Mazer Rackham

How was he when the game started?

Maybe she's on performance enhancing drugs.

That's the exact reason why there won't be a team in Tassie.

There will have to be a gold rush, a mining boom, new offshore gas fields, and a multifunction polis in Tassie before they get a footy team.

You've got to play the long game with Collingwood. Now Eddie will feel vindicated and keep Buckley on.

Every time the Dorks get a goal, Buckley has this look on his face. "How the hell did they manage to score a goal?????" Like he's being Clayton Olivered every score.

Can't have this. Need Pies to get close enough to think they wuz robbed and have Eddie keep Buckley on.

Yes, it does sound absurd but understand I am paid to spread these fake rumours as the true ones that they deflect from are even more outrageous. I can't say too much about them but they involve a Swiss Jewish Muslim bank magnate posing as a drunken incoherent sports journalist who controls the World Government from a safe house funded by Rupert Murdoch. "They" have not got to me yet but I am hoping the Russians will try to recruit me as I hear they pay better. Presently I am hiding from both justice and vengeance in the UK embassy in Ecuador. I am hoping the "other" chick from Baywatch shows up as it does get quite lonely here. (Plus the wifi is nearly intolerable!) I can only assume "they" got to her too as she has not responded to any of my tweets. You'd think she would have seen at least one of the thousands I have twitted to her? If anyone knows can they drop a line to my (mostly) secure website Teddileaks.

Here's the AFL contemplating that very question.

There are a "lot" over at ology?

Oh, you and your fair "sporting" competition. It all sounds so unutterably dull, and unprofitable. How about ... Each match, the club sponsors can choose a player from the opposition who has to play with a handicap, chosen by kiddies who've entered a (sponsored) competition during the week. Handicap: wearing (Bolle) sunglasses, bricks (Boral) strapped to their feet, carrying a Faberge egg in one hand, etc. Each match, at half time a fan vote is taken. Winning player is awarded a car. Player can drive the car, in play, for the rest of the match. At each ground there is a secret Pokemon somewhere on the ground. Any player who can catch it (with their sponsored smart phone) gets a free shot on goal. During each match there will appear on the AFL web site, for a few seconds, a picture of a skull and crossbones. If a fan can click on it, they nominate a player who must sit out the rest of the match. The player is notified by the Tribunal Chairman, dressed up as the Grim Reaper, who walks out on to the ground and taps the player with his scythe. (Although hard to see how this can be monetised. Maybe sponsor the scythe.) Club captains can challenge each other to "double or nothing" on any shot on goal. Once per match. Power plays. Captains nominate a ten minute period where they get all 22 on the ground. Once per match. This is the future. Get with it or miss out (on the $$$$).

It's worse than that. The AFL media unit filmed the moon landings. It was supposed to be only for promotional purposes but got out because Alan Aylett was blackmailing J. Edgar Hoover. Also the World Trade Centre collapsed because it was made from second hand steel left over from when Waverley was demolished. Steel that the AFL knew was weakened from years of exposure to chip grease and tomato sauce!

The problem with wildcards, as seen in (eg) major league baseball, is that they can be easily "expanded" depending on the controlling powers' whim, to have more and more of them. Baseball season in the US is too long already, and they have introduced more wildcards which just prolongs the agony. If Gil pronounces his wildcard idea to be a success, before you know it, the team that finishes 11th will get the chance to knock off the team in 10th, in a "special wildcard" game. 12th will get a crack at 9th. Because it's "more exciting" (translation: generates more $$$$$$) Fluck off, Gil.

This is not really a "wildcard". (Check out any US sport that has them and you'll see why.) It's a final 10 with an extra week of elimination finals. More than half the teams make the finals. And who has been crying out for this? Writing letters to the AFL, hammering talkback lines, generating online petitions, ....... ? Anyone? Bueller? Gil sure has his priorities right. ($$$$$)

Yes, Gil is starting to make a few think this. Gil's accomplishments so far? Cheaper food at Etihad. Rules more confusing than ever. Twilight grand final (so we can better enjoy Meatloaf). "Wildcards". Good work, Gil. (Not.)

You haven't lived until you've played "adventure" or "rogue"

The AFL and the umpires directors (several in succession) have bought in to the idea that a factor in "interpreting" the rules is the look of the game as entertainment. Note AFL! The game managed to be entertaining and crowd pulling for many decades in spite of your meddling ... could it be that you DON'T NEED to meddle? But just as big an issue is the idea that there needs to be any "interpretation" at all. The rules of a game need to be "interpreted"? Then they are poorly written. And even more, last year (I haven't checked this year) the umps sent out to the clubs videos (posted on the AFL site) about how certain situations were going to be "interpreted" ... and there was nothing whatsoever in the rule book about those situations! Literally they were making up new rules!

No. No. I won't have it. They are not buffoons. They are fools and clowns. Big difference.

We need to keep this fellow at the club after he's retired as a player.

It's okay. Just wait for the biennial crackdown on runners, etc, on the ground. The AFL are strict and harsh! Then wait another two weeks for it to go right back to what it was before.

That was in the days when there weren't 36 players at a time inside the 50 arc. Hard for the umps to have eyes in the back of their heads; equally unfair to fine accidental contact and let off a deliberate shove. Let both incidents go or fine both. The way it's unfolded is a fair dinkum joke.

While we're at it, OldDee, are you a better kick than Viney?

On a site filled with demons and devils, you can't think of ANY WAY to "buy" them a break?

I reckon Tracc is carrying a knee that he got against Richmond. Will probably have it all season.

Yes, we're miles behind C'wood, who have the best one!