Little Goffy

We did it. We broke Geelong. Watching other teams feast on the corpse is a bit like being the leopard which has been harassed off a kill by hyenas, but we did get our meal and the hunt was excellent, too. Geelong likely to be in sixth by the end of the round and out of the 8 by their round 14 bye.

If Netflix had the full coverage of AFL games, I would never need to switch on regular TV again. I mean, sure, I'll miss out on the ads telling me the latest from Farmer Wants a Root and I won't be able to flick over to watch a 2017 rerun of 8 out of 10 Cats does countdown, but all in all, I think I can just about some gaffa tape over the 'TV' button and never regret it. Plus, the movie where they put together the commentary team would be awesome.

A Malthouse to Carlton scenario, you reckon? Or Neeld to Melbourne? As for Martin, I'd argue that our list needs are of the meat and three veg healthy core rather than premium chocolates. Sigh. In a fantasy world if I could steal a rival veteran who might be jack of it at their current club, I'd be looking at the St Kilda Captain. Can you imagine Steele and Viney going in side by side, denying all opponents even a moment of comfort and each doing 120% of the workload of a normal person. The opposition could field a Balrog and still would not be able to pass. I guess that brings me back to the Martin point - we have many young players who are capable of dynamic things but who are still developing the maturity needed for the relentless grind and the composure needed to halt runs of goals. What we need most of all is the reliable core of maturity who can enable those younger guys to really explore their abilities without too much anxiety over inevitable mistakes.

Personally I think Lever is the more natural forward, but for both of them there is the problem that they clearly have a team rule that they aren't allowed to enter the forward 50 even to take a shot on goal.

Sconnes with cream and jam, oh, scohnes with jam and cream?

I just watched the Match Review footage of Darling's collision and while Darling isn't my favourite player (perhaps still just because of the 'mystery tent incident' the Eagles used to nudge him down the draft) it is notable that his instincts as the collision approached was to stall his momentum, turn his hips away from the opponent use his hands as a shock absorber and then immediately show concern. None of it was a major action or sudden convulsion, but also none of it created a focal point of impact. I guess I'm just saying that if it had been Brayden Maynard in Darling's postion, Bytel would be in hospital today. With this in mind, I will suspend habitual hatred and will not be hoping to '186' the Eagles this weekend and will settle for a professional 50 point win that plays a couple of our forwards into form. That said, this is a single-game exemption only and I will be out for annihilation again by round 17.

Careless striking is a cool story.

Oh my... now that's three games in a row with highly visible dives by Carlton players. https://www.foxsports.com.au/afl/match-review-shock-as-cats-star-sanctioned-over-act-great-claimed-was-playing-for-a-free-kick/news-story/4019264312794c2bd1da2d7a62460ab0 Diving is a policy at Carlton.

Meanwhile, the spoonful of sugar of Maynard in distress, while also clear evidence that Carlton have been training for 'dangerous tackle' dives.

I genuinely have no idea what you mean. What do you mean? I think the joke has gone straight over my head.

Premiership solar hot water system with off-peak booster? 44 different local footy clubs with significant improvements to their facilities which would tangibly affect both support and the talent pathway. Or, tacky merchandise for people who fly first class on Emirates.

I've moved on enough to simply acknowledge that our poor start allowed the game to be decided by a combination of insufficient camera resolution and Brodie Kemp cheating. The only solution is to dominate so thoroughly that there's no point even cheating against us.

From Footscray Bulldogs to Flatrack Bullies?

Twice!

1.10.16 10.1.61 Sharing only because I'm struggling with that being reality.

Oh good, Geelong is broken. Not everything in football is bad. I hope Fritta is looking at Cameron's flat run and thinking 'I've got a chance at the Coleman if I dig in hard now'.

Think of it not as losing a potential player, but as gaining a potential extremely wealthy supporter. Also, is there some kind of Stynes genetic condition where they feel compelled to change country?

I have this fantasy where we don't have our four lowest rated players on the ground all be forwards. Even the same 'total effectiveness' across all players would be fine if we can just get one or two of our forwards to have a significant presence each week. At least I feel confident that May can handle Waterman, which is basically the end of the game as far as win-loss goes. (touching wood vigorously)

I fear Jack Billings is about to become my first ever pet-hate player. His stats looked okay enough in the Carlton game but what I kept seeing was Billings taking a mark on the wing or half back and then backing up like Ben Brown preparing a set shot, giving the opposition plenty of time to set up and ending the fast rebound movement which is supposed to be the core of our striking power this season. Even when he took handball receives he was stalling up. He then inevitably must bang it long to a contest and if that goes even slightly wrong or is done without a real target then it gets spoiled or marked by the like of Weitering or McGovern (18 intercepts between them) and comes strait back at us in our most vulnerably moment. A particular irritation is the way the stats are calculated, the long kick to a contest is considered an effective disposal makes it look like players who do this (Billings is merely the burning effigy here) are doing well for both metres gained and disposal efficiency. Well, maybe not so much for Billings who despite doing this several times still only recorded 60% DE. Billings needs to get to Casey with permission to enjoy it and reset his confidence and mindset with the ball. It would probably be quite helpful for Casey, too - Billings is not a rubbish player, he just isn't getting the best out of himself right now.

It has changed over time according to coach, mostly. Daniher era: Well, that's disappointing but anything could happen next week and next season. Bailey era: This is part of the hard yards of rebuilding and we have a bright era ahead of us. Neeld era: Life is pain, we are here to suffer and must embrace the void. Roos era: This is part of the hard yards of rebuilding and we have a bright era ahead of us. Goodwin era:

His knee dug into the turf because he was dropping his knees to draw an in-the-back free.

As legitimate as Patrick Cripps' Brownlow.

For NRL players, Penrith is a party town.

Quick recap:

Gold Coast Suns: Let's do a rebrand! Will Powell: How about [censored]? Gold Coast: Well, there goes our chance to affiliate with Streets Ice Cream. Tell you what, five weeks is a massive hit. I'm quite comfortable with a suspension but I'm also very conscious of some of the, you know, basic concepts of effective enforcement. If the bans get too excessive it will lead players to not report or not corroborate out of anxiety of ruining someone's career. The goal has to be 100% coverage, not partial coverage with heavy-handed penalties. Anyway, back to the rebrand; Their song is [censored], their culture is [censored], nobody loves them, nobody even really hates them, we are all just sick of paying their rent for them while they live in a better house than we've got. If they really want to turn things around they should try to brand themselves as a football club rather than... what even are they? A reality TV show?