The No T$ No B$ Thread

[ManDee 7,124]

FMD!! Things are quiet! I can understand the unscrupulous lawyers not posting ... but where is everyone else?

Well ...

Biffen is doing porn

Moonshadow is doing himself

OD is doing his teeth

dc is doing oldies

Earl hood is doing the cheap free trade coffee palaces.

R and bluebeard is singing soprano in a choir.

I notice fautly det has been posting - well he'd be blowing himself.

And as for Doctor Hopping Dick - FMD.

Anyway that's just the posters over the last few days!!! Bunch of weirdos .. And people reckon I'm a pervert!! FMD I'm not even in the game.

Intentional tautology?

Perhaps the unscrupulous is redundant. I think you have the rest nailed.

[Moonshadow 17,541]

If it's ok with you Uncle Bitters I'd rather not. Nothing personal, but you're not really my type.

Not anyone's type really.

[bjDee 1,249]

Not anyone's type really.

Well, maybe comic sans, or wingdings....

[daisycutter 29,336]

Well, maybe comic sans, or wingdings....

or fraktur?

[Bitter but optimistic 22,065]

or fraktur?

or fracture her!!

[Biffen 12,829]

Not anyone's type really.

Wrong type?

[Earl Hood 6,057]

Avoiding beggars and street people hopefully.

Well BBO I tried to but things turned out not as I expected today. After my business breakfast at Wild Timor Coffee House I was supposed to be met by my best man in a 4 tonne truck to drive out to Tullamarine Airport. But he when he didn't arrive I had to track him down and found him finally half cut in my Thifty rental truck and not making any sense. So there was nothing for it but for me to jump in the drivers seat and set forth for Tullamarine in the rain and peak hour traffic driving this unresponsive hulk of a vehicle, with Parker snoring beside me. I get to The freight storage centre gate but they won't let me in without Customs papers, so I have to reverse the beast with no help and pull into the car park and all I get is abuse from these appalling hairy men in singlets who drive big trucks! What is their problem, surely if they see a smaller truck with Thrifty written all over it, they know to steer clear, anything could happen. Anyway after being informed Customs would not be available for 2 hours I set off for a coffee at Maccas but then found it is impossible to park a truck in Maccas at Tulla so headed off on the freeway and found myself opposite Gladstone Park Shopping Centre in a Maccas! I ordered a latte to have here and was given a half litre mug of grey coloured milk, with a hint of coffee flavour, what is that about? Anyway I was definitely doing my bit and pressing the flesh with the ordinary people at this stage.

Back to Tulla and finally Customs clears my consignment of cargo from Egypt, but not after he had a good look at the sarcophagus and the Greco Roman statues, all above board of course, really why do they waste our tax payers money and my time. I mean why even question my statue of Zenobia from Palmyra as if I am some antiquities thief! Really. Anyway in retrospect what a day it has been and Parker is still [censored] so must provide some constructive feedback at our next performance review meeting.

[daisycutter 29,336]

Well BBO I tried to but things turned out not as I expected today. After my business breakfast at Wild Timor Coffee House I was supposed to be met by my best man in a 4 tonne truck to drive out to Tullamarine Airport. But he when he didn't arrive I had to track him down and found him finally half cut in my Thifty rental truck and not making any sense. So there was nothing for it but for me to jump in the drivers seat and set forth for Tullamarine in the rain and peak hour traffic driving this unresponsive hulk of a vehicle, with Parker snoring beside me. I get to The freight storage centre gate but they won't let me in without Customs papers, so I have to reverse the beast with no help and pull into the car park and all I get is abuse from these appalling hairy men in singlets who drive big trucks! What is their problem, surely if they see a smaller truck with Thrifty written all over it, they know to steer clear, anything could happen. Anyway after being informed Customs would not be available for 2 hours I set off for a coffee at Maccas but then found it is impossible to park a truck in Maccas at Tulla so headed off on the freeway and found myself opposite Gladstone Park Shopping Centre in a Maccas! I ordered a latte to have here and was given a half litre mug of grey coloured milk, with a hint of coffee flavour, what is that about? Anyway I was definitely doing my bit and pressing the flesh with the ordinary people at this stage.

Back to Tulla and finally Customs clears my consignment of cargo from Egypt, but not after he had a good look at the sarcophagus and the Greco Roman statues, all above board of course, really why do they waste our tax payers money and my time. I mean why even question my statue of Zenobia from Palmyra as if I am some antiquities thief! Really. Anyway in retrospect what a day it has been and Parker is still [censored] so must provide some constructive feedback at our next performance review meeting.

that zenobia staue seems nice earl. picked up a few relics myself lately from palmyra. great prices too.

[Dr John Dee 1,057]

that zenobia staue seems nice earl. picked up a few relics myself lately from palmyra. great prices too.

There you go, boasting about your s-x life again.

[daisycutter 29,336]

There you go, boasting about your s-x life again.

just trying to build up my cv so i can qualify to emigrate to hopping dicks creek, doc

it's a race against the grim reaper though

[Dr John Dee 1,057]

just trying to build up my cv so i can qualify to emigrate to hopping dicks creek, doc

it's a race against the grim reaper though

All disreputables welcome here, Daisy. We’ve recently suffered an invasion of small hordes of true (sic) believers for whom their god hath builded pristine white houses with pristine white sheds and pristine white letterboxes. We need whatever help we can get in returning the valley to the paths of unrighteousness.

