AFL TV commentary is at an all time low. Former AFL players get paid presumably decent bucks to sit in front of a screen (rarely these days are they actually at the ground) and say a whole bunch of stuff that is either incorrect, unhelpful, meaningless, annoying or stupid.

There are precious few play-by-play commentators who are any good. Jason Bennett is, IMO, the hands down best in the business, but Channel 7 criminally underuse him. Nigel Carmody's good. On Fox, Adam Papalia is their best, Huddo's OK and Brenton Speed is quite good too, but again he and Papalia get underused.

There pretty much aren't any other good play-play-play commentators. Some of the rest are disgustingly bad - BT and McLachlan on 7 and Eddie, Dwayne and Mark Howard on Fox all make the viewing experience markedly worse.

There aren't many good special commentators going around: 7's got Hodge, Leppitsch, Daisy Pearce and Bartel in its stable. But despite having those people ready to go, it continually rolls out Wayne Carey, Matthew Richardson, Jobe Watson and Cameron Ling. Richo's the worst special commentator on TV and that's saying something. Adds zero value, everything he says is either a cliche, meaningless or unnecessary. Wayne Carey's not very bright, Cameron Ling's downright annoying, and Jobe thinks he's being smart but in reality says not much.

Fox has almost no good special commentators. David King is OTT on the stats and hyperbole, Garry starts sentences but doesn't always know how to finish them, Dunstall and Brown are OK but pretty one-note, Healy's past it and Jordan Lewis is the better version of Jobe Watson. Nick Riewoldt and Nick Dal Santo aren't bad. But the worst, hands down, is Dermott. The stuff he says is embarrassingly stupid. The fact that Fox pay him to sit in front of a TV and say the things he says is an indictment on the industry.

tl;dr - I detest most AFL TV commentators.

We should vote for the best commentator over the last 50 years.1.dennis Comety ,2 jack dyer,3 Mic Williamson,The MAJOR(cant recll real name but was fantastic),Harry (are you there harry)Beitzel sorry about the spelling

williamson YOU BEAUTY JEASALENKO

Tommy Lahiff a total legend

9 hours ago, binman said:

Football commentary does my head in.

I can't stand it any longer.

So I've decided to start a thread so I have somewhere to vent my frustration about the standard of football commentary each week.

The alternative is going crazy.

Please feel free to use this as your football commentary does my head in safe space

I feel its been noticeably pathetic since 7 got the rights back from 9 and 10. Channel 7 no longer respect the sport, it's as though the game exists as a vehicle to get over 7's "personalities".

Edited July 9, 20214 yr by Dr. Gonzo

Are the great days small boy listening to the mighty dees on a tranny(can you still use that word)they were gay days(ops sorry to those of confused gender)icecreams are great

14 minutes ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

I feel its been noticeably pathetic since 7 got the rights back from 9 and 10. Channel 7 no longer respect the sport, it's as though the game exists as a vehicle to get over 7's "personalities".

I remember Will Ralston wrote a parody song about Ten losing the rights back in ‘11, and giving them a bake about various failings.

I’d be stoked to have Tim Lane, Stephen Quartermain and Robert Walls back on commentary. The latter two could be grating, but at least they focused on the game and not rubbish about St. Kilda players throwing Mexican themed birthday parties or how quiet the stadium is. 

9 hours ago, Better days ahead said:

BT is obviously a boofhead and James Brayshaw's sshtick is well past its use by date. for me though the most beige and banal commentator is Cameron Ling. For the type of player he was I would have assumed a forthright, no nonsense style. He's the exact opposite. I've never heard a single insight pass his lips

Yeah, good call BDA. You'd just love to see him get involved. /Lingy

I have to laugh at the commentary on team selection. Last week against GWS we selected a short forward line. This week we drop Sparrow for Brown and our forward line became "very tall". We either had to stretch Sparrow or shorten Brown.

Binman my posts should ease your thoughts and yearnings for a great commentator

8 hours ago, Click_Bate said:

We need a top 5 for worst commentators. Honestly that could easily be stretched to top 10 

Impossible to limit to 5. No-ones even mention Dwayne "Firestarter" Russell yet.

