Mazer Rackham

2018 and 2019? I don't want to crucify the guy, he's earned all the plaudits he will rightfully get when he hangs up the boots ... but we're heading for an existential crisis if things don't turn around. Club needs to tap NJ on the shoulder and tell him he's decided to retire honourably, or at least pass the captaincy on to the next generation and go on a performance based contract, year by year.

I listened to the Hodge one first. Not really any surprise there. When you play cricket, you (the team) are always saying "talk it up boys" "let's have plenty of noise" etc etc. It's not really sledging, more like keeping your team revved up. (There's a bit of sledging involved.) Some are naturals at the talk. Some have to be constantly encouraged, and some don't really have it in them and go through the motions. (They can still be good players though.) Jones sounds like the latter. Hodge clearly comes across as a teacher and coach, whereas Jones has to lead by example. That of course relies on him playing well and boosting the other players by making an example. So if he's not playing well ........ Change of captains urgently needed. We can't go through this again next year.

I hope that opposition football operations managers have not noticed that.

Sidebottom is past his best but is still dangerous. He's got the most hurt factor of their midfielders. Gets his hands on it all over the ground and hits the scoreboard too. Whereas Treloar gets plenty of it but is wasteful. So why wouldn't you want to shut down one of their weapons? Harmes had success earlier in the season as a tagger, shutting down his opponent and getting lots of ball himself. But it's not just Goodwin. There is this strange belief amongst coaches generally that taggers are as old fashioned as the flat punt. Let Dusty do his thing, we'll do ours better. Let Danger run wild, we'll run wilder. This line of thinking is borne out time and time again, except for the times when a tagger is actually used.

You're not even trying! I reckon there's something in the Magna Carta about it.

After waiting through a decade of misery and desolation, we finally get a decent list together, with kids with tons of potential, make the finals ... and then throw away an entire year of these guys' careers. The damage may prove to be worse than that. How many chances are we going to get, let alone squander? So much at stake next year.

It's over. Nothing to be gained. Look forward not back.

For closure. At the start of his career we moaned because we didn't pick Wines. At the end of his career, we can moan that we did pick Wines.

By round 30 we will be pushing for the 8. GO DEMONS!

I don't know anything about whether there are rifts or disunity, but I do know one golden rule ... the inmates do not run the asylum. If the "two captains" idea is not working, junk it. Amen!

"Brand" is generally a meaningless term. The winning comes first. Third parties apply a "brand" after that, possibly in an attempt to make sense of why the winners are winning. Winners almost never try to apply a brand to themselves. (They're usually too busy with the business of winning.) "Brands" in the AFL? "The family club" ... meaningless really, says nothing about the way they play, which (when they were winning flags) was hard and mean "We are Carlton, f*** the rest" ... is a kind of brand but more about the off field than on "Shinboner spirit" ... something to that I'm at a loss after that. What do we think of when we consider the prominent winning clubs around now? Eagles: they win games. Brand ....... ? (Bueller? Anyone?) Cats: they win games Tigers: they win games Lions: they've started winning. People may try to apply some kind of brand to them if they keep winning. Brands always come second. The winning comes first. If you're not winning you by definition have no brand. But even winners don't always have a brand.

We've got think outside the square. What if we sawed off the goalposts at ankle height at one end of the ground? Then our opponents can't score.

The 5 Stages of being a Melbourne Supporter 1. denial - why didn't we draft Ollie Wines? 2. anger - Oscar is a spud! How does he get a game? 3. acceptance - Frost does some good things but gee whiz ... 4. depression - May, Lever, VdB and KK will never give us an entire season 5. bargaining - why didn't we draft Ollie Wines?

Your feeling good about our embarrassing performances is elite, and your ability to rise above it all with a light laugh is ranked no 1 at Champion Data Maybe you're the one who should change clubs, to one you care about?

It is said of Sun Tzu that he applied for a senior coach's role during the Tang dynasty. He was politely asked to prove his credentials. So he got the son of a club legend, made him captain, and said "now attack the ball hard as you can". The new captain grabbed the ball, ran into trouble, tried to bullock his way through, kicked off the side of his boot out on the full, and got done for holding the ball. The emperor said: "how is this? You claim to be an expert!" Sun Tzu said: you're right. [censored] this for a joke. And drew his sword and sliced the new captain's head off. Then went to GWS in an assistant coach's role. GWS won the next year's premiership. True story.

"The ceremony had to be moved to the centre of the ground after Umpire Tee repeatedly tried to propose to the goal post. When told Umpire Glouftsis was behind him, he called for a video review. Eventually he managed to get out the words every girl wants hear: 'Is this Sam Lane? I'm trying to find Sam Lane.' Umpire Glouftsis, on hearing the proposal, tried to report Umpire Tee, but finally accepted when she was told the man proposing was really Gary Ablett. She then placed the ring on her thumb and immediately lost it. After the match, the happy couple headed to a reception at the Sheraton but got lost in the car park and were found next morning at Jolimont Station complaining that the buffet was cold."

At least they didn't waste the back of an envelope to jot down notes from the discussion. So it's good for the environment.

So you didn't note that every time we got the ball we managed to butcher it? By hand, foot or simply running into trouble, or creating trouble where there was none? Every time we got the ball out of congestion (always working our guts out to do it), within seconds we were under pressure again. Meanwhile St Kilda found it relatively easy to make space, find teammates, take marks near goal, etc etc. Our ability to [censored] up every possible game situation is unsurpassed. That's why it was a devastating loss. We weren't picked apart by a superior team. We bumbled along against a lowly team, bad enough for us to be able to beat, and we self destructed. Our entire season crystallised in one match. It wasn't a bad day at the office, it was a spectacle. The bearded lady. The elephant man. An AFL team being utterly inept at their craft. Beats me how anyone can feel good about seeing our complete collection of flaws exposed (on prime time TV to boot), with not much on the horizon to indicate improvement.

Sounds a bit complicated. How about this. We'll try a manic attack on ball and man. Really all out insane cut snake stuff. Try that for a season and see how we go.

"Sorry Simon Crows made an offer we can't match it sorry to see you go best of luck at the Crows here's the taxi I'll hold the door open for you ALL THE BEST MATE"

dinner ... check book ... check oh ... WINE! glass of red wine.

God here. Sorry to disappoint but you are this bad. I'm normally a compassionate God but when it comes to the Dees ... I just go back to my Old Testament cruel and vindictive ways. Oh, and I've got some more bad news for you, GCD, but not for another 35 years. (It's not too late to repent.)

Problem with Stretch is he exactly the same as ANB. Great trainers, professional attitude, tireless workers on the field, and not very good at football.

That sounds like the seed of an idea of a plan ... you know we don't do plans. Maybe if we'd just gone and attacked the ball even harder? Then he can run amok all he likes. He can't score when the ball is buried under a pack on the wing!

♪ I closed my eyes Drew back the curtain To see for certain What I thought I knew Around the world ♫ Dees fans were weeping But the coach's sleeping Any plan will do I saw our boys ♪ Handpass to strangers Kick the ball to danger Run without a clue And in the box Ideas were missing While the crowd was hissing Any plan will do ♫