THE CALL OF NATURE by Whispering Jack

Please forgive me for resorting to this but it has been a big wee(k) in the world of toilet humour. First there was Fev's performance a few days before Carlton's opening game of the season, then there was Kane Johnson's big effort in relieving himself on the St Kilda Road Police Station at the weekend but that wasn't the end of it!

The legend goes that a particular junior football coach would select a different captain to lead his under 10 football team each week. The day he chose young Freddie, he told his players to get behind their skipper and follow him out onto the ground and they followed their instructions to the letter. The problem was that little Freddie received the call of nature as he ran out onto the park and headed straight back to the conveniences … followed by twenty nine and ten year olds who dutifully stayed there until their skipper had relieved himself. Meanwhile, parents and friends, umpires, the oppositon team and one red-faced coach waited …

I always suspected that this story was untrue - that it was one of the urban myths of junior sport. It couldn’t have possibly happened that way, surely? Now I'm not so sure because I would never have believed what Melbourne dished out to its supporters yesterday either.

The Demons' abysmal performance was so reminiscent of those under 10's as to be uncanny. The skipper led them out and took them (and several thousand supporters) with him to the toilet. From go to whoa it was a deeply embarrassing display characterised by a lack of leadership – not just from Neita but from the entire leadership group who should be hanging their collective heads in shame today because, like Freddie's under 10's before his big match, they certainly left their coach and their supporters totally red-faced.

Indeed, the day highlighted what has been so patently obvious for a long time. The club's aging players have lost the drive and the zest needed to lead the younger members of the team by example in the heat of battle. The decision to retain as captain a player who has seen one too many afternoons and evenings of football and the general "oldish" nature of the leadership appeared a risky strategy when it was announced. It came home to roost yesterday in practice as an abysmal failure.

If the leadership group wants to show some leadership they should gather themselves together and fine every player the amount of their earnings and give the money to the Royal Children's Hospital. Then at least something good will have come from the day.

And some of them should prepare to see out the remainder of the season at Sandringham while the club starts the process of rebuilding its list and finding 22 players who have some pride in their performances as professional footballers.

There is no quick fix solution at a club with a broken list, no apparent game plan or the skills and desire to execute it if it existed. Perhaps now, I think I can understand the cloak of secrecy over training and why there have been so many sessions closed to the public over the off season. Were they hiding the panic and fear of the football department at the lack of skills and ability of the playing list or their own inability to do something about it? What have they been doing while the world wasn't watching?

The greatest insult delivered by those who wore the jumper yesterday was the lack of team spirit. Of all of the rubbish I have seen dished out by our club in the past, this was the most disappointing and not just because it happens to be the freshest in my memory. Where was the talking when player after player was run down by an opponent? Where was the effort like the one I saw from a virtually unknown Hawk defender Tom Murphy who, despite the fact that his team was more than 100 points ahead and it was late in the game, chased and caught Russell Robertson when a certain Demon goal beckoned? Here was a young kid from the opposition demonstrating more of what the game is about than our leadership group with a thousand games under its belt. Shameful!

If there is one silver lining on the horizon it is the fact that there are half a dozen players on the comeback trail after spending most of the pre-season recuperating from injury and one who was out yesterday (rightfully) suspended for disciplinary reasons. They might be a little underdone and lacking in match practice but they could not have done any worse than the 100 point flogging Melbourne received from Hawthorn yesterday. We need the football department to do what it failed to do in the past couple of years – to bite the bullet and start handing out some pink retirement slips to those who are resting on the laurels of the past. We desperately need to find and develop players on the list who have the pride and the fight and yes, … ahem … the shit in them to match it out on the ground with the other fifteen teams in the competition.

Hawthorn 5.5.35 7.10.52 15.12.102 23.16.154

Melbourne 1.1.7 1.5.11 2.10.22 6.14.50

Goals

Hawthorn Franklin 6 Roughead 3 Osborne 3 Dew 2 Boyle 2 Stokes 2 Campbell 2 Taylor Young Rioli

Melbourne Robertson 3 Green 2 Newton

Best

Hawthorn Bateman Franklin Mitchell Gilham Osborne Ladson Dew Birchall

Melbourne Jones P Johnson Moloney Buckley McLean and the doorkeeper.

Injuries

Hawthorn Croad (wrist)

Melbourne How do you suffer injuries when you're always five metres behind your opponents?

