Well what a [censored] disaster the footy was!! Your poor (now poorer) old Uncle Bitter was very confident of a win and, consequently, put a shiteload on the dees.

Thankfully, I watched the disaster unfold from The Manor but at certain moments had temper issues and threw objects!!

Well that caused mayhem - The Lads scattered, the dog [censored] on the floor and my missiles ( cans) damaged the walls.

The squeeze is really [censored] off and it is likely that your uncle will be denied any er...... relationship pleasures for some considerable time.

The only thing that would cheer me now is another's misfortune. Something along the lines of dc getting the pox or picket breaking a leg

 

1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well what a [censored] disaster the footy was!! Your poor (now poorer) old Uncle Bitter was very confident of a win and, consequently, put a shiteload on the dees.

Thankfully, I watched the disaster unfold from The Manor but at certain moments had temper issues and threw objects!!

Well that caused mayhem - The Lads scattered, the dog [censored] on the floor and my missiles ( cans) damaged the walls.

The squeeze is really [censored] off and it is likely that your uncle will be denied any er...... relationship pleasures for some considerable time.

The only thing that would cheer me now is another's misfortune. Something along the lines of dc getting the pox or picket breaking a leg

 

Or our moral compass getting 6 months in the cooler?

2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well what a [censored] disaster the footy was!! Your poor (now poorer) old Uncle Bitter was very confident of a win and, consequently, put a shiteload on the dees.

Thankfully, I watched the disaster unfold from The Manor but at certain moments had temper issues and threw objects!!

Well that caused mayhem - The Lads scattered, the dog [censored] on the floor and my missiles ( cans) damaged the walls.

The squeeze is really [censored] off and it is likely that your uncle will be denied any er...... relationship pleasures for some considerable time.

The only thing that would cheer me now is another's misfortune. Something along the lines of dc getting the pox or picket breaking a leg

 

Dear Uncle, I likewise had similar experience, but I have invested in a really good, Theraputic and Anti Cathartic device for just such occasion.

I ventuerd to Clarke Rubber and purchased a small piece of high density Foam! What I did was cut out a TV Remote control copy and drew a few dials on it, thus resembling a TV remote. When objectionable footy is played I duly hurl this said remote at the screen! This causes instant relief, a calming of Blood pressure and most importantly saves on buying a new TV every other week the DEES go shizen!! 

Go On try It!!

Edited July 18, 20169 yr by picket fence

2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well what a [censored] disaster the footy was!! Your poor (now poorer) old Uncle Bitter was very confident of a win and, consequently, put a shiteload on the dees.

Thankfully, I watched the disaster unfold from The Manor but at certain moments had temper issues and threw objects!!

Well that caused mayhem - The Lads scattered, the dog [censored] on the floor and my missiles ( cans) damaged the walls.

The squeeze is really [censored] off and it is likely that your uncle will be denied any er...... relationship pleasures for some considerable time.

The only thing that would cheer me now is another's misfortune. Something along the lines of dc getting the pox or picket breaking a leg

 

Or me running into my Triad money lenders who I knew nothing about until your recent trip to Asia! 

But however I have been agile enough to avoid because I am in the FNQ tropics! 

Edited July 18, 20169 yr by Earl Hood

i just watched a rerun of the brady bunch to calm me down and fantasised over bananas

9 hours ago, daisycutter said:

i just watched a rerun of the brady bunch to calm me down and fantasised over bananas

As Freud might not say.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

but I reckon you would be right into that apron on Alce given half a chance .

14 hours ago, picket fence said:

Dear Uncle, I likewise had similar experience, but I have invested in a really good, Theraputic and Anti Cathartic device for just such occasion.

I ventuerd to Clarke Rubber and purchased a small piece of high density Foam! What I did was cut out a TV Remote control copy and drew a few dials on it, thus resembling a TV remote. When objectionable footy is played I duly hurl this said remote at the screen! This causes instant relief, a calming of Blood pressure and most importantly saves on buying a new TV every other week the DEES go shizen!! 

Go On try It!!

I imagine you have a number and variety of such ..... er  "devices" picket!

14 hours ago, Earl Hood said:

Or me running into my Triad money lenders who I knew nothing about until your recent trip to Asia! 

But however I have been agile enough to avoid because I am in the FNQ tropics! 

Let us hope your agility continues Earl.

This little piece of arcane information may assist you in that regard. Hatchet Man - "late 19th century (originally US): figuratively, from an early use denoting a hired Chinese assassin"

BTW Earl if you think any of the Hood female household needs a safe refuge during your difficult times, your ever reliable Uncle Bitter will welcome them into the bosom of Romsey Manor.

6 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Let us hope your agility continues Earl.

This little piece of arcane information may assist you in that regard. Hatchet Man - "late 19th century (originally US): figuratively, from an early use denoting a hired Chinese assassin"

BTW Earl if you think any of the Hood female household needs a safe refuge during your difficult times, your ever reliable Uncle Bitter will welcome them into the bosom of Romsey Manor.

I presume you are prepared to shower the bosom before proffering it to poor Conchita and associated Earl skullery maids?

