Mazer Rackham

He's the skills coach

Ask and ye shall receive. Scene: Night. A young man, not yet out of his teens, wearing a red and blue sports jersey with number 17 on the back walks alone outside a deserted sports stadium. A bald man, heavily tattooed, appears in the foreground, snapping his fingers menacingly. The young man halts nervously, but quickly summons his courage and walks on. The bald man moves to his side and a puts an arm around his shoulders, and starts to sing: Nathan Jones (tenor): When you're a Dee you're a Dee all the way From your first handball stat till your last coach's spray A tall man, with close-cropped hair and a long beard appears on the young man's other side. In the background other football players appear in twos and threes. Max Gawn (bass): When you're a Dee if you're under a pack You got brothers around, and they've all got your back Marcus Bontempelli (baritone): The gasoline will be ours! Chorus of MFC midfielders: Here come the Dees like a bat out of hell Weightman gets in our way, Libba don't feel so well Here come the Dees, it's a hundred to seven We go bang, bang-bang-bang, it is pure football heaven Simon Goodwin (baritone): I'm just here for the gasoline. Chorus of MFC footballers, coaches, trainers, admin staff, and orange cutters: Here come the Dees, yeah and we're gonna beat Ev'ry last buggin' team in the whole buggin' league In the whole - ever - mother - lovin' - league! The entire MFC playing list then engages in an electrifying breakdance sequence as the hapless Western Bulldogs arrhythmically shuffle from one foot to the other like a bunch of dags.

To add to Jeremy's woes, he may end up captaining the Pies next year.

There's a growing school of thought in baseball that this "R&R" thing is a bit of a crock. What they've found (with the aid of some pretty hot bio-mechanists) is that if your "movement patterns" (previously known as good technique) are right, then you can go as hard and long, and as often, as you want, with no risk of injury. It's when you're not moving correctly ... eg putting too much weight on one leg, bending your elbow too much, etc ... that injuries can occur, and pretty quickly at that. Doesn't apply to footy as much as it does to more technical sports like baseball, tennis, golf, but is still highly relevant.

Sparrow was bio-engineered in a laboratory by football scientists for the express purpose of playing finals football. Tough, fearless, and enough skill to successfully navigate finals pressure. See ball get ball, but in a ruthless, not mindless, way.

Probably because the World Series is the oddest "world championship" going around. "THEEE ATLANTA BRAAAVES .... WOOOOORRRRLD CHAAAMMMMPIONS!!!! OUT OF ALL THE COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD EXCEPT FOR THE ONES THAT AREN'T THE USA OR CANADA!!!!!!!"

If Bowey went out right now and played frisbee with his dog and did both ACLs, pulled both hammies off the bone, snapped his tibula, got plantar thingummy in both feet, suffered concussion, got tennis elbow, athlete's foot and writer's block, and never played another game for MFC ... he would still go down as a hero and club legend for his immaculate career

Big call. Got any evidence to back that up? Joke! GO DEMONS!!!!!!!

He was out all night and when he finally got home, he told her a [censored]-and-bull story about winning a football cup, or something, with the perennial no-hopers the Melbourne Demons. She sent him to his room and he has to stack the dishwasher every night for the next month.

I did! I reckon it might have travelled 14.9 metres. But given that the umpiring in that match was overall okay-ish and not as dire as your average AFL match, and also with the minor consideration that it was to the MIGHTY DEMONS' advantage, I will give the umps a pass. Just this once.

I'm starting to struggle what with our premiership drought extending to 5 entire weeks. But I can recommend watching: (i) the entire match (ii) the third quarter, or (iii) extended highlights of the second half. It's still [censored] good.

Professional umpires may have the time and inclination to practice this. This comes down to better policing of the existing rules. Something the umpires department have shown themselves to be very selective at. Players have never been allowed to do these things, "stand" rule or not. Yes! The rule really only takes us back to the way the game was played for decades, maybe even more than 100 years. Sometime in the aughts, this thing crept in to the game where the player on the mark felt free to go sideways, and for some reason known only to the umps, it was permitted, although not in the rules. (Peter Schwab, after some particularly contentious weekend, did some Monday morning waffling about going east-west in the defensive third of the ground ... utter nonsense.) The AFL even changed the rules some 5 or so years back to legalise this, then changed it straight back the next year. They created the monster, and now they're trying to stuff the smoke back in the bottle. With that goes draconian policing of the law they allowed to slip. It's their own stupid fault. But overall, the rule is right in that it is in the spirit of the game. Moving east-west isn't. They just need to ease up on the soviet crackdown they've put on the man on the mark.