Reports Nil

Umpires Farmer Kennedy Nicholls

Crowd 40,141 at the MCG

Where was the effort like the one I saw from a virtually unknown Hawk defender Tom Murphy who, despite the fact that his team was more than 100 points ahead and it was late in the game, chased and caught Russell Robertson when a certain Demon goal beckoned? Here was a young kid from the opposition demonstrating more of what the game is about than our leadership group with a thousand games under its belt. Shameful!

Good get!

I have been a supporter all my life, but have only recently moved to within driving distance at least. So for 2 years, I have been considering becoming a member.

Yesterday is why I haven't - they are simply not professional. Most of Melbourne's salary cap was on the park yesterday - a lot of Hawthorn's was not. Yet it was Melbourne who were just an amateurish rabble; I doubt they would have beaten a good VFL side. So here's the rub: the Melbourne players should consider handing back their pay cheque for this week (after tax of course); if you don't do a job, you shouldn't be paid.

And you can add the coaching staff. Either the game plan is crap, or the players don't know it - either way the coaching staff have failed also.

So here's the challenge: players and coaching staff give back a weeks salary, and I'll become a member. At least I know they are being accountable and are accepting responsibility, not just talking.

It a disgrace that Bruce and White are two of our highest paid players

Espoecially Bruce.

At least White partakes in some physical contact ie. ruck contests

I have been a supporter all my life, but have only recently moved to within driving distance at least. So for 2 years, I have been considering becoming a member.

Slight correction - from what you've said you've been a barracker all your life, not a supporter. Two years considering becoming a member ? FFS, Luke Williams was a better decision maker than you.

The sad thing is that there are thousands of pea-hearts with an attitude like yours who will take yesterday as an excuse to decline supporting the club with their finances & their attendance. As if we don't have enough down-hill skiers in this club.

When the going gets tough you find out about people. Have a look at yourself Mono, chances are you won't need a full-length mirror.

If you want to be a supporter, join up & turn up.

Slight correction - from what you've said you've been a barracker all your life, not a supporter. Two years considering becoming a member ? FFS, Luke Williams was a better decision maker than you.

Fair enough Go the Biff (I remember Ray), I'm a barracker, not supporter.

But don't you think they should give the $'s back?

Pea-heart? - I'd say that's what Melbourne is full of at the moment; don't need another one Anyway, they won't get my hard-earned (I can't make games) until I see some professionalism.

Want some more examples of pea-heart? Try 198/9? (Balm was coach) - entrenched in top 4, 5 or 6 games to go, need to win 1 to make sure of getting in the finals, lost them all. Not much has changed in 20 years (or even 45 years, since Barassi left).

Why do I bother now? Well I've jumped off the team (and the AFL) a number of times over the years, but you can't take the blue-and-red out of the kid (had Bluey Adams 6 on my back as a kid). Wish you could - I was an ass-h round the house last night after the loss.

You, my friend, are the problem

Go and sign up now you weak bastard

You, my friend, are the problem

Go and sign up now you weak bastard

But don't you think they should give the $'s back?

All these people who say there not going to sign up are exactly the problem in my opinion and whilst we have such a terrible culture. It's simple when things are tough the tough get going, anyone who loves the club truly can see that.'

How is not signing up going to help a club that needs all the members it can get going to help.

We suck, yes. But become a member because the club, as a business, needs your support. Don't become a member to make them successful onfield, become a member because we need you to be.

Were you happy when we made the Grand Final in 2000? Or when we were top of the ladder in 2004? What about after that win against the Bulldogs in 2005 to get us into the finals? If you didn't care then, then don't become a member. But if you did, please support the Club now, when we need it the most. It's people like you that must support the Demons when we're down.

We suck, yes. But become a member because the club, as a business, needs your support. Don't become a member to make them successful onfield, become a member because we need you to be.

Hi Calabreseboy, by professional, I mean that they are competitive, not necessarily to win. Some of those players running around yesterday get $500K plus pa - say $10K per week. Can they honestly look themselves in the mirror, and say they earned it?

So, don't you think they should give the $'s back?

Accountability will start when $'s are involved.

Well I would like to see the players (and possibly the coaching staff) give back a percentage of their pay for such a pathetic effort...but I doubt it would happen.

But as the other Melbourne SUPPORTERS have said in this post you NEED to sign up Mono!

Why? You may ask? Because if we don't have LOYAL supporters (who will be there through thick and thin) then as a Club the Demons will NEVER improve because we won't ever have enough money!