1 hour ago, Biffen said:

I presume you are prepared to shower the bosom before proffering it to poor Conchita and associated Earl skullery maids?

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour  of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

47 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour  of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

uncle, were those your lads in the aami alpaca ad who managed to scare the sheila into disrobing? the occupants of the car seemed to be earl and conchita but i'm not sure.

 

Edited July 19, 20169 yr by daisycutter

44 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour  of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

Dear Uncle, I notice that Basil Rathbone features as a Favourite! Would you like to comment on the esoteric and after hours activities of Prince Albert V around the turn of the Century, given you are a Historian of Note?!!

( I know what you are thinking, Fence out of left Field)!

Edited July 19, 20169 yr by picket fence

hey DC  might be a good time to clean out your message box

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man 

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

22 hours ago, picket fence said:

Dear Uncle, I notice that Basil Rathbone features as a Favourite! Would you like to comment on the esoteric and after hours activities of Prince Albert V around the turn of the Century, given you are a Historian of Note?!!

( I know what you are thinking, Fence out of left Field)!

arhh picket ! Like all lunatics you sometimes hit the mark! I must say I have no particular interest in Prince Albert. However, I'll admit there is much speculation about his nocturnal activities.

As to Basil - my interest in him stems from his wonderful portrayal of the great detective. The films were largely inaccurate but Rathbone fit the Sherlock character better than any other.

In fact I have quite a collection of Basil Rathbone memorabilia!

Now here's a dark secret just for you picket. One of my many fantasies was to be a rich factory/sweathouse owner in the Victorian era. 

Make of that what you will!! 

1 hour ago, beelzebub said:

hey DC  might be a good time to clean out your message box

roger, just did

15 minutes ago, america de cali said:

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man 

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Now then adc, I'm going to insist that you present yourself to Stuie for a spanking!!

Your "humour" is unwelcome on this intellectual thread as it is clearly degrading to the fair sex. I'm sure righteous posters such as ..... dc ... well perhaps not dc . Maybe Biffen ... (no he runs a brothel) ...

Well anyway it will offend someone.

In any event singling out ostriches in a derogatory comparison to the fair sex is also patently unfair. The Society for the Protection of Ostriches will be after you.

Actually I believe our Green voter maybe offended. Sort it out with him!

 

19 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Now then adc, I'm going to insist that you present yourself to Stuie for a spanking!!

Your "humour" is unwelcome on this intellectual thread as it is clearly degrading to the fair sex. I'm sure righteous posters such as ..... dc ... well perhaps not dc . Maybe Biffen ... (no he runs a brothel) ...

Well anyway it will offend someone.

In any event singling out ostriches in a derogatory comparison to the fair sex is also patently unfair. The Society for the Protection of Ostriches will be after you.

Actually I believe our Green voter maybe offended. Sort it out with him!

 

sigh...you protest too much mon  ami. He's at least trying,..Others are just.....trying.... cut him slack I pray of you ...no ?

America de Cali's joke seems to have evoked the Bitter one into a state of intellectual revolt.

His 19thC Textile factory wistfulness plays out in his every day life you see.

He will not be told how many children to make a bale of yarn or a yard of cotton .He knows exactly the Haberdashing Industries  and associated perks as well as  a good Horse trainer knows how to Rodger sense into a dull stable hand.

Edited July 20, 20169 yr by Biffen

what he said..^^^^^^.......( no idea...but  rah rah )

2 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

what he said..^^^^^^.......( no idea...but  rah rah )

Well since its a slow night BB .

How about we tell some jokes.

A man walks into a bar ,which could happen to anyone ,just seems to happen to Greens voters quite a bit more often.Usually in a public park.

Just now, Biffen said:

Well since its a slow night BB .

How about we tell some jokes.

A man walks into a bar ,which could happen to anyone ,just seems to happen to Greens voters quite a bit more often.Usually in a public park.

well for starters if the Greens .."A Person ( of no particular persuasion ) ambles along. unfortunately unknown to this person was an unfinished, unsigned and unbarricaded  obstacle , as obviously , without needing announcement , left behind because of ambivalent social doctrines.

Interesting is it not that Green is used for  'back screens' because it actually represent NOTHING on the spectrum

 

Now in other gnus    a man thinks...therefore he is........set upon.   film @ 11

A young guy, lets call him Biffo, was hired for the construction site, and the foreman thought he'd better keep an eye on him, he didn't look all that bright.

As the morning's work went on, he noticed that about half the time, when the fellow took a nail out of his pouch, he'd throw it on the ground with a frustrated look.

Interested, the foreman picked up a few of the nails the guy had thrown away...they were fine, nothing wrong with them. So he said, "Why are you throwing away half of your nails?" And the young guy said, "The heads are on the wrong end!"

The foreman said, "You idiot, just save them for the other side of the house!"

Why did the the fish get kicked out school?

1 A peanut walks into a bar and gets Assaulted!!

2 Why did Snoop Dog carry a Raincoat??

Fo Drizzle! ( In correct RAP honky jive talk accent!)

Edited July 21, 20169 yr by picket fence