Breaking News: AFL To Replay Matches

[Demonstone 23,336]

Perception is everything as league launches bold strategy to save season

10 August 2021

In a first for Australia’s sacred game, which is in optimum health at the moment, the AFL has unleashed a groundbreaking announcement which will see as many as 40 matches from the 2021 season replayed across October and November.

The league is dissatisfied with the lack of perfection achieved in many matches this year, and has produced a shock new concept in an attempt to resolve it.

‘We have meticulously set about identifying the matches throughout the year that just haven’t met our optical standards, and simply cannot allow these to stand,’ a league representative stated today.

It is believed the chosen matches contained problems such as players running inside the Vodafone protected zone, tackling of a standard deemed too fierce for this competition, fans barracking too loudly during play and LED advertising lining the ground deemed not bright enough.

‘Going forward, we would prefer a system whereby players ask permission of the ball carrier before applying a tackle.’

In addition, administrators expressed concerns over the tunes between goals at matches, deeming the volume far too low on numerous occasions, having also floated the possibility of music during general play in 2022.

‘The visual appeal has just been disappointing far too often. Unless our matches capture the utopian, flawless image of how we want football to look, we aren’t interested.’

The league also felt the scoring, and number of television commercials as a result, was insufficient in many cases. Further to this, umpire instructions to ‘STAND’ were simply not loud enough.

Television coverage from next season is expected to change dramatically, with all crowd, commentary and background noises muted, ensuring that umpire instructions will be the only audible sound.

The league is determined to prioritise score reviews going forward too, as many of the proposed replays contained below the strict minimum of 27 reviews per match.

‘The introduction has been seamless - fans just don’t get it - the process is rapid, always correct and overall, a pleasant experience,’ the spokesperson claimed.

Adding to frustrations, the executive felt that ruckmen were delayed in making their nominations, and the whistleblowers far too rushed in recommencing play.

‘Ideally, umpires should be allowing at least 30-40 minutes before a ball up.’

The repeated matches have been deliberately established during the off-season, to hijack the fortunes of all other sports, in a bid to re-write the underwhelming content of season 2021.

‘It was a really difficult decision, but we simply have to rectify these games to preserve the optics and reputation of the competition, no matter the amount of manipulation required.’

The league refused to comment further but did not rule out the prospect of ongoing replays into 2022, if perfection is not achieved.

• More to come.

[Timothy Reddan-A'Blew 5,556]

I gather Patrick Dangerfield has advised he will recommend to the players association that they now temper their position on stepped reductions to ultimately 5-minute quarters in view of the respite that the new score review and ball up requirements will provide, provided also that the players receive a 50% share of the revenue windfall that accompanies this suite of changes.

In a move related to the changes, the AFL is also commissioning a study into the increased incidence of lightning due to climate change. Early indications from last night's game are that sponsors are keen to take advantage of the long-form advertisement opportunities that regular extended breaks provide. Channel 7 is also excited by the increased exposure bound to be available to its marquee commentary team.

The AFL is also considering permanent dismantling of the Marvel Stadium root.

 

• You made me do it demonstone...

[Demonland 73,465]

Apparently all players are now required to turn up to matches on a skateboard.

 

[Kent 2,918]

1 minute ago, Demonland said:

Apparently all players are now required to turn up to matches on a skateboard.

 

The king of tossers Good grief

[The heart beats true 18,183]

5 minutes ago, Demonland said:

Apparently all players are now required to turn up to matches on a skateboard.

 

What nobody knew at the time was that Jack Higgin’s girlfriend was hiding in that bag.

[chook fowler 19,694]

Games can now only proceed in the presence of lightening.

[Demonstone 23,336]

40 minutes ago, chook fowler said:

Games can now only proceed in the presence of lightening.

Yes, we can't play in the dark, but what is your view regarding lightning?  

[monoccular 17,642]

49 minutes ago, chook fowler said:

Games can now only proceed in the presence of lightening.

 

7 minutes ago, Demonstone said:

Yes, we can't play in the dark, but what is your view regarding lightning?  

One would think that Demons would be best equipped to play in lightning than most, being accustomed to fire and brimstone.

Edited August 10, 2021 by monoccular

[Neil Crompton 5,747]

1 hour ago, Demonstone said:

 

• More to come.

Haha Let’s hope not!  You have waaaaaay too much time on your hands D.

Either that or the confirmation of a top 4 position has messed with your brain. 

(Sorry D, ignore me, I’m in my 30th month of lockdown (obviously an exaggeration) and I’ve lost my sense of humour).