Mazer Rackham

Does he pass the character test? I mean, he's been up his mum and his legless sister and he thinks he's killed his old man.

I don't mind the variance. It's part of the skill of ruckwork, to be able to anticipate where the ball will fall, and part of that has always been to "clue-in" to the style of the umpire with the ball. My beef with thrown-ins is the stage management of waiting waiting until two ruckman are present, everyone in position ... lights camera action! WTF? Just throw the thing in! If one team doesn't have a ruckman ready, too bad. Nominate someone else. If the AFL really want the game flowing, have the boundary umps throw the thing in immediately they've got their hands on it. Yes, they have. And it doesn't seem to make any difference to anything.

That's a sound start in life for anyone

Stay strong. Eliminate these feelings resembling "sympathy". I don't recall anything but derision and contempt coming our way in our many years in the wilderness.

This stadium funding charade is a game of ticking boxes. Doesn't matter what your true intentions are, as long as you tick the right combination of boxes to unlock the $$$. Some clubs are very good at it. We are terrible.

This is a huge problem with many of the AFL rules. For reasons unknown, the umps do not enforce all the rules, only some of them, and the subset of rules that gets enforced changes throughout the season. Can you imagine any other sport suffering this nonsense? "It might have been offside, but I'm not in my offside phase at the moment." "You say the serve was out, but when considered from a postmodern perspective, what even IS 'out'? Can we not say that in some way, we are all 'out'?"

It is, but as can happen with all AFL rules, it's not currently in the collection of rules that is enforced each round. But fear not, it will get its turn. The AFL will eventually "bring on the sub" (in response to a high profile outcry) and this rule will once again have its day (even as another rule is spelled on the bench).

Then you see guys get the full force of another player's weight in the back -- from hands, knees, or the entire body -- SPLAT, ending up prone on the turf. Play on.

You're just trying to divert attention from the Ginnivan situation. It won't work.

These exact same things were being said 4 years ago. Some people just aren't cut out for it.

He didn't finish cleaning Goody's spa when he was supposed to. Also he was asked to put the lawn clippings on the rose garden but he went and put them into the green waste bin instead. Goody was furious.

Sydney are a "golden child" club, so their complaints are more likely to be listened to than, say, a minnow Victorian club with a champion ruckman who has a bruised head. Put another way, they are under the protection of the mob bosses, while certain other clubs are under suspicion, at least until they start bringing in more moolah.

But if you're Brad Scott, you can revel in it and sit back with a port and a cigar and enjoy the view as your players lay into the oppo.

The umps, being amateurs, and seemingly on board with the idea of being amateurs in an otherwise professional sport, get mixed in with a random group of umps every week. A professional organisation would take a professional approach and have fixed "teams" or "crews" of umps that train together and take the field together each week. (They do this in gridiron and baseball ... this is one area where we SHOULD copy the Americans!) They can then learn each others' styles and movements and don't need eyes in the back of their heads. As it is, they appear to be ball-bound with no-one watching what's going on off the ball. Professional umps, grouped into "crews", for a better umpiring experience that actually enforces all the rules and not just the ones the umps feel like, or have time for. The AFL of course has no interest in this as long as the mugs fans show up and Channel 7 pays $$$$$. What's it costing them?

Laws of the Game 2024 18.3 PROHIBITED CONTACT ... 18.3.3 Permitted Contact A Player may use their hip, shoulder, chest, arms or open hands provided that the football is no more than five metres away from the Player and the Player does not make Prohibited Contact as per Law 18.3.2 above. This rule is infringed at nearly every centre bounce.

They used to open for Spinal Tap. They gave up when they found their material had been plagiarised, uncredited, by Bon Jovi. The guitarist now works delivering school lunches and the drummer is a plasterer. They're talking about getting the band back together. Their new material is really strong, apparently!

The problem with losing either of May/Lever is that they are our generals in defence. It's like having an on-field coach. The problem with losing both of them is we also lose the on-field coach aspect. We're not exactly back in Frost/Oscar territory, but the cohesiveness our of defence relies on having at least one of them on the ground.

Is this reverse karma? Where the punishment happens before the crime?

Something like this?

Monday morning review meeting at Fox Sports. "Commentary horrendous?" "Check." "Didn't know basic facts about players?" "Check." "Obvious and pointless expert comments?" "Check." "Inane and meaningless expert comments?" "Check." "Butt-hurt former players musing out loud?" "What's 'musing'?" "Whingeing." "Check." "So five out of five. Again! Well done boys, see you next Mondee."

Nothing fixes off-season drama like wins on the scoreboard. Our guppy-brained media now have some new targets drifting into their viewfinders. Collingwood (but softly softly until it's obvious they can release both barrels), Crows, Lions, Bulldogs. It's a tremendously exciting time for them. And they always have us in reserve if we have some "off-field issues", ie, start losing.

Now we know where the real Kate Middleton is. Playing in the no 30 jersey for Melbourne. It makes sense if you think about it. (after spending 30+ hours straight on twitter and facebook)

Yes, it's the uncanny way he knows who's going to score the next goal, and manouvers to be near them, that impresses me. He must read the play better than anyone who's ever played the game! And still doesn't manage to rack up 40+ possies per match. I guess that speaks further to the selflessness of the guy.

Has my name been mentioned yet? Mason Cox for the big dumb henchman, swift to anger. Maynard in the opening sequence as a bad guy who gets his comeuppance. Eddie McGuire in a Bond parody movie as the evil mastermind.