Tarax Club

Cheers ‘Big’ Kev top trackside coverage! Your top end correspondent intends to be in attendance at training in Darwin prior to the Dockers clash so will try reciprocate with some local colour next week. Are Harrison Petty’s ball handling skills up to par? Frostie had a shocker here last year couldn’t handle the dew.

Jones - flew the flag Viney - best game back T. McDonald - took a hit Hannah - needed more support Melksham - creative catalyst stymied Salem - contributed positively overall Harmes - blooper turnovers hurt O.McDonald - had a go Jetta - full of courage Hogan - mojo majorly missing Lewis - brave dynamo waning Fritsch - star is ascendant Petracca - start stop finish Oliver - combative inside contributor Tyson - better for run Vince - jury is out Smiths - not quite there Gawn - influential in play Brayshaw - radar off beam Neal-Bullen - lacked meaningful impact Hibberd - bring back 2017 Umpires - three blind mice

Max now has a weekly column for the competition to the Fairfax rag? That may explain his omission. His 2016 form from a limited sample from afar at the 'G' v woods and tigers Anzac Eve in succeeding weeks. Gawn absolutely monstered the opposing rucks and dominated the midfieldbattle like a colossus. Best individual ruck performance I can recall from an AFL ruckman. May his star status be re-ascendant 2018.

Cameron Pedersen great foil for Big Max, has a positive track record as a forward against the Hawks and loves a dry, fast track in the sunshine at the 'G' ! Weather forecast for Sunday?

1. Christian Salem decking "Magic Door" after Eddie went apoplectic about his bump on Jordan Lewis. 2. Jeffy Garlett's picking the pocket of North's McDonald and kicking a terrific opportunist goal. 3. The unheralded Josh Wagner's blue collar (red vee) performance in defence.

As an amphibian and prone to desiccation demonfrog you must have moisture to survive ideally water not swan lager! After the deluge spring showers seem best ‘September The Grand Finale’ is strongly suggested☔️

Re: umpiring performance yesterday at the 'G'. Here's my two bob's worth, as a neutral observer of the Hawks v Kangaroos game in Tassie. A young woman Eleni Glouftsis, at the commencement of her career as an AFL umpire adjudicated the match with more aplomb than her more senior colleagues did earlier in the day. Her bouncing of the ball at the centre bounces was also markedly superior. The other bob; sackcloth and ashes for Saint Kilda another preseason of penance ahead!

Uncle Bitters re: " Soi Cowboy" was that a casual bring your own six gun, put on your ten gallon hat, plus spurs and where are your 'chaps' night out or was more formal evening attire jodpurs and a malacca cane de-rigueur? pip pip!

Well when they do arrive wherever our erstwhile correspondents are geographically or temporally located please ensure there is no freckle on your banana.

May I humbly suggest gentlemen that the Channel 9 60 minutes team so recently prominent in Lebanon be engaged as backup. Just in case a geriatric recovery snatch is required.

After a five year hiatus in the wilderness I'm ready for the big league at demonland via the rookie draft!