Bitter but optimistic

You present a very delicate problem Dr. at a time when my self confidence as a counsellor is under threat. I mean, it is quite humiliating to be labelled a “dirt pervert” while merely attempting to carry out one’s professional duties. (It seems I am dogged by misunderstandings) Firstly though, I must admonish you Dr, in that you appear to have brought the problem upon your own head by ignoring the golden rule of never trusting anyone with your ute, your dog or your wife. That said, I do sympathise with you Dr and will do my bit. However, I prefer not to fumble in the dark and require a closer feeling for the issue. Therefore, with this in mind, it would be best if you sent your missus down to Romsey Manor for some direct one on one attention from Counsellor Bitters. Rest assured, I will be vigorous in my efforts to get to the root of the matter.

Only the wine dc ... only the wine. Anyway it was largely an unfortunate misunderstanding.Blown out of all proportion really.

You are far too modest in detailing your excesses achievements Dr. Perhaps some of your err.. shall we say libertine accomplishments could be expounded upon. I believe you were a pioneer of the practice of being, how shall I put it delicately, "generous" with your spouse? Which I suppose explains why you do not have the time to burn effigies etc on New Years Eve. As to my visit - obviously much will depend upon your explanation re the above. Also, I note your generosity but I prefer to bring my own apparatus when visiting.

Sheltered Workshop?

There is a "tell all' article in today's Age featuring our very own Dr. John Dee. That fact that our good Doctor is famous for being an alchemist and conjurer explains much. I have cancelled my planned visit to Hopping Dick's Creek.

Always a pleasure to hear from my old mate Fl og, however, i wish to make it clear that I do not intend standing for Local Government. I take your point OD - it's just that I like to think that I can do "sordid" better than anyone.

Yes chook I was also watching at that time. Thought it quite bizarre. Didn't quite know what Lloyd was getting at but there seemed more to it than simply a "professional" judgement.

Thank you Doctor, I have previously enjoyed the benefits of your appreciation of my talents. How very sordid and cynical of you dc to imply that there is no place for love. I am not so selfish as to limit myself Moonie. In fact, I must confess, I have carried a torch for Jerry ( after I finally got over Doris Day) and was tempted to contact her after her break up with Mick. I reckoned an invite to Romsey Manor and a chance to meet the Lads would have been wonderful consolation for her. Alas other sensitive matters intruded at that time. Arrh well as Doris said Que Sera Sera.

I'm younger than Rupe OD and I can't attract a flash sheila like her. What's old Rupe got that I haven't?

Yep he takes his whack and then, hopefully, he becomes a successful (and welcome) member of our successful team!

You'd reckon Rupe would be ordering Viagra by the Pallet.

No that's his Arab cousin Syrah who lives there.

I wonder if Jack Watts is thinking how glad he is that Viney is on the same side

Thank you Doctor - you're post explains much. Indeed during my time with the Christian Bros, corporal punishment did not hold much joy, but nowadays .... ah well ...attitudes change. However, what really interests me is "your couple of years in bondage". Please provide more details. This could be a world record. PS. To all you smart arse pedants, my spelling mistake in the first sentence was deliberate. PPS. Doctor, you exhibit a number of ".tendencies". PPPS. All laudable of course; PPPPS. Just joshing. PPPPPS. BTW Doctor how is New Year celebrated in Hopping Dicks Creek? Are straw men burnt etc?

Well I am feeling my way at the moment Ernie so I'd appreciate a little more positivity. Perhaps you could direct some suckers err I mean clients in my direction.

Well things appear to be returning to normal on this thread. I noticed that the intellectual content declined during my (enforced) absence. Anyway i'm sure i'm a better man for it. That brings back memories. The Christian Bros told I'd be a better man after they'd given me a jolly good flogging. Not sure about that. I wonder if the good Doctor was a former Christian Bro? The marriage counselling business has been slow to take off but I'll be patient. The lads are a bit jittery atm because they've heard that Biffen has been in the area. I've upgraded the locks on the barn so they feel better. I'm relieved to hear OD is still with us and my dear friend Fl ogger has survived his toilets.

You're generalising dc. Biffen is entirely without ethics yet he has left a string of failed get rich quick schemes behind him. My information is that currently he is ripping off disabled people. BTW. Comments on theology should be left for those with tertiary qualifications in that field.

dc has the "bluerinser" franchise Fl ogger! I'm not entirely without ethics!

Thank you for your enquiry Jesus. Either option is possible. Though Your favourite Uncle Bitter is now a confirmed do gooder I do have to make an honest living. If you want me to supply a "wife" there will be an increase on my professional rates. However, if you are a bit cash strapped ATM and, if you don't mind a lot of tatts and few teeth, I can do a reasonable deal.

I like a nice smooth ripe fig.

Little matter to me dc - my preference in most matters is non natural.

Well even I'm surprised that the first customer for my marriage counselling business would be Jesus!

Perish the thought if Uncle Bitter unveiled his marrow!

Thank you for your support and understanding Biffen!! When it all comes down to it, I need to make a dollar while supporting those in need. While you, with a string of failed relationships behind you are beyond my help, I'm there are some on Demonland who would benefit from my wisdom in marital matters. Btw, I am already a platinum member that worthy organisation you alluded to.

Well well Biff - I have been renewed. A new man, an upright citizen ready to selflessly contribute to the greater good of society.My first New Year's Reso is to shed some kilograms. However, due to some previous misunderstandings, I am persona non grata at all nearby gymnasia. So I have dusted off the treadly and purchased some new spandex. I have already attracted some envious glances around the village. I do cut a rather dashing figure if I do say so myself. I have also decided to look for a new vocation in life. During my recent treatments, I met some quite delightful psychoanalysts,psychologists in general and a myriad of counsellors. So Uncle Bitter is planning to reinvent himself as a relationship or marriage counsellor. I have had quite a bit to do with other peoples' marriages over the years so I am quite confident that I can make an impact. Doing good is my new motto!