.

Give him an elbow for the team Red. You'll only get a slap on the wrist as penalty.

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

Sitting next to Clarkson in a cafe. Keeping my phone out of site.

Screaming "Go Demons!" at the top of your voice sounds like the go ...

[ManDee 7,134]

And charges you for personal attention - in 6 minute time slots!

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

[DemonFrog 1,354]

Biffo and BBO you are both needed in the Essendon Drugs thread as the place is infested with drug loving cult members.

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

I had to read that more than once to realise that the first line wasn't the punch line ...

[daisycutter 29,613]

I had to read that more than once to realise that the first line wasn't the punch line ...

yeah, must admit the credibility took a dive in the first sentence

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

yeah, must admit the credibility took a dive in the first sentence

Well, if we must have some lawyer jokes (twist my arm someone, please! .... WJ, Redleg, I think I will owe you both a drink after this!)

An old lady, knowing her time is nearing an end, calls her three most trusted people to her, her priest, her doctor and her lawyer, and gives them each $50,000 in cash. She gives them strict instructions to put the cash in her coffin before she is buried, as she has decided to take it with her into the afterlife. Each solemnly agrees to carry out her rather bizarre wish.

Later, after her funeral, the three of them are talking. The priest says "I have a confession to make. I don't know about you, but I only put $20,000 in the coffin. You see, we had this appeal to build a shelter for homeless kids, and we were $30,000 short of our target. I thought it would be such a waste just to bury all that money and see the homeless continue to sleep in the street. So I put $30,000 into the appeal, and $20,000 in the coffin". The doctor days "Well, I am glad you said that. I only put $30,000 in the coffin. We had an appeal for some new equipment for the children's hospital, and we were $20,000 short. Like you, I felt it was a waste to bury all that cash and see the kids miss out on the equipment they need. So I put $20,000 into the appeal, and $30,000 in the coffin". The lawyer is very angry, and screams his disgust at the other two. "You solemnly swore to put the money into the coffin! You betrayed that fine old lady's trust! You two should be ashamed of yourselves! No short-changing from me --- I put in a cheque for the full $50,000!"

Edited May 6, 2015 by Red and Bluebeard

[Biffen 12,943]

Having had the withering pleasure of meeting BBO and his metrosexual friend on Sunday morning i have only really now come to terms with the dangers of online chat forums such as this.

BBO had donned his arseless chaps for the Freo game ,and was intent on drinking a quick six pots or as they call it in Romsey ,morning tea.

He was also intent on dragging others into verbal confrontations with random strangers ,which must have prompted him to bring Moonshadow ,though one seriously has to wonder why.

Also in tow was the lovely and erudite Maple ,who must have fallen prey to the sick charms and crude invocations we all know uncle bitters is capable of.

Luckily ,Maple was three sheets to the wind upon arrival ,oblivious to the coarseness of her chaperones.She began the morning with a Midori mixed with Maple syrup and I'm quite surprised she didn't add sugar.

She managed to find a child that had lost it's parent and proceeded to feed it a procession of junk food which was just as well as the dirty little urchin looked as if it had been wandering the streets for some time.

I took the liberty of inviting a great legal mind along to defray any impositions the law might attempt to impose on such a likely crew.

Good job too.

Not long into the second quarter , Bitters began a slippery descent into a homophobic rant at the umpires ,an unfortunate Freo supporter who looked like he had ridden a fixie to the game with a little creatures pilsener stuffed in his beard,as well as at some men in front of us who were very well groomed.

Moonie decided to try to quell the gathering police presence by diverting attention to the football but at this stage he was virtually unconscious ,balthering about the Greens and composting and how we can change the world from our inner city terraces and a copy of Das Kapital.

Naturally ,i was the first arrested and while I waited for my lawyer to end the matter it appears Bitters had caused him some offence, and he refused to act on my behalf ever again.

Long story short ,BBO blamed me for the homophobic rants and had me arrested. Moonie disappeared back into his vege garden and Maple absconded with the child to sell it on ebay.

To top it off ,BBO refused to pay my bail so i was forced to spend the evening away from the Gat.

Never again.

