Mazer Rackham

Let's not limit ourselves to one team. Let's have the named team of the century as it stands. Then draw a line under it. Then start a new team of the new century. Starting with our GF 22. Now let's look forward to the arguments in the years to come over future greats breaking in to our new team of the century. GO DEMONS!!!

Tiges with their big name forwards, Cats with their big name forwards, Lions with theirs (minus Hipwood injured) ... they can't kick goals while they're watching the ball sail through at the other end of the ground. MFC finally harnessed the talents at their disposal into a unified team where everyone knew what they were doing and why. That goes for the coaches as much as the players. Really a tremendous club-wide effort. And now they've all got the first hand experience of success and how to do it. A golden age beckons. Ahhhhhhhhh...... GO DEMONS!!!

Dammit, you should have said those exact words anyway!

Scene: an inner suburban house in Melbourne, late at night. Two men are drinking beer. One of them, JORDAN DE GOEY, holds a cattle prod to the other one's genitals. There is a loud CRACK. Jordan de Goey's brother in law: OW!!! That [censored] hurt! They both laugh and scull another beer. JDGBIL: My turn. He takes the cattle prod and holds it to JDG's genitals. There is a loud CRACK. JDG: OW!!!! [censored]!!!! They both laugh and scull another beer. JDG: My turn. He takes the cattle prod and holds it to JDGBIL's genitals. There is a loud CRACK. JDGBIL: OW!!! That hurt! No more! I give up! JDG: I win. Awright then ... ya gotta ... lemme think ... ya gotta be me manager for a year. JDGBIL: Awright. What's a manager gotta do? JDG: I dunno. I think it means ya gotta keep me out of fights an that. JDGBIL: OUT of fights? No punch ons? JDG: Yeah. Like if I'm in a nightclub or sumthin', and there's a punch on-- JDGBIL: You [censored]' beauty! Where? Let's go boys! JDG: No mate. There's no punch on. I'm just sayin', IF there's a punch on-- JDGBIL: There's no punch on? JDG: No mate. JDGBIL: I thought you said there's a punch on? JDG: I'll give yez a [censored]' punch on if ya don't shuddup an listen. JDGBIL: I'll [censored]' shut up you up ya [censored]! They start to fight. JDGBIL: Wait! Wait! Wait! They stop fighting. JDGBIL sculls a beer. JDGBIL: Awright. Let's go. They resume fighting. JDG: *thinks* Maybe this manager thing isn't such a good idea. Ah, [censored] it. She'll be right. JDG: Wait! Wait! Wait! They stop fighting. JDG sculls a beer. JDG: Awright. Let's go. They resume fighting. (fade ...)

Let's apologise by beating them by 75 points, then playing their song again.

Don't get stale, boys! And Tommy, for God's sake rest that back.

They have to. OH&S issue. Can't have geriatrics mixing it up with professional footballers too much.

Honourable mention for the old Geelong Bitter. The worst insult for a beer is that it tastes like cat's plss, but I suspect Geelong Bitter really was made from cat's plss.

Daniel's a good player who simply got Melbourned. (That's the new definition of Melbourned. The old one now consigned to the dustbin of history.)

There are some people in the AFL with some kind of sentimental attachment to the old notion of the "big 4". Without realising that times change, best exemplified by the MIGHTY DEMONS snagging a flag. Of course that sentimental attachment might well be underpinned by a rather less sentimental attachment to $$$$$$. But still. The comp is not "the big 4" with a few others making up the numbers. It's more the other way around these days.

So... the team has the power to turn people from the dark side. Is there nothing they can't do?

On the other hand ... they show up pumped to make amends and we smash them again and their season is almost over before it begins. One more competitor put out of the way. GO DEMONS!!!

Crikey. They're not asking you to take up your end of the bargain, are they? Must be Essendon supporters.

SURELY NOT ANOTHER ONE

Not the greatest caricatures, but having said that, Viney has fangs which is probably right.

He can help collect the footies at training. Someone holds up a big bag, and bam, from anywhere Nathan drills it right in there. Will save a lot of time. Relax. Collingwood's stellar list management had the president's finger prints all over it. We will need someone to polish our trophies though. I think he's free weekdays, up to 5PM.

The football gods took note of all the Bulldog prayers asking "just one more goal ... please ... just one more goal." Being cruel and capricious gods, they decided: WISH GRANTED

But they could trade him for two 44-year olds. It's strategic.

"That last quarter was incredible" Ken oath it was! 9 goals to 1 ... over a match that's 36 to 4 and is 186 territory. Over a quality opponent and in a grand final! And it was the Melbourne Football Club that did it! GO DEMONS!!!

Well, of course our old friends the AFL have created another grey area here. First, the rule defining a Mark has no mention of infringements ... it's all about whether the ball was controlled, travelled 15 metres, whether it was out of bounds, etc. Now read on .... 18.3 PROHIBITED CONTACT 18.3.1 Spirit and Intention A Player who makes the football their sole objective shall be provided every opportunity to do so. 18.3.2 Free Kicks - Prohibited Contact A field Umpire shall award a Free Kick against a Player when that Player makes any of the following Prohibited Contact with an opposition Player: (a) executes a tackle that is not legal (refer to the definition of Legal Tackle); (b) pushes or bumps an opposition Player in the back; (c) makes high contact to an opposition Player (including the top of the shoulders) with any part of their body; So Johannisen gave away a free under 18.3.2 (b) or 18.3.2 (c) 18.5 MARKING CONTESTS 18.5.1 Spirit and Intention The Player whose sole objective is to contest or spoil a Mark shall be permitted to do so. 18.5.2 Free Kicks - Marking Contests A field Umpire shall award a Free Kick in a Marking contest against a Player where the Player: (a) holds or blocks an opposition Player; (b) unduly pushes or bumps an opposition Player; (c) deliberately interferes with the arms of an opposition Player; (d) makes contact to an opposition Player from front-on and whose sole objective is not to contest or spoil a Mark; or (e) makes an unrealistic attempt to contest or spoil a Mark which interferes with an opposition Player. 18.5.3 Permitted Contact Incidental contact in a Marking contest will be permitted if the Player’s sole objective is to contest or spoil a Mark. So, Johannisen didn't give away a free kick because there's nothing in the definition of a marking contest to say he can't give himself a boost upstairs. And what's "incidental contact in a Marking contest", you may ask? Not defined. The only mention of the phrase "incidental contact" is in the quoted text. Leaving it up to, you guessed it, "interpretation".

Yes, very slow to fully absorb it, and loving every second.

"Tigers got 3 in 4 years. Hawks got 3 in 3. Cats got 3 in 5. Do you reckon you boys are as good as them, or are you only good for 1 and done? Who's the best team this century? Show me!!"

It's like rain on a cloudy day It's a free ride when you don't have to pay It's the good advice that a wise person say And who would've bought big scissors?

I think there is an excellent chance clubs will look at how we trained (specifically our reliance on team spirit and fitness over having 6 MCG-sized ovals and an olympic pool-sized weights room), then at the Hawks' giant facility, currently unfunded, and will dig out their own plans to supersize their training facilities, and go hmmmmm .... lotta money, isn't it?

Crazy, isn't it? I don't want to put the mozz on myself, but I believe I could get used to this.