Bitter but optimistic

Well I am feeling my way at the moment Ernie so I'd appreciate a little more positivity. Perhaps you could direct some suckers err I mean clients in my direction.

Well things appear to be returning to normal on this thread. I noticed that the intellectual content declined during my (enforced) absence. Anyway i'm sure i'm a better man for it. That brings back memories. The Christian Bros told I'd be a better man after they'd given me a jolly good flogging. Not sure about that. I wonder if the good Doctor was a former Christian Bro? The marriage counselling business has been slow to take off but I'll be patient. The lads are a bit jittery atm because they've heard that Biffen has been in the area. I've upgraded the locks on the barn so they feel better. I'm relieved to hear OD is still with us and my dear friend Fl ogger has survived his toilets.

You're generalising dc. Biffen is entirely without ethics yet he has left a string of failed get rich quick schemes behind him. My information is that currently he is ripping off disabled people. BTW. Comments on theology should be left for those with tertiary qualifications in that field.

dc has the "bluerinser" franchise Fl ogger! I'm not entirely without ethics!

Thank you for your enquiry Jesus. Either option is possible. Though Your favourite Uncle Bitter is now a confirmed do gooder I do have to make an honest living. If you want me to supply a "wife" there will be an increase on my professional rates. However, if you are a bit cash strapped ATM and, if you don't mind a lot of tatts and few teeth, I can do a reasonable deal.

I like a nice smooth ripe fig.

Little matter to me dc - my preference in most matters is non natural.

Well even I'm surprised that the first customer for my marriage counselling business would be Jesus!

Perish the thought if Uncle Bitter unveiled his marrow!

Thank you for your support and understanding Biffen!! When it all comes down to it, I need to make a dollar while supporting those in need. While you, with a string of failed relationships behind you are beyond my help, I'm there are some on Demonland who would benefit from my wisdom in marital matters. Btw, I am already a platinum member that worthy organisation you alluded to.

Well well Biff - I have been renewed. A new man, an upright citizen ready to selflessly contribute to the greater good of society.My first New Year's Reso is to shed some kilograms. However, due to some previous misunderstandings, I am persona non grata at all nearby gymnasia. So I have dusted off the treadly and purchased some new spandex. I have already attracted some envious glances around the village. I do cut a rather dashing figure if I do say so myself. I have also decided to look for a new vocation in life. During my recent treatments, I met some quite delightful psychoanalysts,psychologists in general and a myriad of counsellors. So Uncle Bitter is planning to reinvent himself as a relationship or marriage counsellor. I have had quite a bit to do with other peoples' marriages over the years so I am quite confident that I can make an impact. Doing good is my new motto!

Worst pun ever!!!!

How nice to hear from you Earl. I trust you are exploiting another 3rd world economy for personal gain. Do you intend arranging some of those 357 visas to get some decent (and cheap) help?

Yes that must be it !!! Love of the job, enthusiasm , go the extra yard .......!

Thank you for that useless response dc. However, I have another issue that has just popped up. My squeeze just messaged to say she was working OT and not to wait up. This seemed to disturb the lads as they claim her workplace's OT budget is spent. What could this mean?

FMD Flo g!! But yes, I am a gold card member. Biffen arranged it. I believe he is a ... eerr contributor to the site.

Probably there would be a penance involved. Jolly good flogging I suppose.

BTW I'm looking a "please explain" from Lothario. It seems the Member for Borewood remained seated while the rest of The House gave Rosie Batty a standing ovation today.

Yeah heard that too. Reckon you'd be in deep [censored] if you didn't honour his lead.

Would you play this bloke in the goal square or allow him to chase a kick?

Redtube is addictive ... so I hear.

Thanks Stu - nice piece of music. Don't see its relevance to football though.

Go with most of that Ern but the Rorschach test !! I've only ever seen the beast with two backs in that.

All is well at last,Flo g is back Uncle Bitter is back. …… and, what’s more, I have a divine mission. My informant (a certain MD from Pulling One’s Appendage Creek) has let it be known that one of our esteemed fellow posters, the inestimable Stuie is sad and upset. Apparently the poor fellow has been forced to read excerpts of his own posts – a cruel and inhumane punishment if ever there was one. Well I’ll not tolerate such callousness!! I’ll hunt down the perpetrator of this justice injustice and buy him a case of decent shiraz give him a jolly good flogging.

Flo g you're back!! I've missed you - just joshing.