People always look back at Dennis Cometti and say he was the best, so it’s always good to ask why. 

Even at his most biased, Dennis still called the game down the middle. He got excited equally but also wasn’t afraid to say when a team really wasn’t in the contest. His little jokes were thrown in without making a big deal over it. He threw to the special comments people teeing them up without having it rammed down our throat. HE DIDN’T MAKE MISTAKES WITH NAMES, AND ON THE RARE OCCASION HE DID HE APOLOGISED IMMEDIATELY AND GOT ON WITH IT. 

What I feel like the commentators these days suffer from us this inane desire to be “iconic” with calls. They feel like they have to make every moment momentous. Calling the action correctly is the first thing they should be focusing on. I’ve always like Huddo’s call of Jeremy Howe’s mark against Sydney, “Hooowe did he do that?” Simple, quirky, and to the point. 

I have issues with the number of people the have covering the game. 4 max 2 play by play, one special comments and one boundry rider. 

Channel 10 and 9 where mostly pretty good when they had the rights. Fox depends on who you get.

7 is deadset without fail always terrible. Even when you have intelligence like Daisy and leppa they are always outnumbered by 4-5 nuffies who kill the coverage

7 hours ago, Colin B. Flaubert said:

One more whinge I'd like to add....

The cronyism in these circles is bloody appalling. 

Hamish is the type of bloke they should keep away from the commentator's booth: preppy, blow waved and cliched. Somehow, he gets a gig. Not sure what the reason is, but I'm fed up to it up to my GILLS!

Basil Zempilas is another example. A decent state grade football career parlayed into a role with Channel 7. Now, he is the [censored]ing lord mayor of Perth based on his connections with Kerry Stokes. 

I could go on and on, but the fact these mediocrities exist in these spaces to grease each others palms says to me that competence isn't the first metric they employ when choosing commentators.

Anyone who wants a laugh at Hamish McLachlans expense as well as an insight as to what a [censored] he actually is check out the "rompingwins" thread on Big Footy

Plus there's the episode of AFL game day when he joked with Trent Cotchin about the time he ran over Cotchins dog. True story.

Oh and who could forget this

https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/channel-7s-hamish-mclachlan-criticised-for-embracing-colleague-monika-radulovic-20160109-gm2gli.html

8 hours ago, Go the Biff said:

Jobe Watson does my head in. Butchers the language. He dead set invents his own words.

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/jobeism.1262168/

Essential reading

4 hours ago, reynolds46 said:

I have often wondered how some of these media types/commenters get hired or keep their jobs. I assumed the networks based these decisions on audience research and ratings etc which if true is an indictment of the average supporter/audience. If James Bradshaw for example, is popular and rates well then there is little hope of improvement in this arena. Alternatively perhaps it is just jobs for the boys cronyism and the audience’s opinions don’t count for much as they know people will still watch because they are locked in regardless.

Lock in B thanks Eddie

What does my head in is how much they hate Melbourne. Just cannot say a nice thing about us. Actively barracking for an upset every week. Yet would drown in a bucket of their own semen commentating a Dogs game. 

3 hours ago, faultydet said:

Am I allowed to say who I think is good?

Luke Hodge is sensational in special comments. Very easy to listen to and does not seem to let his call be affected by the hysterics of the other commentators.

Bartel is fantastic I reckon.

33 minutes ago, Colin B. Flaubert said:

I remember Will Ralston wrote a parody song about Ten losing the rights back in ‘11, and giving them a bake about various failings.

I’d be stoked to have Tim Lane, Stephen Quartermain and Robert Walls back on commentary. The latter two could be grating, but at least they focused on the game and not rubbish about St. Kilda players throwing Mexican themed birthday parties or how quiet the stadium is. 

Tim Lane is definitely a great commentator. And not just of footy; his cricket commentary is also awesome. 

18 minutes ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

Anyone who wants a laugh at Hamish McLachlans expense as well as an insight as to what a [censored] he actually is check out the "rompingwins" thread on Big Footy

Plus there's the episode of AFL game day when he joked with Trent Cotchin about the time he ran over Cotchins dog. True story.