Put your money where you mouth is Mono and SIGN UP as a Demons member!

Well I would like to see the players (and possibly the coaching staff) give back a percentage of their pay for such a pathetic effort...but I doubt it would happen.

If enough noise was made. Hey moderator, what about a survey/poll?

Put your money where you mouth is Mono and SIGN UP as a Demons member!

I'll consider it. Hey that's better than where I was last nite! :angry:

Club needs supporters at the moment, it's pretty simple. Support financially, buy a country membership even and give up buying 2 or 3 cartons of beer, chuck in the ciggies or go without buying the penthouse black label subscription and put the funds into the MFC. If we don't get supporters rather than fairweather frontrunning barrackers, our team may not be around to enjoy the good times. We have a lot of passionate supporters, but we need more.

I travelled from Tasmania to watch yesterdays game, stayed the whole game and left disappointed. But I'll be planted on the couch next week to watch the game against the Dogs, ever optimistic. We sucked yesterday, but it really can't get any worse. This will most likely be the only game I can get to this year. I have a country membership and never hesitate renewing since I joined five years ago. Many people out there would earn more than me. Surely people can give up a few luxuries to get behind the team. Hell if I pushed it I could probably get a full membership.

I bet the players feel a lot worse than we do, some may think the $$$ softens the blow, but I bet they feel humiliated after yesterday. And they should.

Hi Calabreseboy, by professional, I mean that they are competitive, not necessarily to win. Some of those players running around yesterday get $500K plus pa - say $10K per week. Can they honestly look themselves in the mirror, and say they earned it?

So, don't you think they should give the $'s back?

Accountability will start when $'s are involved.

I agree to an extent. We invest in the club and in return we deserve something back. Not monetary value, but something more pure (ie. a flag and success). But it's a catch 22. Without that investment, we can't win that flag because we don't have the money to support the players to condition them to win. But then they don't win and we don't give them that investment anyway. Understand? You need to invest. Without the investment, you won't have reason to invest. If that makes sense...

ron barrassi said it

professional or amateur has nothing to do with money

it has to do with the total eradication of mistakes - or at least the endeavour to eradicate all mistakes.

"professional" footballers they are not

I have been a supporter all my life, but have only recently moved to within driving distance at least. So for 2 years, I have been considering becoming a member.

Yesterday is why I haven't - they are simply not professional. Most of Melbourne's salary cap was on the park yesterday - a lot of Hawthorn's was not. Yet it was Melbourne who were just an amateurish rabble; I doubt they would have beaten a good VFL side. So here's the rub: the Melbourne players should consider handing back their pay cheque for this week (after tax of course); if you don't do a job, you shouldn't be paid.

And you can add the coaching staff. Either the game plan is crap, or the players don't know it - either way the coaching staff have failed also.

So here's the challenge: players and coaching staff give back a weeks salary, and I'll become a member. At least I know they are being accountable and are accepting responsibility, not just talking.

and you go to the snow every weekend go to the pub after hitting the slopes to watch the last quarter of the match?

look at some of the most promising clubs this year...becoming a member is not just about money for the players, what about our facilities? what about our expenses? oh yeah i forgot, what about our $2,000,000 debt!

collingwood--have more members, have more fans than any other victorian club and have by far the best facilities...to add to that, they have a real tilt at the premiership this year. more fans and more members means more television coverage, means more money from sponsors, means $$$$$$$$$

look at the interstate clubs and geelong...have loyal supporters and lots of members, hence their power in modern day footy

hawthorn--since the almost merge in 1996, have got their act togethor. lots of members, can pull 40000 to a match against melbourne (not a bad effort on their behalf). they are killing us in membership

this club needs people to regardless of how annoyed they are with the on field performance, buy a membership and go to matches. FFS, i am very annoyed with the way we played, as is EVERY melbourne supporter, and it is great that you live closer and will be able to go to more matches, but we cant sit here and complain unless we are doing something ourselves to help

But don't you think they should give the $'s back?

FFS

NO

Fair enough Go the Biff (I remember Ray), I'm a barracker, not supporter.

But don't you think they should give the $'s back?

Pea-heart? - I'd say that's what Melbourne is full of at the moment; don't need another one Anyway, they won't get my hard-earned (I can't make games) until I see some professionalism.

Want some more examples of pea-heart? Try 198/9? (Balm was coach) - entrenched in top 4, 5 or 6 games to go, need to win 1 to make sure of getting in the finals, lost them all. Not much has changed in 20 years (or even 45 years, since Barassi left).