[M C 221]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re assigned to hell.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they have got air conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on .. and — the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan on the telephone.
“So, how’s it going down there in hell?” God says.
“Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. There’s no telling what our engineer is going to come up with next!” Satan says.
“What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should have never gotten down there; send him back immediately!” God says.
“No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!” Satan says.
“Send him back up here or I’ll sue!” God says.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers:
“Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Edited May 6, 2015 by M C

[daisycutter 29,613]

this has become the no t$ no b$ no l$ thread

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

this has become the no t$ no b$ no l$ thread

There are those who say no b$ means no l$ ...

[Moonshadow 17,676]

Having had the withering pleasure of meeting BBO and his metrosexual friend on Sunday morning i have only really now come to terms with the dangers of online chat forums such as this.

BBO had donned his arseless chaps for the Freo game ,and was intent on drinking a quick six pots or as they call it in Romsey ,morning tea.

He was also intent on dragging others into verbal confrontations with random strangers ,which must have prompted him to bring Moonshadow ,though one seriously has to wonder why.

Also in tow was the lovely and erudite Maple ,who must have fallen prey to the sick charms and crude invocations we all know uncle bitters is capable of.

Luckily ,Maple was three sheets to the wind upon arrival ,oblivious to the coarseness of her chaperones.She began the morning with a Midori mixed with Maple syrup and I'm quite surprised she didn't add sugar.

She managed to find a child that had lost it's parent and proceeded to feed it a procession of junk food which was just as well as the dirty little urchin looked as if it had been wandering the streets for some time.

I took the liberty of inviting a great legal mind along to defray any impositions the law might attempt to impose on such a likely crew.

Good job too.

Not long into the second quarter , Bitters began a slippery descent into a homophobic rant at the umpires ,an unfortunate Freo supporter who looked like he had ridden a fixie to the game with a little creatures pilsener stuffed in his beard,as well as at some men in front of us who were very well groomed.

Moonie decided to try to quell the gathering police presence by diverting attention to the football but at this stage he was virtually unconscious ,balthering about the Greens and composting and how we can change the world from our inner city terraces and a copy of Das Kapital.

Naturally ,i was the first arrested and while I waited for my lawyer to end the matter it appears Bitters had caused him some offence, and he refused to act on my behalf ever again.

Long story short ,BBO blamed me for the homophobic rants and had me arrested. Moonie disappeared back into his vege garden and Maple absconded with the child to sell it on ebay.

To top it off ,BBO refused to pay my bail so i was forced to spend the evening away from the Gat.

Never again.

Biff, the only truth in this complete fiction is BBOs arseless chaps and your arrest. BTW, that child cost me way too much on eBay, might ask for a refund.

[Redleg 40,905]

Billy Stretch mentioned in the Australian today as being a chance to debut this week.

[ManDee 7,134]

Billy Stretch mentioned in the Australian today as being a chance to debut this week.

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

Footy talk is not banned in this thread. It just has a lot of competition ...

[Redleg 40,905]

Wrong thread red unless he is a lawyer wearing chaps.

No, there are only 2 banned topics on this thread and they are in the title.

[daisycutter 29,613]

at least no-one can be accused of breaking the second rule

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

at least no-one can be accused of breaking the second rule

Or rule number six ...

[Maple Demon 449]

Biff, the only truth in this complete fiction is BBOs arseless chaps and your arrest. BTW, that child cost me way too much on eBay, might ask for a refund.

Moonshadow, you are quite correct that there were some minor inaccuracies in young Biff's version of events. Between Bitter's complaints of the inferior, over-priced wine served in plastic cups, drunken behaviour, rants from all three of you about the inferior product on the field and the subsequent arrests of both Biff and Bitter, the poor child sitting next to us was rather frightened. I began to talk to him in hopes of redirecting his attention back to the game and away from the three of you....such a young mind had never seen such a display before! The young lad offered quite astute observations about the game and even identified one J Hogan as his fav player. His parents were rather grateful for my assistance and he went home with them a happy boy.

[Redleg 40,905]

Or rule number six ...

Rule6 was deleted and replaced by rule 6A as like many of our draft picks of the last few years it was unfit for its intended purpose.

[jazza 1,323]

Billy Stretch mentioned in the Australian today as being a chance to debut this week.

Done.

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

Rule6 was deleted and replaced by rule 6A as like many of our draft picks of the last few years it was unfit for its intended purpose.

There is no rule 6! I thought you knew that!

[Red and Bluebeard 2,084]

you say prosecution i say prost.......

And I say bottoms up ... didn't know you were a kraut