Mazer Rackham

Or we might be playing our home games on Mars.

Well, he's only trying to grind his bones to make his bread. In fairness, the small player may have stolen his magic harp.

So can we go back to pretending nothing happened?

Cripes!!! You don't think he was still cheating, do you? If true, this devastating revelation could throw the world of international athletes on its head.

"Dear Mr Satyr, Thank you for your letter. It has been forwarded to the appropriate staff member. Please find enclosed a complimentary Essendon scarf and a Collingwood 3-game membership. We trust that this will be your last communication on the matter. Your sincerely, Giardia Lamblia for Gillon McLachlan"

Our friend Mr Gatlin served his time for doing drugs, but when he came back "clean" he was running faster times than when he was on the gear. Things that make you go hmmmm...........

Fortunately no-one here is a cynic and we find that Vlad's tipping off of Evans, a "joint" investigation, the attempted "deal" with Andruska, the attempted sacrificial offering of Hird, the letting off of support staff, etc, are all easily explained away in a rigorous drug investigation. Only guessing, but your posited cynic might think that we would never had heard about any of this but for the involvement of an organisation that, quite unexpectedly, wasn't awestruck by the mighty AFL. Namely, the Australian Crime Commission who got the ball rolling.

No he wouldn't. He was bitter and half senile but he wouldn't have cleared out all the experience. Dad's Army? Bailey wanted kids kids kids to the point where you wondered if he'd end up on a police watch list.

I ran your post through my artificial intelligence botnet supercomputer and it deduced that you're not Gil McLachlan.

Yes, because the bookies would be bankrupted by all the mug punters betting on the "impossible, can't happen, million to one" scenarios that come true.

The saliva, the chicken poo, the microwaves, the hysteria on the radio ... it touches the high and mighty, the downtrodden, the eccentrics ... it's a rich tapestry.

That's because Gil is "the deal maker". Gil doesn't make decisions. He makes deals. He is like a politicians in that it doesn't hurt to wait one more day. Who knows what it will bring? And one more day, and one more day ... If he waits long enough he might not have to make a decision at all. But a deal where Jobby gets to keep the medal, now that's firmly in Gil's territory. So we wait, and wait ... (My prediction: Gil will try to let Jobby keep it.)

In this mornings paper it was revealed that the CAS appeal will be announced in November. After footy season. When the spotlight's off. Watch the AFL ignore the whole issue and try to let him keep the charlie.

YM was delisted from 'Land and is now in the bush teaching talented kids to post on rural football web sites.

That's "Sliding Doors" Adolf. He sold a few paintings in his youth and never went to jail, never wrote his manifesto, and never got into politics. But he still had an urge to wreak havoc. Hence "Focus on Footy".

To see if they had any? No wonder the AFL wanted to know that. There's no place for that kind of unscrupulous behaviour at AFL house.

This jilted ex must be a Russian hacker. It seems she not only got in Grubby's and Lambert's phones and forged some text messages, but she also made them look like they'd been deleted! Or .... (Occam's razor here) ... maybe blaming the ex is a red herring and something really did happen, serious enough that Grubby thought he'd better bury it. As ever, the cover up makes the thing it's trying to hide 10 times worse.

Or is that ... fortunately?

Surely they're not trying that on? That's a parlour game for bored supporters in the off season. Yes, they may have ballsed up their recruiting. But to suggest the above is a possible game day lineup ... tell 'em they're dreaming! Every club can groan about "the ones that got away". (Except maybe GCS/GWS where they had a bigger net than everyone else.) Is this an example of the constructive thinking that this new board is going to indulge in? Might as well put on a hair shirt and whip yourself with thorns for all the good it does. There is no backwards. There is only forwards.

Thank you junior. You may take two drinks for your contribution.

You're good at this, DVC. Maybe you should challenge the RFC board!

Let's play AFL Board Challenge Bingo. Take a drink every time one of challengers utters one of these phrases: empower the members worlds best practice too long complacent immediately search for best available coach (two drinks if it's an "exhaustive" search) setting standards throughout the club from top to bottom rightful place at the top of the ladder legacy of Tommy Hafey core business of football

Sh!t. Does that mean we're getting relocated to Hawaii?

I think he means she has sacrificed a lot of times. Chicken or goats maybe. She's into voodoo or something. One of her spells finally worked?

Much as I dislike C'wood, I don't recall them driving up in an armoured vehicle, unloading those three and forcing us to sign transfer papers at gunpoint. We did it to ourselves. And you know what? It's all in the past. Time to move on.