Oh and who could forget this

https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/channel-7s-hamish-mclachlan-criticised-for-embracing-colleague-monika-radulovic-20160109-gm2gli.html

What. A. Creep.

I wonder if he would have tried that if Lee Lin Chin or Magda Szubanski were his co presenter?

23 minutes ago, Pates said:

People always look back at Dennis Cometti and say he was the best, so it’s always good to ask why. 

Even at his most biased, Dennis still called the game down the middle. He got excited equally but also wasn’t afraid to say when a team really wasn’t in the contest. His little jokes were thrown in without making a big deal over it. He threw to the special comments people teeing them up without having it rammed down our throat. HE DIDN’T MAKE MISTAKES WITH NAMES, AND ON THE RARE OCCASION HE DID HE APOLOGISED IMMEDIATELY AND GOT ON WITH IT. 

What I feel like the commentators these days suffer from us this inane desire to be “iconic” with calls. They feel like they have to make every moment momentous. Calling the action correctly is the first thing they should be focusing on. I’ve always like Huddo’s call of Jeremy Howe’s mark against Sydney, “Hooowe did he do that?” Simple, quirky, and to the point. 

You’ve nailed it. Dennis never made it about himself. Nor did he milk it when it started to become apparent that his commentary was a cut above the rest. Dennis never overdid Dennis. And yes, the poor man’s commentators of today are always talking as though something they’ve said might go down in the annals of footy commentary (think “Jesaulenko, you beauty!” and “Leo Barry, you star”).

8 hours ago, deegirl said:

Last night was bearable because Taylor the [censored] was absent.  He doesn't know the rules or the players.   And he's not funny. I particularly enjoy his medical speculations regarding injury.  Classic example - when he suggested the GPS tracker in the jumper may've caused in injury.  

 

And he seems anally fixated...if I hear him mention hemorrhoid cream one more time I will lose it.  

 

8 hours ago, Mel Bourne said:

Things got on a roll early on in the pre-match coverage, when Leigh Montagna asked Simon Goodwin if the recent dip in form was “attitud-unal”. Or maybe it’s spelt “attitud-inal”? Hard to know how non-existent words are spelt. 

BT just tweeted in to say it's actually spelled attitud-[censored].

Well that didn't work did it. Assume there's an A after the dash....

Edited July 9, 20214 yr by FireInTheBennelly
Censored the most crucial part

Any award for worst commentators would surely be called the BTs

35 minutes ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/jobeism.1262168/

Essential reading

I AM LITERALLY CRYING RN ?

The “Jobeisms” are hilarious as it is. But the comments are gold. And some of the funniest are from Essendon supporters! They’re next level funny. 
Thank you for posting this, Dr. G!

As you said, essential reading. 

Edited July 9, 20214 yr by WalkingCivilWar

Agree with most of the comments here. We are at an all-time low. I was glad that Brooce finally retired. The 80 rhetorical questions a game were cringeworthy. I've no idea how boofhead callers and former players like Taylor, Russell and Darcy can convince TV networks that they can commentate on games. Pathetically amateurish.

Some players can make the transition to commentary. Gary Lineker and Richie Benaud are good examples. But both did an exacting apprenticeship. Benaud as a journalist and Lineker with years of training from the BBC's best.

Australia for some reason encourages hyperbole. Faux excitement, barracking for the underdog or the team that is five goals down. Then there's the ridiculous nicknames and general blokeyness. The difference between Shane Warne's commentary in the UK and in Australia is stark. We love to bring out the inner bogan!

Australia also has this misguided idea that opinions matter. Unless they're incredibly inciteful, they don't. 'I just think Melbourne's midfield has got on top in the last five minutes!' Thanks Jobe. Or every game: what an incredible story Tom McDonald is. Put on the trade table... Thanks Hame!

Others think opinions matter. The number one rule of commentary is don't insult the audience's intelligence. There are very few who don't. Adam Papalia and...?