I had thought BBO might be just the sort of immigrant we need since he could correct the balance with his unique collection of iniquities; but his little outburst of Weltschmerz the other day makes me fear he may be a prime candidate for religious conversion.

[Biffen 12,829]

I have been sourcing parcels from Lebanon and Bucharest myself.

Fine reputable men who are happy to part with Phoenician and Thracian clay pots and the like to help boost the economy back home.

Most of their stuff is really old, so they are in need of an upgrade.

The freaks in Armadale love it and I make nearly double what I pay so win-win.

(After removing contents from said pots).

The antiques game is a doddle.

Iniquities is another story, one I have a talent for.

Earl- you are clearly doing things the wrong way- Customs is best treated like homosexuality in the armed forces-don't ask-don't tell.

[daisycutter 29,336]

All disreputables welcome here, Daisy. We’ve recently suffered an invasion of small hordes of true (sic) believers for whom their god hath builded pristine white houses with pristine white sheds and pristine white letterboxes. We need whatever help we can get in returning the valley to the paths of unrighteousness.

I had thought BBO might be just the sort of immigrant we need since he could correct the balance with his unique collection of iniquities; but his little outburst of Weltschmerz the other day makes me fear he may be a prime candidate for religious conversion.

that's very encouraging to know, doc, but disappointing to hear the philistines are on the move and gentrifying such a gem of colonial heritage.

seeing as romsey is victoria's equivalent to hopping dick creek i don't think bitters would be too tempted to make such an odyssey

i've also been keeping an eye on happy dicks creek just over the border. it's appealing to an ageing chap as all that hopping is playing hell with my knees.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,065]

There you go, boasting about your s-x life again.

Nice whack.

Well BBO I tried to but things turned out not as I expected today. After my business breakfast at Wild Timor Coffee House I was supposed to be met by my best man in a 4 tonne truck to drive out to Tullamarine Airport. But he when he didn't arrive I had to track him down and found him finally half cut in my Thifty rental truck and not making any sense. So there was nothing for it but for me to jump in the drivers seat and set forth for Tullamarine in the rain and peak hour traffic driving this unresponsive hulk of a vehicle, with Parker snoring beside me. I get to The freight storage centre gate but they won't let me in without Customs papers, so I have to reverse the beast with no help and pull into the car park and all I get is abuse from these appalling hairy men in singlets who drive big trucks! What is their problem, surely if they see a smaller truck with Thrifty written all over it, they know to steer clear, anything could happen. Anyway after being informed Customs would not be available for 2 hours I set off for a coffee at Maccas but then found it is impossible to park a truck in Maccas at Tulla so headed off on the freeway and found myself opposite Gladstone Park Shopping Centre in a Maccas! I ordered a latte to have here and was given a half litre mug of grey coloured milk, with a hint of coffee flavour, what is that about? Anyway I was definitely doing my bit and pressing the flesh with the ordinary people at this stage.

Back to Tulla and finally Customs clears my consignment of cargo from Egypt, but not after he had a good look at the sarcophagus and the Greco Roman statues, all above board of course, really why do they waste our tax payers money and my time. I mean why even question my statue of Zenobia from Palmyra as if I am some antiquities thief! Really. Anyway in retrospect what a day it has been and Parker is still [censored] so must provide some constructive feedback at our next performance review meeting.

Well it seems as though you had quite a spiffing adventure Earl. However, it seems to me you have been too generous with your staff. I mean .. what is the good of having servants if they are not servile? I suggest a few thrashings to encourage proper lickspittling

Now as to these sarcocophagi you have "imported" - I presume you will not be sharing the details with your "free trade" friends. And where will you display them? Will your good lady's herbarium have to make way?

I suppose I could provide some short term storage at the Manor but antiquities don't fit with my more post - apocalyptic layout.

But each to his own in such matters of course.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,065]

All disreputables welcome here, Daisy. We’ve recently suffered an invasion of small hordes of true (sic) believers for whom their god hath builded pristine white houses with pristine white sheds and pristine white letterboxes. We need whatever help we can get in returning the valley to the paths of unrighteousness.

I had thought BBO might be just the sort of immigrant we need since he could correct the balance with his unique collection of iniquities; but his little outburst of Weltschmerz the other day makes me fear he may be a prime candidate for religious conversion.

As usual, it seems, I have to be the whipping boy.

Recently Biffen, a beastly fellow at best, described certain aspects of my behaviour as "putrid" - can you believe that?

And now Dr, Hopping Dick uses some kraut swear word to offend my good self.

[Red and Bluebeard 2,075]

that's very encouraging to know, doc, but disappointing to hear the philistines are on the move and gentrifying such a gem of colonial heritage.

seeing as romsey is victoria's equivalent to hopping dick creek i don't think bitters would be too tempted to make such an odyssey

i've also been keeping an eye on happy dicks creek just over the border. it's appealing to an ageing chap as all that hopping is playing hell with my knees.

