Mazer Rackham

It's actually to hand out tickets and itineraries for the end of season trip to Disneyland. Club got confused and invited the press.

Little known fact: there actually is a URP. Our spies in AFL house managed to sneak us a rundown on this morning's proceedings. Scene: AFL house: Gil McLachlan's office. It is wood panelled with high ceilings, decorated with tapestries, rare masters and antique china. Gil sits behind a huge oak desk. The door opens and an umpire enters. Ump: Oh, sorry. I thought this was where the umpires review meeting was being held. GM: It is. Come in. Ump: Where are the others? GM: What others? Ump: The rest of the panel. GM: Oh, that. Don't worry about that. I am the panel. Ump: No umpires director? No operations manag-- GM: Let's get down to it. There have been reports that you had a stinker on Saturday. Ump: I'm sorry. I know I had a bad day. We all did. I just went to pieces after that deliberate out of bounds where the-- GM: Oh, don't be silly. I don't care about any decision you made. Ump: Well, it was a decision that I didn't m-- GM: Yes, yes. Or that. Look, don't worry about it. Let the media have their fun and games. Crowds are up. Ratings are up. Betting turnover is up. Ump: I considered the provisions of rule 15.2(a)(ii) where it clearly st-- GM: Of course you did. Look, whatever it was, don't do it again. Alright? Ump: We looked at the free kick count at half time and decided we'd better-- GM: Good, good. I've got the weekend attendance figures here. 262,000, just above the season average. Ump: Are you not worried about-- GM: Fine. Damned fine. Cigar? Ump: Yes, thank you, I think I-- GM: Not you. I was thinking out loud. Yes, I will have one. Ump: So am I being penalised for Saturday? GM: Hmm? Are you still here? Ump: Well ... what about our meeting? GM: Oh yes. Meeting adjourned. Now where did I put the brandy?

Jones will announce that he has discovered he is a dual citizen and will leave parliament.

In further good news, Max won $50 on the horses! It seems he's used to success!

This is the frightening thing about our wasted season. Are our players going to tell themselves they shoulda, woulda made finals except for [insert excuse here]. And then go out next year going through the motions, expecting it to just happen for them? Like playing North, only for a whole season? Easy to see us dropping down through complacency. I hope Goodwin puts a rocket through them. And the president and CEO put a rocket through the whole place.

Maybe not THE best stress reliever at this delicate time. Be very very careful about which direction you point the gun!

So it's all Adelaide's fault? Don't forget to lump in Freo, Hawks, North, North again, and Pies in your list of dastardly villains who have kept us out of finals. One notable club not on that list. Which could it be?

Sure he can. Staying in parliament is the hard bit.

Loyal bikie culture in action:

I found this post on bigfooty from 10 years ago: What are the odds of shaking Colin Sylvia loose from MFC? He hasn't really performed thus far for them, but every now and then he has a game that suggests he could be amazing if he gets his act together.

Oh yes -- Big Ben are good pies (or were last time I tried them).

I thought this thread would be along the lines of "... and the dees are into $1.52" Now onto some pie advice from a life long pie expert. Basic advice first. Avoid 4 n 20 as their pastry is tasty but the filling is too questionable. Pie face make possibly the worst pies ever made anywhere except by first year chefs in pie university (who drop out half way through the first year). If you're forced into a pie from a convenience store, Mrs Macs are passable. Pies at the footy -- avoid, why reward the rip off merchants. Always avoid anything labelled as "gourmet" as they are always one of (a) not good enough to justify the price, (b) have TOO MUCH chunky meat -- I want a pie, not a beef wellington, (c) pastry is flaky as buggery, (d) strange flavour combinations. The best pies come from unheralded local bakeries. Things to look for: Small surface area on top and high sides -- always overcooked Top flaking like all get-out while it's still in the warmer -- avoid unless you want the thing to dissolve into a shower of pastry flakes all over you Brown and dry while still in warmer -- avoid Top is bulging up -- avoid, gravy is too sloppy Look for low sides, flat top, still some yellow on top, good mix of mince and gravy inside -- not too much gravy (don't want it sloppy) -- and about $4 in price. As to how it tastes, that's what you won't know until you try, obvs. But when you find a good one, reward the bakers by going back again and again. Bonus: If you're into mince pies at christmas, save time and money and buy coles brand. Good pastry, filling, taste, price point, and no icing sugar. Avoid anything "gourmet" or from fancy bakeries as they always miss the mark on one of those things.

Obvious to everyone except the magpie monarch. Eddie will burn down the joint to keep Nathan. The sticking point could be that Nathan is too proud to continue like this. Not so sure. Could be, but Dunn, for all his decent play, has made some significant howlers too.

Eddie can't separate out what's good for Collingwood, what's good for Buckley, and what's good for Eddie. They are all one and the same to him.

4) an ability to coach at AFL level would be a handy plus

Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour doesn't crack a mention???????

Keep Bucks there forever. A change of coach might take them up the pointy end. Not good for the constitution.

Sack the recruiter, get in a new one. Change the assistant coaches. Get in a Roos-type mentor for Bucks New football manager New fitness people Different brand of oranges for half time ..... and then hope that against all evidence to date, that Bucks can coach. All so Eddie doesn't have to admit he made a mistake.

How true. They're obviously giving their [censored] in the wrong places.

The adjudication of Australian rules football at the AFL level is in crisis. Umpiring. MRP. The executive can't see it because they're too busy gloating about how close the season is.

"That's why I will delay announcing my decision to join Freo until after the season. I want to show them that I am very caring too."

Umpiring today was unbelievably bad. Most of the frees they paid were there ...... but for each one they paid there were another 5 the same that were not paid. 50 meters. Kicks not going 15. Running through the "protected area". Holding off the ball. Plus the old favourite: dropping the ball. Lions last 2 goals before half time were from "marks" that might have gone 10m on a fisherman's tape measure.

The one where the Rothschild family run the secret world government.

Well, that went pretty much as expected except for the part where we gave them a fighting chance in the last. They came into the game on a high from last week and in full knowledge that this is exactly the kind of game that we fluff. So they squeezed us, crowded us, hoping we'd panic. First quarter, their body language said that they thought they had our number. We didn't panic but the edge sure was off our ball handling. So near and yet so far. It only needed 15 minutes where everything went right and game over. Fourth quarter, Bang! Right on schedule. Then ... quick rewrite of the script. "Melbourne, knowing what is like to be at the tail end of the ladder, decide to give Brisbane some hope and stand and watch while they move the ball effortlessly and cleanly." Thankfully Pedo didn't read the new script. Thanks Pedo. Next week Collingwood are going to give us the same treatment. If we lose it could be curtains and they are just the kind of club who would love to bring it down on us. Watch them throw the kitchen sink at us. We should be good enough -- we are good enough -- to rub their noses in it. But it's all between the ears next week. Are we up for the challenge?

Simple answer to all these shenanigans. Abolish the countdown clock for all except the time keeper. Not the "30 seconds to kick a goal" countdown. The "how much time left in the quarter" countdown. Everyone, including coaches, media, the lot, can only see the time elapsed. Like it was before channel 7 invented this exciting innovation which has brought no benefit but plenty of downside. Then they won't know if they can diddle with the 30 seconds stuff. It makes for more exciting footy anyway. But the AFL don't like simplicity. They would rather tack on more and more subrules and interpretations.