One can compensate by watching Gus' over and over and over again.

Bont will regret it one day when he is an ancient Selwood type, and Bowey is in his prime and sees the chance for an evener-upper.

He was clearly trying to kick it in to the gap to the advantage of a Melbourne player, any Melbourne player, and it was Gus who got there first. Good thinking in a tight game not to blaze away inside 50 (so 2019).

In Brown's defence, the stairwells between floors are regarded as neutral territory under the Geneva convention. And groups of tanked up young men often negotiate "peace treaties" when they're in the mood for a bit of biff.

It was Santa and the Easter Bunny, seconded by Aladdin and the Bunyip, brokered by the Fairy Godmother. Do young people know what cash even is any more? They do everything on their phones. Oh, but the article said cash, and the entire story is based on unimpeachable fact and doesn't in any way come across as being made up and embellished on the run. The only thing missing is that when they got up to level 3 they found Lassiter's gold in a cupboard.

"Hey fellas, we're not out to get into arguments. We just wanna have a good time. We could just go to another nightclub. Instead, let's pay $10,000, which we happen to carry around in cash, to stay here with the killjoys." These situations happen every weekend.

Our agents in Perth have sleuthed out this incident and have uncovered what really happened. Some Western Bulldogs supporters were on the balcony of a hotel. A hotel that doesn't have a 3rd storey. Some Melbourne supporters walked by. Some high spirited banter followed, which escalated to sledging. One or two of the blokes from each group wanted to go on with it but were met on the stairs by bouncers who told them if they wanted a punch on, said bouncers would oblige, with relish. Dogs guys went back to drinking, Demons guys went on to where they were going originally.

Correct. But what the hey ... I'll take what I can get. GO DEMONS!!

They "negotiated" a "peace treaty". What's it called when there's mayo on the mayo? Or mayo on the mayo on the mayo?

Who's handling the box office? The Carlton football club brown paper bag department?

Each team, even premiers, has personnel changes each year. We don't know what the future holds -- maybe TMac is displaced by Petty and has to force his way back in, maybe Brown gets a sore knee -- but as long as there is competition for places, complacency won't creep in. GO DEMONS!!!

I think it was after Fritsch's 2nd goal in the third ... the one where he and Gawn flew for it ... the coaches & staff on the boundary are pumped because we're right back in it ... but Chocco just gazes on impassively. It's all going to plan. No big deal. Ice in his veins.

Excerpts from the Bulldog's game days thread on bigfooty. To relive the unfolding horror through their eyes one more time ... Bont's goal: BONT!!! Captain!!! King Marcus Pressure pressure pressure eventually it gets to everyone thats the moment right there Harmes to Fritsch: Fumble by Baz unfortunately leads to that Why did Hannan give that handball? Felt like we were one goal away from making it bloody hard then Fritsch again: And just like that all the hard work is gone For fu** sake Ffs Brown: Far too easy out of the centre there Gah Oh for fu**s sake What the hell are these guys doing In three minutes we went from complete control to fighting for it again We need to get this centre clearance! I’m sounding like a broken record. Geez that Baz fumble is now being paid for dearly Brayshaw: FMD Daniel All that hard work vanishes into nothingness We're starting to look a bit tired. Petracca: I am so done with English SPOIL THE DAMN BALL That was just too good by Petracca…. He has just been killing us all game I think we’ve found a way to turn a very good position into a pretty bad one Reckon we’re in a spot of bother here and it’s through poor execution. Sad to say it's over. St. Kilda in 2009 is the only team in the AFL era to lose after leading at 3QT in a GF. 5 goals in a row How are we in this position Sparrow: That’s it.. done Mids getting embarrassed. How easy can these clearances get Cannot stop them getting it out of the centre There goes the premiership Yeah it's over. Game over fellas. Oliver: Eesh No way ! That’s ridiculous WTF happened? Can we play a defensive player in the centre square for crying out loud Oh, my. Oh, bloody my. What the actual fu** The dees are walking straight through us We can’t come back from that Well that was a really disappointing end to the year Was a great year, bad luck fellas Honestly can’t believe some of those clearance efforts. In a grand final. Wow All over just like that.. Have we ever scored 5-6 goals that quickly ourselves? We look done. That was bloody impressive.