Sounds like a great opportunity to set up a Museum of Dodgy Antiquities in Hopping Dicks Creek. Earl and Biff seem to have a handle on supplying the goods, Dr John can curate it and BBO and DC organise exhibitions of relevant artefacts. Win-win-win!

[Redleg 40,196]

17 & 9 & 20

No one Bitts is more sane than the Countdown Master.

[Biffen 12,829]

As usual, it seems, I have to be the whipping boy.

Recently Biffen, a beastly fellow at best, described certain aspects of my behaviour as "putrid" - can you believe that?

And now Dr, Hopping Dick uses some kraut swear word to offend my good self.

The search for new superlatives continues....

Why should contain ourselves to English.

[Dr John Dee 1,057]

17 & 9 & 20

No one Bitts is more sane than the Countdown Master.

That is simply taken for granted by all on this thread, Mr Leg.

[Dr John Dee 1,057]

Sounds like a great opportunity to set up a Museum of Dodgy Antiquities in Hopping Dicks Creek. Earl and Biff seem to have a handle on supplying the goods, Dr John can curate it and BBO and DC organise exhibitions of relevant artefacts. Win-win-win!

No opportunity should be sneezed at, R&B, although when it comes to dodgy artworks we have a preference for the nineteenth century.

I refer you to our last brush (so to speak) with fake artistic fame: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/06/30/1088488031771.html?from=storylhs

(Hopping Dicks Creek is aka Limpinwood ... you may spot the third-class pun)

[Dr John Dee 1,057]

As usual, it seems, I have to be the whipping boy.

Recently Biffen, a beastly fellow at best, described certain aspects of my behaviour as "putrid" - can you believe that?

And now Dr, Hopping Dick uses some kraut swear word to offend my good self.

So you don't deny the temptation to abjure your fleshly ways, Uncle Bitters?

[Red and Bluebeard 2,075]

No opportunity should be sneezed at, R&B, although when it comes to dodgy artworks we have a preference for the nineteenth century.

I refer you to our last brush (so to speak) with fake artistic fame: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/06/30/1088488031771.html?from=storylhs

(Hopping Dicks Creek is aka Limpinwood ... you may spot the third-class pun)

Plenty of interesting phrases in that artcile, Dr John. "Toes that gave it away", "barely worthy of a junks shop" and probably my favourite "like something you'd find in a doctor's surgery". I think he is probably stretching things by stating that "I'm not even sure that Cezanne could speak English, let alone write about a man in Calcutta," .. who knows what he got up to in his spare time?

BTW I thought some maps showed Hopping Dicks Creek as Kangaroo Richard Waters ...

[daisycutter 29,336]

seems there is a dicks creek for all demonland tastes
murrundindi looks the one for me (and it's nice and close)
bbo obviously would have his eye on guyra and biffo can settle for jindera

p.s. lamentable lack of apostrophe in all four

It takes a clever dick to put a place on the map

By Tim Dick, Urban Affairs Reporter
October 12, 2004ls

There is a hill near Coolah, in western NSW, which rises 80 metres above Butheroo Creek, and a surveyor once camped near it. He shared his camp site with a dog, and a bug, and a ram.So he called it - obviously - Doganabuganaram Hill, and the name has stuck.While that story survives, NSW's Geographic Names Board is not sure how an appendage to the foot of the devil gave its name to Satan's Toe Swamp, about seven kilometres from Big Stuck Up Swamp in the far west, or why whoever named Who'da Thought It Hill, overlooking Quirindi, thought that name a good idea.At least they beat Sugarloaf for creativity. There are almost 200 placenames in NSW which incorporate sugarloaf and 28 in the New England region alone, according to David Blair, director of the Australian National Placenames Survey at Macquarie University.


He is one of the lecturers at a two-week United Nations-backed course starting today in Bathurst, aimed at teaching people from the Asia-Pacific region toponymy, the study of a region's placenames.
"There are principles for doing it properly," Mr Blair said. Over the next fortnight, people from countries including Vanuatu, Tonga, Samoa and Indonesia, as well as junior staff from Australia and New Zealand, are being taught the basics.
They include standardising spellings and deciding whether or not to use apostrophes in placenames.
Unlike Australia's history with the word sugarloaf, Mr Blair said duplication of placenames should be avoided, particularly given the advent of call centres that could be in a different state or country.

Which is probably partly the reason why Murrurundi has a Dancing Dicks Creek, but Jindera has a Happy Dicks Creek, Tweed calls its version Hopping Dicks Creek and Guyra is content with a less vigorous Stuttering Dicks Creek.

[Moonshadow 17,541]

What exactly is a stuttering dick? Doubt it is happy, dancing or hopping...

[Red and Bluebeard 2,075]

seems there is a dicks creek for all demonland tastes

murrundindi looks the one for me (and it's nice and close)

bbo obviously would have his eye on guyra and biffo can settle for jindera

p.s. lamentable lack of apostrophe in all four

Nice work, DC (especially the grammar Nazi twist at the end). Pick-your-own Dick's Creek it seems ...