Mazer Rackham

It's not the song itself. She could have sung "chugga chugga big red car", or yodelled "the barber of Seville" while breakdancing. The point of the story was having the guts to seize the moment, your one opportunity, and make the most of it. And he showed them real footage of someone actually doing that. I wouldn't put too much stock in the musical tastes of "the demographic" anyway, seeing how it loves "Freed from Desire" so much.

Four-peat. Indisputably the greatest club of them all.

No! It will bankrupt the club!

Dammit, looks like the Footscray ribbons fell off again!

King Marcus has an immunity pin (actually in the custody of Michael Christian) that he can use to avoid getting cited. Michael doesn't even need to ask Marcus if he wants to use it, it's just understood.

Oh, I dunno ... have you tried breaking them?

It's entirely possible that long term barracking for Melbourne made you snap, and everything that's happened since August is only an hallucination. Maybe in the real world Fritsch is negotiating to join Essendon? Wishing you a complete recovery!

That's what good teams do. They succeed by executing plan A better. Their fans might harp a bit about plan B but generally it's a moot point. It's also what bad teams do. They fail by trying harder at plan A and not being able to carry it off. Their fans arc up plenty about a lack of plan B. With good reason. The really good teams have their plan A and when it's not working, find ways to change things to thwart the opposition. Sound fundamental strategy, a good match day tactical coaching. Melbourne FC 2021. GO DEMONS!!

Goody: Thanks Nev. Come in, Shannon. Take a seat. I have a project, but it's tough - not for everyone. But I think you're the man.

Pre-match entertainment: the Western Bulldogs will sing "Free from Desire" in a simulated nightclub setting

Agree. If we'd kicked straight they wouldn't have got in front. But then we wouldn't have had the stunning unforgettable ten minutes of football and the avalanche that followed.

Scene: a large conference room, deep underground beneath an international bank in Zurich. Neil Balme sits at the head of a long table, stroking a white cat in his lap. Around the table are Tom Scully, Brock McLean, Mark Jackson, Gerard Healey, Brian Taylor, several umpires, and various ex-players and officials. Balme: Gentlemen, you understand why we are here. The results of this year's AFL Grand final were ... unsatisfactory. No-one speaks. They fidget nervously. Balme: I call now for your individual reports. Number two? Scully: gee, number one. We tried. We made sure Goodwin stayed in charge. We brought in Williams who everyone knows is borderline insane. We brought in the stand rule. We even brought back the virus. Balme: enough, number two. All these factors I predicted in advance and they were already compensated for. Number six? Jackson: I'm an individual, ya can't fool ... aw, [censored], I forget how it goes now. (He punches Gerard Healey in the face.) Balme: (into his suit lapel) bring the medication. (aloud) Number eight? Mclean: I, er, did as instructed, number one. Balme: you were instructed, number eight, to spend the night before performing "wheelies" and "burnouts" in your utility vehicle outside the Melbourne team sleeping quarters. Mclean: *gulps* that's right, number one. Balme: in fact you spent that night performing said deeds outside the Wyndham Vale public hotel. Mclean: well I couldn't find out where they was staying. I arksed everyone. I even-- Balme: enough, number eight. Number thirteen? Taylor: wowee, number one. I tried to break their morale. Every game. Balme: "trying" is not considered adequate, number thirteen. You are in a position to influence public perception and hence, team perception. Only success is acceptable. Perhaps you should try learning the players' numbers? Taylor: crikey! Looks like it’s all over for me, folks. The fat lady is getting ready … wowee!! Balme: number twenty? How do you account for a performance so out of character? Umpire Stevic: *gulps* we tried, number one. We let our boys throw it plenty of times -- the Western Bulldogs, that is -- we didn't pay high tackles, but ... gee, number one, we can only help the Doggies if they get near the ball. After halfway through the third quarter ... Balme: I have reviewed the video replays of the match and fortunately for you, I concur with your assessment. You are not held responsible. The umpires sigh and visibly relax. Balme presses a button under the table. Brock McLean screams as a massive electric shock incinerates him and his chair. The chair descends below floor level and a new chair arises in its place. Balme: I do not tolerate failure. Let this serve to ... motivate you. I expect ... improvement ... next season. This meeting is closed.

I'm going with SURELY NOT ANOTHER ONE BANG BANG BANG BANG God, it makes me smile just thinking about it. We've just kicked two deep in red time. Seconds to go. SURELY NOT ANOTHER ONE!

Simulations conducted by Warner Bros and Walt Disney have predicted that when dogs chasing a sparrow converge, the sparrow flits off and the dogs all crash into each other. Football scientists now consider this theory to be proven.

Over on bigfooty they're running their annual "who will win a flag next, out of ..." thread, where they list the supposed up and coming clubs. And we're not in the list! Sweet luxury! For the record, this year's list of "contenders" is Ess, Haw, North, Carl, StK.

I'm high on the hill Looking over the bridge To the once-in-a-generation opportunity to deliver a significant economic and social benefit, affordable housing and connectivity between Federation Square and Richmond and cultural and sporting hubs And way up on high The clock on the silo Says ... wait a minute .. I can't see the [censored] thing for all the shadows I remember I remember Before this [censored] was built Before this [censored] was built

True, but they did it to themselves by blowing the last few rounds of home and away. Contrast that to the team who finished on top, became masters of their own destiny and earned themselves little travel and a stable living/training base.

“This isn’t about putting a few apartment blocks up,” [McGuire] said. Quite right. It's about putting a [censored]-ton of apartment blocks up. “If you do this in a sensitive way, it turns it into the most unbelievable passive recreation and green lung for Melbourne.” Correct. I don't believe it. The only green I'm seeing is the stuff that's already there. Is Mr Nowhere a consultant for this thing?

Watched the second half again. This time with 3AW commentary. Can't stop myself laughing every time "surely not another one" happens. And for certain goals in the last quarter. I know it was weeks ago, but I think people should try to watch a replay. I strongly recommend it.

May he never have to wait that long again for the rest of his life.

Overall the umpiring was more consistent and less diabolical that your average home and away game. I'm just glad it wasn't a love-in like the Dogs have had so many times over recent years. I heard a joke about that supposed near-punch on in a Perth nightclub (which is probably complete bullsmit but anyway). Apparently the Dogs heard the umpires were in the nightclub too, so challenged the Demons to a fight. But when they learned the umps weren't there after all, they backed down. (Well I thought it was funny.) (And why would they want to fight the Demons with Viney on our side and Weightman on theirs? It's like playing two men short. Before the first punch was thrown, Weightman would be rolling on the ground screaming that he's been shot.) He'll be burning all summer over that one!

It wasn't too bad an effort, after all, it was their first grand final in a while ... so they were bound to be a bit rusty. Fido's lucky you didn't immediately go out and kick 16 goals to 1 against him in 45 minutes, like the team did after a Dog tried to savage the real Max.

Absolutely right. Still furious about that goal. And the behind they snuck in as well. Higher standards demanded for next year's grand final demolition job.

But Basil got his 15 minutes. Bit of a fairytale ending for Basil, grand final in Perth & him on stage. But Goody proved to be the bigger man, so all's well.

If it were today they'd upgrade you to first class GO DEMONS!!!