THE ORACLE'S FEARLESS PREDICTIONS FOR 2012 ... AND BEYOND

[Demonland 72,187]

THE ORACLE'S FEARLESS PREDICTIONS FOR 2012 ... AND BEYOND by The Oracle 

Most people would find it difficult to understand the frustrations of the modern day oracle. It was easy back in the days of classical antiquity when we commanded and received respect from all quarters. After all, in places like Delphi, where my forefather s opened up shop many centuries  ago, we oracles  were considered to be divine forms - sources of wise counsel or prophetic predictions or precognition of the future, inspired by the gods. 

Unfortunately, modernity has made things tough for the profession. In these days of high technology and whiz bang innovation, people like me have been shunted aside and left for dead. Nobody even consults me for a long range weather report any more. 

The only piece of technology I have at my disposal is Stella, my crystal ball but she took a beating during the last drought and is now out of her 500 year warranty period. It's hard enough getting any snow inside that glass casing let alone a decent prediction for the future. 

Still, my family is known for its centuries-old tradition of fearlessness, accuracy and foresight and I suppose that's why Demonland picked me out to make some predictions on how the 2012 AFL season will pan out.

What follows is my final eight at the end of the home and away season plus other  insights into the season to come.

Final eight predictions are always fraught with danger. Every year, at least one team that everyone expects to do well falls into a screaming heap and every year, everything falls into place for an unfancied team which emerges from the ruck and surprises everyone. The 2011 versions respectively were the Western Bulldogs who, after three consecutive preliminary final appearances, never looked like making it and the West Coast Eagles who went from wooden spooner all the way to the top four. 

My top eight before the finals for 2012 is:-

1. Hawthorn - Clarkson is a real thinking man's coach who is always on top of the latest developments in tactics and strategy and he has the star players in ample quantities. He won them a flag before their time in 2008 and is poised to do it again, especially now that he no longer has the annoying distraction of Jeff Kennett constantly mouthing off at anything and everything despite having once promised to keep a low profile.

2. Collingwood - I might have made mention of this fact before but I don't like the bastards. My grandfather was at the meeting of the various clubs back at the end of 1896 when they decided to break away from the VFA to form the VFL (now AFL) and he urged them not to allow the riff raff into the competition. The idiots not only ignored him but they allowed Carlton in as well. What an ungracious lot they were!

Anyhow, I still don't know how Collingwood managed to not win the 2011 premiership. They have now had the stuffing knocked out of them mentally and the departure of Malthouse and half the coaching staff won't help.

Unfortunately, they still have a strong list and should make the grand final by default and then make our day by doing what they do best. Lose grand finals.

3.  Geelong - the Cats got away with a flag after losing arguably the best player in the competition in Garry Ablett Jr. and they truly deserved to win it. However, it's going to be so much tougher in 2012 without the likes of Ling, Ottens and a number of other stalwarts. They will continue to be well coached but I wonder about whether there will be the same hunger in the belly after winning three flags in five years.

4. Fremantle - the Dockers got ruthless after what they perceived was a year of failure and unceremoniously dumped Mark Harvey as coach even though the poor bloke was working with half a squad for most of the season. The replacement coach Ross Lyon is on a good quid and if he imparts his dour game plan on the team, should have them as contenders  because he basically has a good list.

Never mind that most of the football public will be bored shitless with their style of play and the rest of the country will be petitioning to have WA removed from the Commonwealth of Australia, the purple haze will amaze in 2012.

5. Sydney - the Swans are brilliant at recycling other clubs' cast offs and turning them into silk purses. I can see Mitch Morton winning their goalkicking and Tommy Walsh becoming the next Irish sensation after barely causing a ripple at St. Kilda. The Swans are a resolute mob and they usually box well over their weight limit. I believe that even the lad they had doing work experience this year scored a date with Jennifer Hawkins.

6. West Coast - I had the Eagles down as one of my big improvers for 2010 but later discovered that, due to a software malfunction, Stella misjudged that by 12 months. I suffered the embarrassment of their wooden spoon when I should have been taking the credit for predicting their revival in 2011. I won't make the same mistake this time.

7.  Carlton - it mostly rests on Chris Judd's shoulders. More particularly, the bung one that was operated on recently. Judd has managed to carve a magnificent career despite having problems in that area in his youth but they are more difficult to deal with later in your career. I think the Blues had their big chance for a top four finish in 2011 but blew it. I don't think they have the right material and depth to make it if there are any doubts on Judd's fitness.

8. Melbourne - there are more new brooms at the Demons than in Mitchell's Broom Factory. The complete overhaul and a new direction in coaching will do it as far as I'm concerned.

As for the rest, I'm not impressed. St. Kilda is due for a fall. North and Richmond will be gallant and most of the others have no hope. We'll see a glimmer of improvement from the Suns while the Giants will prove as disastrously pathetic as we all imagine a product of Demetriou's flawed planning can be - and I expect that it will be so for some time.

Brownlow Medal - Colin Sylvia's true destiny is to win one of these. I know he's going to miss out on an easy three votes by virtue of a club induced suspension for the first round but Judd missed the first three in 2010 and brought home the Charlie home.

Coleman Medal - Buddy. With the Hawks at the top of their game and firing, nobody will come near him.

Season Highlight - Sheedy sacked after three consecutive weeks of GWS suffering 200 point plus hidings.

Demetriou's comment following the sacking:

"It was a moment of inspired brilliance".

Season Lowlight - the Giants, under new coach Mark Williams, losing in round 13 by a record margin of 250 points. 

The AFL awarding a NAB Rising Star nomination to a GWS player who had three kicks and one handball during that same game after which they awarded the four points to the Giants as well for the sake of it, citing an interpretation of the Wills Act 1958.

Demetriou's comment following the decisions:

"All of the clubs knew the rule was there".

Good News Story of 2012 - Jimmy makes a complete recovery to  full health.

See you all in the future!

[Biffen 12,943]

Fantastic pronosticating oracle .

I hope you are right about Jimmy .

The rest is unlikely as we are well above Freo and Swans .

Top 6 .Quote me.