Why do I bother now? Well I've jumped off the team (and the AFL) a number of times over the years, but you can't take the blue-and-red out of the kid (had Bluey Adams 6 on my back as a kid). Wish you could - I was an ass-h round the house last night after the loss.

you and others alike make me so angry! you dont even deserve to post you're thoughts on this website. Get the dollars back?????? how about the feeling knowing that when the oldest proudest club in history needed ur support u were there to help, or would you rather be one those fools who doesnt practice what he preches. i live in Perth and am so proud to have my melbourne member 2008 sticker on the back of my car and cope [censored] from everyone that sees it cos i know that when our club is financially stable and successful it will be the peopl like myself who helped built the foundation. Ur a joke if you dont sign up this week!

I didnt inherit the DEES from my parents but chose to barrack for them in 1971 at the grand old age of 20. I had just moved to Melb from everywhere. I am a paid up member and have been for 21 years. That done you people out there will know where I am coming from and have been to alot of MFC shockers before and will proberly go to many more.

I was there Sunday and I will be there next Saturaday yelling and schreaming like a 2 bob watch. I have just about calmed down and now will only have the pity at work tomorrow to get through.

No suprises yesterday, we played like that preseason,[some players did]. i believe we were let down by our senior players,big suprise there.Selection day for next Saturadays team will be Baileys big test, does he play players on form,effort and having a go or on reputation?

If on form etc Yze, Neitz, white, millar must go, have them try on their Zebra suits. now before linching me I am not having a go at them personally but on their form go back and try to recapture it. But alas I think reputation will win out. Are we serious about winning the GF this year or next, NO, well lets see what we have, have a good look at our new players for several weeks not as I suspect demote them after one go (WEETRA).

Players age and lose that extra something that made them so good, lets enjoy their reign but dont lets have them leaving the field as an object to pity.If the only reason to have some players in the seniors is they gave great service to the club we are doing them an injustice.

I also like the idea posted somewhere else on this site that we should have the players playing in the alternate strip until they can honour the RED AND BLUE with their onfield actions.

you and others alike make me so angry!

Why? Because I don't blindly give a tick to anything Melbourne the club does, or feel there is nothing I can do about it? If I don't barrack for/support Melbourne, I don't watch AFL; simple as that. But why don't you all question/challenge employees (ie players, coaches, admin) who do not do their job. Draw a line in the sand. Put their $'s where their mouth's are. Why is that so hard to take on. Bloody simple to me. They were pathetic and should be ashamed to take $'s for their effort.

Oh, and my cheque is in the post for membership this week. You'll have to trust me on that one.

This forum is currently full of comments about how poorly the team has performed, that they have set a new generational low. SO RING THE CLUB AND DEMAND THEY GIVE A WEEKS WAGES BACK. If nothing else it will help when the club has to fork over $100K when home games at MCG fall below 20,000, which will be often.

Go on, I challenge you.

FFS

NO

For heaven's sake grow up. Since when should people throw (large) amounts of $'s at something, with no accountability. Remember, Melbourne has the same salary cap as Geelong (or St Kilda, Collingwood, Essendon ..........).

and you go to the snow every weekend go to the pub after hitting the slopes to watch the last quarter of the match?

Nope. Been to the snow twice in my life (day visits, neither time to ski, can't ski). I'm a salary earner like most of you, and have had 2 (modest) holidays in the past 6+ years. Got a family, and like most of us, $'s are in short supply.

Why would you ask for the club not to pay the players, they under performed agreed but they give me entertainment regardless if they win, loss or draw even if they get thumped. I get great value out of my membership and supporting the MFC. The players know they played crap and if they don't improve they won't get paid next year by the MFC because they will be delisted/traded or forced into retirement.

Why would you ask for the club not to pay the players, they under performed agreed but they give me entertainment regardless if they win, loss or draw even if they get thumped. I get great value out of my membership and supporting the MFC. The players know they played crap and if they don't improve they won't get paid next year by the MFC because they will be delisted/traded or forced into retirement.

No, the club should/must play the players, coaches etc. What I am suggesting is that they give a weeks wages (after tax) back. Wait til end of year? Club might be in $5M debt by then, not $2.5M

If everyone thought like you my dear dolt we'd have no club to vent our far ranging emotions.

It's on the back of paying supporters that even gives you the opportunity to express your 'well considered' opinion. But be comforted by the fact that 'you' are many.

Unfortunately.