Bitter but optimistic

Well I'm finally back at the Manor after an arduous few days in Cantberra. I noticed our resident Dr Hopping Dicks alluded to a locale named Fyshwick which I presumed was where one found the seafood market. Being partial to the occasional clam, I headed out that way. Well what a surprise! It was where one would likely find Cantberra's version of the Gat. Which brings me to the point of my ramble. In a particularly scrofulous location I noticed a faded sign. " For love potions, poultices and cures for the pox contact your ever reliable Dr John D...". The rest was obscured by various stains and fluids. Scant evidence I agree but nonetheless, the question must be asked . Does our Good Doctor have a sordid history buried in our national capital and is his retreat to a hillbilly hideaway a means to escape a criminal past?

Yes and with each pair of "Calvin Kleens" you get a free can of guava paste

Your ever intrepid Uncle Bitter has awoken to a fine morning in Cantberra. Went to Special Robert's exihibition yesterDay. Bit disappointing to be honest. One of the highlights apparently ,was a picture of these blokes shearing bloody sheep- alapacas would have improved it no end. No footy pictures either but at least a few blokes had Max Gawn beards. I must have been well [censored] last night , or my knowledge of geography is awry as I was boozing on the "foreshore"! One of the bottles consumed was called "The blood of hipsters" - it was, as you would expect, insipid [censored]! A decent Shiraz grape ruined by the insertion that girly Tempranillo stuff . FMD Brekkers time !

What is going on? After attending the footy on Sunday your good old Uncle Bitter had to attend to some responsibilities in rural Victoria (sans computer) and I return to a deserted thread!! Unless I am convinced that the world has not ended, I shall offer some post prandial speculations. ( Moonie and Biffen will not know what that means)

Methinks you prostesteth overmuch my Lord! You are of course correct about the general level of vulgarity and smut on this thread. However, your highlighting of this obvious fact is clearly an aristocratic ploy to avoid answering some valid questions that have been raised about the master/slave goings on in "Hood House". Obviously I infer no immoral activities but I would have thought that one in your position would like to clear the air on certain ...err sensitive matters. For example. Do your maids have a tendency to be hirstute ? Just what role does "your man" Hudson play in this and where exactly does guava paste fit in? Answering these simple questions will surely keep the gossip mongerers at bay.

And FMD again!!!!!

FMD!!!

A very civilised idea ( if you are of the male aristocracy). Anyway doc who has the primae noctis rights in Hopping Dicks? I imagine that would be just one of many arcane rituals prevalent in your neck of the backwoods.

Well I have visited The Gat on occasion - purely business you understand - and as such business can be conducted elsewhere its sale will only impact on me for reasons of nostalgia. Biffen, however, as a resident of said establishment has not been the same since its sale was announced. If you wish to know more, I suggest you raise the subject (cautiously) with him.

Wouldn't think so Moon. One of Earl Hood's aristocratic background and breeding would insist on his maids being clean shaven, surely?

Well your pay is certainly reasonable Earl but does Conchita adhere to the ..err .. "appropriate" dress code for one of her station? As the for above "wines", you should be thankful they are gone from your collection. Fill the gaps with some decent shiraz.

Late breaking news!!! Apparently Biffen did get found out and was arrested when leaving the family day at luna Park!

Arrgh, there's the rub, now I can see why you are a Dr Dr, and not just your standard garden variety alchemist. You have spanked the nail on the head!!! You see, my life is virtual reality - I think.

I take it this year's crop has survived bugs , bushfire and other maladies OD?

I am sure all will pleased that Uncle Bitter is able to post again. My computer has just returned from extended hospitalisation. It required some transplants plus a miracle cure for the technological equivalent of a combined Zika and Ebola virus. I suspect the lads have been using it to surf South American porn sites. I notice OD has been posting some remarkably positive comments on this site and can only put this down to a near death experience caused by a combination of single malt and free Pinot. The good Doctor also made a comment which I found perplexing - "The Hopping Dicks BDSM group assures me that they are no less effective than any other method and have the advantage of assisting in environmental control". I don't intend arguing the efficacy of bamboo and/or rattan but rather the very existence of The Hopping Dicks BDSM group. I have an up to date listing of official Australian groups and they do not appear. While it is possible they simply have not paid their affiliation fees, I think it more likely they are a small family owned and operated organisation rather than a rogue or outlaw group. As to Earl Hood and his Paul Osicka Shiraz 2012. Yes it is a decent Heathcote drop but you should have bar b qued the roo leg over a 44 gallon drum while sloshing it down from Riedel shaped plastic cups. (I will, however, give dc some credit for his advice about the quinoa salad - a pretentious addition in my opinion)

Now list care flo , unless you writ improve , Im goin to have the good dr beet yu with his big bambo

He's staying!!!!

He's gone!!

I would have thought an afficianado like yourself doctor, would choose a reliable Singaporean rattan !"

As usual Moonie - a vulgar attempt at humour that is offensive on multiple levels I shall report you to the good doctor , who I am sure, will give you a jolly good flogging.

Good god man!!! Pull yourself together while you still can. Malbecs ! Merlots!!! At least you didn't stoop to Sangiovese! No wonder you got stitched up with guava paste. Stick to a good Aussie Shiraz from S A or central Vic. I'm twice the man for it.

Two bottles of decent Shiraz per day is a far better health option Earl. Also, spend more time with the servants- calories a plenty can be burned off exercising with the maids.

Sorry to disappoint you do but all the banana trees I saw are only growing plastic bags Just head to Borewood pineapple and ingratiate yourself into a morning tea or euchre party. Dc has the bluerinsers primed and ready ( BTW bluerinsers just autocorrected to blue inserts. Freudians feel free to comment) My sauces claimed that you were so unhinged by the upcoming sale of the GAT that you were seeking honest employment Biff! Fellacious of course. Perhaps I could be your muse for future writings Ernest? I see bdsm themed erotic fiction marketed under your name as a potential money maker Earl Hood just a reminder I'm still awaiting information on whether or not you were successful in abusing the 357 visa system to obtain new servants? My maids are refusing to wear the uniforms I supply and was I hoping to find some errr shall we say more compliant employees. Ethan are these "blueys" something in the the line of erotic apparel? Would dc's bluerinsers wear them? BTW all, your Uncle Bitter is back in town.

You been spying on me again fl oger?

Sleeping in the back of the Merc Earl. The squeeze is unhappy though- claims my flatulance is playing up again. I'm blaming the cane toads.